Sons friends mother behaving inappropriately?

[worriednotsure]

I have a son who still lives at home and is almost eighteen. He has a fairly close, platonic friendship with a young woman he went to school with (I'll use the false name, Mary.) Mary moved into the area a couple of years ago and they have been friends - socialising together fairly often since. Therefore I know Mary and my son knows Mary's mother, although I wouldn't say the relationships are close IYSWIM.

I have never liked Mary's mother unfortunately. I find her shallow and narcissistic - one of those people who is superficially very charming and gushy (the first time she met me she went on and on about how wonderful and beautiful I was - we'd only just met for goodness sake!) but who soon loses interest and is on to the next thing. I am not the only one who finds her this way, in fact I don't think she really has any female friends at all. She is the kind of woman men often love though - extremely attractive and flirtatious - she clearly gets a lot of validation from her looks and the male attention they garner.

Aaaanyway, my son recently told me, in a nonplussed kind of way, that Mary's mother had been sending him messages over social media in the middle of the night. There was one had been sent at about one in the morning telling him he looked like a male celebrity, calling him darling, and ending with kisses. Then another at five in the morning saying she hoped he and I were "friends again" (we had recently had a row). Then the next day she sent him a photo of the celebrity she was talking about clarifying that she thought he looked like a young version of him.

My son clearly feels a bit weirded out, not just by the content of the messages but by the time they have been sent as well. He is assuming she was drunk (she's a big drinker).

And my question is: am I being overly prickly because I don't like her? Or is her behaviour really inappropriate? He's not yet eighteen and she is around forty. I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. Would I message one of my sons friends in the night calling them darling and adding kisses thinking it was harmless? I really wouldn't, and I know some of them very well. I would worry about it being misinterpreted at the very least.

What do you think?

He needs to block her. And you need a chat with him on strategies to deal with her. Does Mary know? cos, if so, that must be really weird for her too. There is nothing appropriate about her chasing your son, and you need to talk to him about it.

He can chose to block her on Facebook, or not, up to him. Telling him to do it or telling her not to message him, at age 17, is helicoptering. If he is friends (lovers? now that would make things complicated) with the daughter he will most likely encounter mum Mary physically anyway, so playing 'you no contact my son' Facebook games is ridiculous.

Am I the only one singing "Well here's to you Mrs Robinson..."

I was thinking of Mrs Robinson, but it's really not funny IMO. I have an 18 YO son and I'd be livid with this woman.

She sounds a nightmare tbh. I'd never have messaged my son's friends like that ffs.

I'm guessing she's not a friend of yours on Facebook. If she was I'd be tempted to post "When someone old enough to be their mother drunken-messages your child on FB" with a suitable emoticon (crying laughing/angry/shocked/whatever).

Then again I'd also be tempted to slap her into next week too so I'm probably not the best person to be commenting here.

Topaz iirc the film isn't really funny as it prpgresses and Mrs Robinson is portrayed tragically really.

It's inappropriate of her to send messages like that.

Its a difficult age (as I well know) as at the end of the day, at 18, he is an adult.

I would definately NOT be messaging her directly as that would be mortifying for your son.

But I would be watching the situation from the sidelines like a hawk. Be there to provide advice and keep the lines of communication between you and your son wide open.

But I would be watching the situation from the sidelines like a hawk.

Oh for Petes sake, why not explain to him he is quite likely having sexual bait dangled in front of him? I would have much the same conversation with my 17 year old daughter in a similar situation. If he goes over one day to visit her daughter and finds Mrs Mary Bloody Robinson walking around her own kitchen topless, striking poses for him, there is probably not going to be a person wearing a hawk mask looking through the kitchen window flapping and skwarking.

Yikes! insist he blocks her immediately. Creepy doesn't begin to describe it.
At his age I encountered friends with creepy parents but back in the day there was no vocabulary to articulate this.
Might be inclined to call her myself and ask WTF is your game ??
Sexual predators are often women who think they cannot be perceived as perverts due to their gender.
I know of several young men who have been manipulated by older woman. This was in the 80's when there was not the awareness we have now.
She is a pervert and needs to be reposted.

Almost 18. There's no way you can contact her & not make him look like a complete twat.

When he's next home just ask him how it went tonight & tell him how tragic & inapproprate it is that his friends MOTHER is sending him these message. Sad cow. Just make her look very tragic. Reiterate that you know he can refuse any stupid sexual passes she makes at him. Ask him if he's told 'Mary'.

OK, so she wants it to be taken as nothing so treat it as nothing. When you get the moment, you can jokingly talk about her "sending ds kisses in the middle of the night" in front of her dp and dd. It's alright, it's nothing. If it's wasn't really nothing that should stop her.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to talk to my son about it again this evening when he gets home from college.

I'm just going to reiterate that I find her behaviour inappropriate and cringey, but that he needn't worry I'm going to interfere in a way that would embarrass him.

I think perhaps he read me right when he tried to minimise things - he's concerned I will say something to her I think, and I'll be honest, it's tempting. An added complication though is that we live in a small community where everyone knows everyone elses business, and any drama around this would soon leak out and become town gossip.

Also, something is coming back to bite me on the bum. I had an eighteen month relationship with a man of 20 when I was 32/33. In fact he had been 19 when we first got together - just coming up to his 20th birthday. His mother was absolutely furious and I didn't really get it at the time. Ooof, I do now.

Another one for just blocking her. My kids have no qualms about blocking their parents friends or relatives if they get embarrassingly chatty on Facebook. I am not talking suggestively creepy but bringing up childhood memories or being overly involved in their lives, then they tell them they are blocked! - my friend's teenage children have blocked her because she was always tagging them in and commenting on stuff.

Your son needs to make no excuses just block. That in itself will tell her she has gone too far.

I think you should let your son ignore her

The timing of the texts/messages is not good.
Scenario, she is not a predator, she likes a drink

given the fact that she is mary's mother he can block her, or just ignore.
and with ignoring she probably wont be in touch again.

*Dadwashere
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Was there really any need to jump on one comment I made which was to not get involved directly as he's an adult but keep an eye on the situation? Which incidentally echoes what many posters have advised?

Just out of interest, what is it that everyone is so horrified about? Is it just the age gap or the fact it's the daughters friend the mum might be after?

I'd text back when the next inappropriate one comes through, 'Hi it's worriednotsure. Just noticed your text pop up on sons phone, you've sent it to the wrong number.'

She's not to know whether or not you've seen the others and it doesn't implicate you DS.

Yeah I'm sure DrHardie. There's no way on earth he's seeing the mother - he was uncomfortable with just her messaging him. If he was spending time with her there would be no reason to come to me weirded out about a message she had sent. We discussed it further today and he was visibly disgusted at the idea that she may want something to happen between them.

Kikibanana I personally am horrified because I know my son at seventeen is nowhere near emotionally equipped to handle this kind of attention from the middle aged mother of one of his friends. I also feel that this woman is risking seriously embarrassing her daughter and also jeopardising a friendship that is important to her. For what? So that she can prove to her sorry self that she's still got it? It's fucking tragic.