Think he's cheating again, please give me the strength to leave

[heartbrokenagain12]

Can't beleive its come to this. I have no where to turn. I have name changed as I've posted previously about being unhappy.

Been with OH for 8 years - since we were 16 - 2 kids, house, mortgage etc. young i know. He proposed this year. Anyway when we bought our house (aged 21) he tried to finish it with me out of the blue, for no reason at all. When he was seeing our son I checked his phone and found out there was someone else. I told him to leave as he had broken my heart. He went back his moms for a few weeks but eventually we got back together and he promised he would never put me through this again.

I thought things were ok, since we have had another child. We have our tiffs about house work but nothing serious. Deep down I've never gotten over him cheatin on me. Its so wrong but occasionally I check his phone bill to see who he's been texting. Im constantly paranoid its going to happen again. So the past few weeks he's been up and down with me, hot and cold and I cant bare it any longer!!!! I've asked him if there is anyone else and he just gets so angry for me accusing him and says he is sick of it.

I today checked his phone bill and have seen 5 texts sent to a number around 7pm on Friday evening. This was the night I was out with my work lot and he was at home looking after our 2 young boys. I called the number and it was a woman, i searched the number on facebok, turns out its a polish woman (looks around the same age-ish as me), and I'm guessing she works with him (though it doesnt say on her profile) as they take on a lot of polish staff. There is no way I can question him and say I've looked at his bill because he will go mad. I need more proof.

There havent been any exchange between them since Friday from what I can see but he easily could now be whatsapping her, talking to her on FB. Something here isnt right. Maybe i'm overly paranoid and its one of the guys at works GF i dont know but who am i kidding??!?!

Tonight he finishes at 10 - he called to say he is going to be about 20 - 30 mins late home because he's got to train some night staff that are taking over the shift. Dno what the hell to think now.

Today before he went to work I lay by him and he was on his phone, he told me to get off, I was like wtf I am putting my head by you before you go to work, and he said no I was about to jump on him. This upset me so I stormed off upstairs. He came up about 10 mins after and kissed me on the head and hugged me. He then went in the shower and this is when i checked the phone bill online. I couldnt contain my upset so when he got out i asked him straight if he had been talking to somoene else (as i said earlier i seen texts were sent friday). he said no and started to shout at me asking why i had flipped from being happy to this. He left the house in a massive mood with me.

I hate this misserable life of not knowing whether he is coming or going but I havent got the guts to leave. I wanted a family for my kids - I love him. Im close-ish to my mom. My friends dont go out that much. I just cant cope with this anymore.

[EttaJ]

You're right OP. You and your DC deserve more than this,better than this and you will find it but not whilst you're with him. He neither loves or respects you and you deserve both . Please please do not waste a moment more with him. I promise you that you will be so glad you left him when you look back. You will get over him,cut it short now because you will be looking back in anger and frustration at how long you wasted with this loser. 💐

[ohdearme1958]

For more than one reason he isn't up to giving you the support and right now you have to let him go and concentrate on your last year at uni.

There is more misery in your life with him than joy and that really is the bottom line.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I've done two years of uni, this is my last year and I needed his support. I needed my family unit. How can he lie to my face like this saying he hasn't spoken to her. I just hate the feeling of loneliness. It's like he doesn't care. I don't know if he will go back to his moms tonight on her sofa. I can't tell.

[ohdearme1958]

Heartbreak - the decision to move out and on to a different life should not be his. You really would be better off without him so make this you're chance to make a new life for yourself - tell him to go.

Why has he done all of this now? You're both still growing. You're going through a growth spurt. He wants the life he's missed out on by being in a very grown up situation from a very young age. He's just not going about it in a mature way because he's not really mature.

You are going through a growth spurt also - you're away to finish uni. I think you may have outgrown him but you don't realise that yet. You're clinging on to what is familiar to you because you're scared of the unknown.

You are both growing in different ways. And there are two ways to look at this - he is training you to put up with his nonsense to the extent you'll even give up uni and be well and truly put in your place by him.

Or he is thinking - nows a good time to engineer a seperation because she's away to uni and she's going to wise up and get herself the life she deserves.

I think people will have a very clear idea of which one it really is.

How to stop the pain, the sheer agony of it all? Sadly, that takes time. And all we can tell you is that one day, perhaps sooner than you think, you'll be feeling much better.

