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Original poster

DP's ex sending photos of past anniversary cards

67 replies

Difficultyear2015 · 24/09/2016 20:09

Dp and his ex split up 18 months ago or so.

She seems to contact him every couple of months.

He has told her not to get in contact and she resorted to contacting his parents last month.

As was told not to contact again and hadn't heard anything until today when she contacted him via message with photos of the 2 past anniversary cards he had sent her prior to the split despite the message to him saying she knows they are best apart.

We are buying a house and starting a family together and I thoughts the ex was in the past, but this is getting too much.
I don't know her, I don't want to say anything but what can I do? What should he do if anything?
Do we ignore?

OP posts:
T0ldmywrath · 24/09/2016 20:45

My Dniece met her boyfriend online & 6 months later they have bought a house together & are keen to start a family. So 18 months is not too soon imo.

Can your DP block her messages or change his number. Otherwise just ignore. It must be tough for you both, though (and ex as well, she must be suffering )

Original poster
Difficultyear2015 · 24/09/2016 20:49

I am going to consider asking him to block her number so he doesn't receive the messages any more

I'm a little concerned for her health but I don't know her, there is nothing I can do to help that and as far as I have heard form people she was a confident independent career women. She didn't want children, she didn't want marriage and her work was everything to her, so I can't imagine hearing about us going down the opposite route she wanted to would have annoyed her in any way(unless she all of a sudden wants that now)

OP posts:
AnotherPrickInTheWall · 24/09/2016 20:49

Just ignore and don't engage in any way shape or form.
She's still hurting and she wont get over him if you contact in any way.
Don't do anything; don't block her, you will fuel her need to find other ways to contact him.

Mamabear14 · 24/09/2016 20:54

18 months is not too quick, blimey.
My DP's ex was like this, we had to get the police involved. From saying she was pregnant (she wasn't) and pushing her belly out for photos, to then saying her son (not his) had been airlifted to hospital with a brain infection screaming for him. He had a routine operation on his bits.
It's sad, and at first I really felt sorry for her, and ignored all her messages about how I was such a terrible person/mother/excuse for life. But it got too much, and we had to involve the police. Apart from the odd middle of the night attempt at a call, she's blocked it just shows that she's tried, it seems to have stopped.
Sometimes, dealing with it fairly harshly is all you can do, or it just doesn't stop.

ohwhatsinausername · 24/09/2016 20:59

I don't want to stir things, so to speak but is it possible, if they had a bad end to their relationship, that he is feeling guilty about that and as such has responded pleasantly at times and she might have understood it wrong?

Has she perhaps been in touch at other times that he hasn't wanted to tell you about because he wouldn't want to raise the issue with you out of causing an argument?

I don't think you should do anything about it, just try ignore her. You can't control her actions but you can control yours.

However, I wonder why someone that seperated over 18 months ago would do this if the ex had adamantly said "no more contact, I don't want to hear from you anymore"

Unfortunately some women don't understand when it's over but sometimes it's simply because of something taken the wrong way?

Me and my ex will never get back together but he sometimes brings up past memories of things, that get me thinking!

I don't want to put any doubts there but I would personally be checking with my partner in this case to be sure!

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 24/09/2016 21:00

I know how difficult this is, but, your DP sounds like HE doesn't want her back & that's all that actually matters.

I think it's actually better that he just responds with something like 'Hi, I'm sorry if you are still struggling with our split. However, I know we did the right thing & I have moved on, I hope you can too. Please don't keep contacting me, I'm not going to change my mind'.

I don't think it's nice to ignore someone who is hurting, especially someone you once loved & planned a future with. I think it's good to just state he's moved on & he isn't interested.

CalleighDoodle · 24/09/2016 21:34

op's dp and his ex split up 18 months ago, op and her dp presumably havent been together 18 months. So less than 18 months so i agree wih others this is moving very fast.

Are you absolutely sure he hasnt had contact with her in ALL that time? Because that is a long time to be behaving like a silly teen.

Why hadnt he blocked het already?! If assume he has been replying to her.

Original poster
Difficultyear2015 · 25/09/2016 20:25

I've just found out she's been texting my dp's dad this weekend too

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 25/09/2016 23:22

My Dniece met her boyfriend online & 6 months later they have bought a house together & are keen to start a family.

That doesn't set the benchmark though. Just because your niece did it doesn't make it a wise move.

How well can you know a person in 6 months.

SandyY2K · 25/09/2016 23:27

You need to let your partner deal with this. If he was that bothered he'd do something about it. He'd tell her to stop or he'd block her. He hasn't done either of those things for a reason. Maybe it's not bothering him like it bothers you.

