This is the first time I have posted please be gentle with me. Its quite a long story but I will try to summarise.
about 18 months ago I got back together with my first love after separating from my husband. We have known each other for 33 years and got together at school. We split up and then went out again when we were 20, then split when I had a year abroad for my degree and now we are together again. it was a slightly traumatic beginning as we were brought together when DPs best friend committed suicide and I helped him through it (he was also an old friend of mine). DP has always been a heavy drinker and also is bi- polar for which he takes meds. His last relationship ended because of his drinking (I know...alarm bells). He has periods where he drinks less and was always a 'functioning alcoholic', but also had periods where he would drink a lot. He has done 2 official detoxes and numerous other self - regulated detoxes where he has stopped , but always for a short while. When we got together he said he wanted to change his life for the better and being with me would be a massive help. I know he does love me very much but he has continued with his drinking since we moved in together a year ago. Not much initially but then increasing so that he was drinking in the mornings...but would usually remain 'functional' somehow, again to varying degrees. About 2 months ago he suddenly took a nose dive. He has been drinking incredibly heavily and is now up to around 45 units a day. He is incapable of anything other than lying on the sofa or getting up to get another drink or smoke a cigarette in the garden. He is unable to take care of himself and hasn't eaten properly for about 5 weeks, and nothing solid for almost 3 , I make him complan shakes .The problem is he is losing his memory, his personality has changed and he is verbally aggressive. He has decided that I am an exhibitionist based on the fact that I went in a hot tub with our friends whilst on a school reunion (we sat and chatted) I have worn bikinis, and I walked to the bathroom in my shorty pjs when we had house guests (they were upstairs asleep and I wasn't seen) (he decided this before the heavy drinking started and he says this hasn't helped his current state. He says he knows I will do this again. He doesn't threaten me with violence and he has never been a fight or threatened me in the past but he has started calling me names, he gets quite angry when he talks about my 'exhibitionism' and badgers me by going over an d over what I have 'done' asking for explanations and not accepting the answers. I have stopped responding now.but it is so wearing being under a constant barrage of accusations. I know it doesn't sound very much and it isn't compared to what a lots of people put up with but I am beginning to get really ground down by it all. I care for him and I am getting nothing in return. He even says I 'obviously' don't give a shit about him. He has about 4 subjects that he goes on and on about, he is confused, cant remember a thing, shuffles around, looks like a ghost as he is so pale and has lost so much weight. I have been trying and trying to ge t him help and he has eventually agreed to go to the local drug and alcohol support place. He was seen by the doc who told him he needed in patient de-tox. He is refusing to go, although I have asked for the referral to be made. Even his daughter saying she would be destroyed if he doesn't go only seems to have had a temporary effect. I am at the end of my tether, getting back aches and migraines and feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I am usually such a happy, optimistic person but I feel there is no hope. I have the feeling even if he does get to detox he will just go back to drink because he says he could never live without it. He is a mental health professional but now retired due to his health. I am so sorry for the ramble. I do really love him but I cant go on leading this life and I feel so stupid for thinking I could help him. My old life was so happy and secure in comparison and I am just not used to living with such daily stress. I just don't know what to do I guess. If I leave him there is no way he could care for himself but if I stay I do not think it will be any good for me. What should I do? Thank you