Please help

[Hagothehills]

If you haven't read my previous post it's here

That was last night and this is tonight.

Once DS was in bed last night he was nice to me again. Had the offer of pizza and a film. This was after I did the three things he asked (clean the dining table, get the toys tidied away and iron a couple of shirts). He was perfectly charming most of the night. He wanted oral when we went to bed and I refused so he turned over in a huff mumbling something unintelligible and went to sleep.

This morning I'm ashamed to say, he asked me what my problem was yesterday (I had stood up for myself a bit and said I won't be spoken to like a piece of shit) and I said 'nothing I'm fine'. So off he goes to work with the request that the house is clean and tidy when he comes home.

This afternoon I turned on the (very expensive custom built gaming PC that was supposed to be just for him, but he has said that DS can watch Netflix etc on it) so DS could watch a few cartoons while I made his tea and it came up with a system update, one of the automatic windows ones. When it booted up the aspect ratio was wrong (screen doesn't line up with the monitor properly).

When dp came home from work he saw this. He is now blaming me for the screen going funny when all I did was switch it on. He's in a horrible mood again and stifled shouting at me because DS was around but I think it would have been very different had we been alone.

I feel awful because I feel like I am finally starting to see what he is but I don't want to/am too scared to leave.

My parents are divorced and their breakup was very amicable but it still devastated me. DS is so attached to dp it would totally break his heart. He is only 3 so wouldn't understand why he couldn't see his daddy.

I'm in such a mess, I don't what's wrong with me. I don't know if I should stay or go. I feel like a coward for staying but also like I'm throwing away a decade of my life and my son's stable home if I go.

It's also my birthday on Tuesday! Bloody happy birthday to me eh?

purple no it's been bothering me a bit too. There's been no posts from OP since friday evening when (on her other post) she said he was throwing things around.
i guess there's no way for MNHQ to contact OP and check she's ok?

Purplebluebird I have been thinking about this lady too and posted yesterday to ask how things were, she has not come back to the thread, I hope everything is okay.

Hi everyone, sorry I've not posted, our internet has been down for the weekend for maintenance. I'm the OP I've just name changed.

We've sat down and had a very long and very serious talk. I've spelled it out to him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour has been appalling and that it won't be tolerated. He's never been violent towards me or DS but has always had a short temper which has got him in trouble (not with the law) before.

He calmed down a lot when he mete and says as much, has agreed to look at anger management and knows that the merest hint of controlling or aggressive behaviour will mean me leaving with DS.

He explained to me that he is anxious about DS being looked after by a stranger so I can work when financially we are comfortable (so I don't exactly need to work I just would like to). I have total access to all money and savings and know his PIN. All tax credits and child benefit goes into my account for me to do with as I see fit and he regularly gives me money. I never stuck for cash.

I explained that I don't like being financially reliant on him and he seemed to understand and said he would do what he can to support me back into work, even if it means reducing his own hours.

I showed him these threads thinking that if he kicked off it would be a perfect opportunity to leave and if he didn't we could work out our problems.

As it turns out he didn't but was shocked to see himself in the cold light of day. He has seen that what he was doing is normal or healthy and is deeply ashamed and sorry.

A few years ago he was drinking heavily and getting angry with everyone and everything, he got a sharp wake up call and has sworn off alcohol since in a bid to stop himself from ever behaving like that again. At that point he was only ever perfectly pleasant to me but would cry to me that he was a stupid drunk who couldn't control his temper. I asked him how he was going to solve this and he proceeded to throw away all of his (but not mine) alcohol in the house.

That being said I will stay alert for anything untoward but I believe he is being genuine. I don't think he even knew how hostile he was being as he grew up in a very hostile home.

It will take a long time for me to trust him again but if he is sincere in his actions and words now and doesn't try any of this bullshit again he might regain it eventually.

Thank you all so much for your support and concern, I love you mumsnet :)

Hope it works out for you :) Best of luck!