TheNaze73 · 26/09/2016 08:15

I can see both points here. She's obviously in denial about what has happened & although none of her business, the speed at which your current relationship has moved must be upsetting, so I do have a degree of sympathy with her. Ultimately, I think you should back away, if his parents are communicating with her, that's their prerogative. I think you should let him deal with it

Original poster
Difficultyear2015 · 26/09/2016 09:18

I have sympathy for her but it's not ok.

She has a boyfriend.
She had nothing to do with my dp for the first year and now she's getting in contact with him sending photos and contacting his parents when they don't want to speak to her.
She is coming across very narcissistic in the way she thinks everyone must love her based on the things she's put in these messages.

My dp will deal with this.
I'm surprised and upset with her despite feeling sorry for her desperation. The messages say she knows they are better off apart which makes me think that she has other motives in sending these pictures.

I've been through a divorce myself that took just over a year and would not have expected my ex to be sending these sorts of messages 18 months after

OP posts:
mouldycheesefan · 26/09/2016 09:22

Block her. If your dp won't do that then he is enjoying the drama and attention.

Myusernameismyusername · 26/09/2016 09:25

If this was a bloke doing this people would cry call the police, block etc.

I feel a bit sorry for anyone who can't move past the end of a relationship but rather than being a sad case she's actually being manipulative, ensuring no matter how much time passes he is not allowed to move on or forget.

I think being all sympathetic to her is probably the worst idea for your DP. Everyone should block her and if you are worried for her mental health then contact her family and let them know.

It's intrusive and kind of not ok. He's made it clear he isn't interested and if this was male on female people would cry harassment.

mouldycheesefan · 26/09/2016 09:29

Call the police is a total over reaction be it a male or female ex partner who sent the picture 🙄 it's not really harassment level is it?

Original poster
Difficultyear2015 · 26/09/2016 09:33

ita very intrusive and not just affecting my dp as its affecting me and his parents too now.

He's been too nice to her in the past and having been told more firmly not to contact him again she's stepped it up a little.

She's throwing her toys out the pram and trying to get a reaction which is why nothing's been done about this yet.

She a coming across a bit precious and maybe her family should be informed but she apparantly wasn't close with family so not too sure if that would do much

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 26/09/2016 09:41

Mouldy, I was talking about the double standards here. Because it's a woman we should feel sorry for her.

Any unwanted, unsolicited contact can be classed as harassment. It doesn't have to be terrifying and scary for it to be harassment. There's also no telling when she will stop because he's already made it clear that nearly 2 years later he's not interested.

Having been harassed like this 'harmlessly' for months and months myself, by someone who 'just wanted to talk to me' I was depressed, scared and exhausted trying to find new ways to say no, please stop. Even when I blocked them they would find new ways of contact or bumping into me. I wasn't afraid of this person hurting me just felt trapped and cornered. The only thing that did make them stop was a call to 101 and a nice police officer politely asking them to refrain from further contact. It stopped

Myusernameismyusername · 26/09/2016 09:43

I think if you haven't ever been harassed it's difficult to picture how horrible it makes you feel so i understand how OP feels about this

2014newme · 26/09/2016 09:45

But the dp hadn't even blocked her

2014newme · 26/09/2016 09:45

Telling her family is pointless and feeds the drama

Myusernameismyusername · 26/09/2016 09:46

It pisses me off also that somehow this is OP's fault for falling in love and moving on with their lives and making her feel bad for taking someone's man!
Also how he must be to blame for this somehow for breaking her heart.

ReggaeShark · 26/09/2016 09:51

Just be sure your DP hasn't been communicating with her all this time. If not, why can't he and his parents just block her number? Its not difficult! Or are they all enjoying the drama?

Only1scoop · 26/09/2016 09:51

Block number
I'd ask your dp to ask his parents to possibly do same or most certainly ignore.
Did they buy property together? Is that all sorted? No more ties?

ohwhatsinausername · 26/09/2016 10:07

If you think she's trying to get a reaction, then I would definitely just ignore her.

If you block her, that might make her think she is getting to you and she might try harder?

I know it must be frustrating for you and everyone else but if you continue to ignore and she sees she isn't getting anywhere, she might back off. Nothings more annoying than seeing a message has been read and getting no response back!

If it gets too much later on, you still have the option to block.

SandyY2K · 26/09/2016 12:24

But the dp hadn't even blocked her.

He's been too nice to her in the past and having been told more firmly not to contact him again she's stepped it up a little.

So perhaps another text from him, reminding her that he asked her not to contact him and as she's ignored that, he has now blocked her number and other avenues of contact. And that any further attempts to make contact with him or his family will be seen as harassment.

That should do the trick.

The thing is that they were together for a while. They cared for each other a lot and they didn't have an acrimonious split, so he can't find it easy to be harsh with her. Which I'm sure makes you feel a bit threatened or insecure.