[heartbrokenagain12]

Please, anyone,'tell me how you got through this heart break.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I can't even think about studying right now. I just don't get his timing.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I said to him last night once he goes this time there isn't any turning back. I said if I find out they had been texting again I'm taking everything to his moms and changing the locks. His response - I can't do that as its half his house

[ohdearme1958]

Even without knowing youre at Uni I was thinking to myself - this girl is going to be ok. She has two kids and a mortgage at a very young age so she's obviously very smart.

I don't live in the UK so I'm not sure what help you can get but I am very sure that a few hours from now you'll get great advice from other mums/student mums in the same position as you.

And if you had a feeling this was coming - listen to what you were telling yourself about your life and take comfort from it a wee bit further down the line.

[heartbrokenagain12]

How did u come through it oh dear me?

[heartbrokenagain12]

I don't want it to end though even I deserve so much better than this. I have done nothing wrong. He is going to loose everything.

[ohdearme1958]

I understand everything you are saying, and feeling. I understand because I met my husband at 16 - we separated after 39 years together.

Why is he putting you through this? It's because his wants are paramount right now, they are the most important thing in the world to him, and he's either trainjng you to put up with this for years to come - or he is finding the most cowardly way possible for things to end.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I didn't eat once yesterday. I can't sleep now. He doesn't give a crap. How can I finish my final year at uni gong through this?

[heartbrokenagain12]

I left work last week to finish my final year at uni. I had a feeling this was coming a few weeks ago.

[heartbrokenagain12]

We have a 1 year old and a 4 year old. My 4 year old is in bed with me. Just don't know why he is putting me through this again. He left me 3 years ago for a few weeks. Honestly I just can't cope with this feeling. He's all I've ever known.

[ohdearme1958]

I'm sorry you're so scared right now. It's a bloody awful feeling. Can you go and get in with one of the children and have a cuddle with them? I woke up afraid about something the other night and I went and sat in my 25 year old sons room. He's severely disabled and didn't know I was there but just being beside him was a great comfort to me and after a wee while I was able to go back to bed and lightly sleep until daylight when things always feel a wee bit better.

As for your husband - I think he does very much know what he wants, and it's to be single. It would also be the best thing for you but right now that's not what you want to hear and who could blame you for that.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much and that you're so scared.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I just can't breathe. How the hell am I going to get through this

[heartbrokenagain12]

My heart is beating so fast. He just says he doesn't know what he wants

[heartbrokenagain12]

He said nothing had been going on blablabla and how dare I pry. He said he had been texting her about picking her up from work. He deleted her number fgs I'm not a moron - he then said he did cuz I would go mad. I said why text while I was out then - he couldn't answer. I think they've been texting tonight about the whole thing. He's told me it's over after 8 years and is sick of my prying. I feel psyically sick. I've woke up in despare with the realisation my marriage is over. I feel like I don't want to live anymore

[SandyY2K]

If you ask he'll just deny.

Either wait for proof or end it.

[6demandingchildren]

Do you think you can sit him down to talk. I think that is a starting point.
Me and my hubby have been through exactly what you are going through and it's hard. I was very unbearable to live with but he knows that he caused that.
We take the time now to talk to each other and share our feelings (the hard bit)
We are not perfect but we wanted to work at our marriage and next month we are celebrating 20 years.
You need to ask yourselves do you both want to work at it xx

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

And no he is not a good dad either if he treats you, the mother of his children, like this. Women in bad relationships often write the "he is a good dad" comment when they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

That is because things are not right.

He cheated on you before and now three years later he is doing this again. This relationship was really over the first time he did this. What more proof do you need, you are simply torturing yourself by keeping on looking for more.

You are 24 and indeed you and your children deserve better than being with a cheat. Do not be 25 and in the same position as you are now in.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I looked on what's app tho and she's saved his number. Something isn't right here!!!

[heartbrokenagain12]

Oh yes so I put this woman's number in his phone - he hasn't saved it. He's deleted those 5 texts.

[heartbrokenagain12]

I don't even know what to do now. He kissed me good bye this morning and never said love u. Petty but this isn't him. Me going through his stuff is not right / isn't healthy but I just want the truth. He never ever has time to cheat though this is what I don't understand. I suspect maybe an emotional affair at work ? I don't know. I had this convo a few weeks back about being worried of him running off again and he said to me "that's all behind Us now, I'm not about that anymore I want the family life". He is a good dad, he puts a roof over our head but as a husband to be he has been rubbish these past few weeks. I don't want to face the world right now.