Selfish Husband - will they ever change?

[SouthPole]

I had a weekend away with my mates in July, this is after many years of growing, birthing and feeding babies. I wanted to travel to my hometown, go out on the Friday night, have a mad one and take two days to recover, coming home on the Sunday - my hangovers are notorious.

This was my first night out since New Year, which was a mad night in the house with friends.

So, we end up staying in on the Friday and heading out on Sat instead, I am dying all day Sunday but eventually get us in the car to drive home. I make it back and in good form about 4pm.

HUsband texted me in the morning 8am to say something along the lines of "I hope you're back at a reasonable time today". Totally him and totally PA. I was embarrassed for him in front of the girls, whose partners hadn't texted them with a chaser.

Anyway, he's gone home for a week to see his mate who is visiting from Vietnam for the first time in ages.

I am totally happy with this, and have told him plenty of times. He needs to see his male friends more, he works like a dog and I am always trying to get him to take time out to go golfing with his buddies, but work comes first - never family.

I said to him this morning and I know now I shouldn't have, but I did - I said do you see the difference between my actions here and yours in July towards me? i.e. I'm all like "take the week, have a mad one!!" whereas he was chasing me home at 8am on the fucking Sunday.

Anyway, it all kicked right off.

Right down to things that happened a million years ago. He thinks I engineered the argument to ensure he has a shite time. I genuinely didnt (and even took a minute to check whether I had on a sub-conscious level). I am truly happy he's going to have such a wicked week. He deserves it. I wish I could join him! I wish he gave me this freedom to party ad recover once a fucking year.

I couldn't cuddle him before he went.

I fucking hate him right now.

He cannot see the hypocrisy and |I can't let this one slide.

Where do we go from here? I expect no one can tell me. I'm sorry I've gone on.

I'm confused and sad and angry and I feel at the moment if I didn't see him again it wouldn't bother me.

[Blueskyrain]

This is so much more than his text to you when you were away. I can feel your contempt for him oozing out of everything you say and you may say that you don't begrudge him things, but clearly you do begrudge his time away, hence why you started the argument about it, just before he went. It was never going to go down any other way. Even if you didnt consciously do so, subconsciously, you are very, very angry at him.

Clearly you have things to sort out as a couple, probably from both sides. You need to be able to be honest with eachother, and communicate, but more than anything, I think you need to be back to a place where you are being nice to eachother. There is no love in what you write, no affection, just contempt. And much of it may be with good reason, but I think its something that is going to need to be resolved, if your marriage is to survive.

[SouthPole]

Yeah, we don't like each other very much at the moment.