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Original poster

Would you leave a 7 1/2mth old stay at his grandparents overnight...

65 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 05/02/2007 07:31

when he has never slept through the night?

Step MIL is constantly asking to have DS overnight, and i'm not sure that i'm ready. Plus, he has never slept through- he came close last week, but has been back to waking twice a night again.

I know she has the best of intentions, but i think she's forgotten how much work it is just chasing him round, never mind the night time stuff.

I'm almost tempted just to shut her up!

OP posts:
Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 05/02/2007 09:28

I am tempted...i just worry that i'll ring her at 3am asking if he's alright etc.

I do trust her- she's very affectionate and dotes on him. She isn't DP's mother, and we've only known her for about a year (DP was estranged from FIL for years) but i trust that she knows what she's doing. She takes an interest in him and what he's doing developement wise, and she gets all excited when she babysits, especially if she gets to bath him! The longest she's had him is maybe 4 hours or so?

The thought of a night to ourselves is lovely, but in practise i might not like it much after the intial few hours.

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 05/02/2007 09:49

Perhaps sunshinestarr's suggestion of working up to it slowly could be a good way to go then
Enjoy some time to yourselves but don't leave him completely overnight until you're 100% sure

KezzaG · 05/02/2007 09:54

Well I didnt, I couldnt bear to be parted from ds until he was 2. I just worried too much. Could you all stay over at mil and then you can be there to see how it goes and get your ds ready for it.

Then once you are sure it will be ok you can leave him on his own if you gelt like it.

1sue1 · 05/02/2007 11:43

I never left mine, only because I didn't want or need to. I would not have enjoyed time apart from them.

Whether she can or can't look after him to your satisfaction is irrelevant if you don't want a night to yourself, as there's no point agreeing just to please her. If you would benefit from a break, and trust her, do it!

Dinosaur · 05/02/2007 11:44

I don't think I'd leave him there overnight. But if she'll babysit for him in the evening, why don't you have a night out ?

edam · 05/02/2007 11:48

No, too little. Although I'd be tempted just to have the night off!

anniebear · 05/02/2007 21:04

lol, I had a night away when my girls were 3 months old and I cried.....because I had to come back to them

Horrible mother I am !!!!

I did have twins though and was exausted and probably a bit depressed by then

Bozza · 05/02/2007 21:11

Agree with those that say it is up to you and how you feel. Neither of mine were left at that age - I think they were more like 14 months in each case. But you think she is capable and responsible so it down to how you feel yourself.

Still it sounds like she will be a good support and asset once you get to that stage. Mine are going to the ILs overnight this weekend (they are 5 and 2) and I am looking forward to a night to recuperate and sleep in a bed. I have been sleeping on the settee for nearly a week because of a horrendous cough.

soph28 · 05/02/2007 21:24

Haven't read whole thread but if it were me I would jump at the chance! I mean if she wants to do it then that's great! It is difficult leaving your baby overnight for the first time but it is good for them to get some independence and used to someone else once in a while and it is very good for you to feel that you can do it and VERY VERY good for you to get a full night's sleep and possibly a lie in.

My mum lives very close and we see her regularly and both my children love her but she has never offered to have them overnight (she talks about it but doesn't offer). They are 6mths (and hasn't slept through) and 22mths (always sleeps through and goes down like an angel every night). I wouldn't expect her to take them both together. She has had the older one twice cos I have asked and I have had to go over and give him his bath and put him to bed first.

I don't think 7.5 mths is too young but if you will find it unbearable then don't. However if you think you can relax enough to enjoy having a night off then I would definitely go for it!

tommysmama · 05/02/2007 21:34

Oh god take the chance IMO!

Take the offer and use it to have a well earned rest or a nice night out.

Rememberm it may have been a while since she had children, but she's still 'been there, done that!' I'm sure shes not forgotten what its like getting up through the night and just wants to help!

BTW my parents took DS overnight VERY regularly from less than one month old. They love it, he loves it, I love it!!

deaconblue · 05/02/2007 22:12

of course. My mum has looked after our ds overnight once and MIL has looked after him at home overnight. They'll have a lovely time and you'll get some time off. But, no point doing it unless you want to. Both mums were actually pleased when ds woke up as they got a chance to cuddle him back to sleep and prove to themselves they'd still got the nack

Kif · 05/02/2007 22:26

It'll be fine - small babues are less thrown by a change of people/location than older ones. so you might as well get them used to one another.

fortyplus · 05/02/2007 22:29

If she's only 20 mins away then why not do a trial run. Let her have him but stay in and tell her that she's to phone you any time if he gets too much for her.
They'll have a great time and you'll get some lovely sleep

Tommy · 05/02/2007 22:32

My Mum had Ds1 to stay over a couple of times. He always woke up early so she thought it would be a really good idea to not out him to bed until 10pm (normal bed time - 7pm).

He woke up at 5am and didn't go back to sleep

She hasn't invited him back again

motherbeing · 05/02/2007 22:50

I wouldn't leave ds with mum or mil over night, even though they are great in the day/ for an eve out. I would worry that he would miss you.

twelveyeargap · 05/02/2007 22:50

I would. DD was weaned by 6 mths and used to go to stay with my mum for whole weekends. Go for it.

anniebear · 06/02/2007 11:47

I don't think a 7 month old would miss his mum whilst with his Nan if he sees his Nan quite a bit and knows her well

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 06/02/2007 12:36

well yesterday i thought- yes, i'll do it.

then DS had total separation anxiety at his 2nd settling in session with childminder, and i've totally changed my mind!

OP posts:
LittleMonkeysMum · 06/02/2007 13:14

I wouldn't, no way! Can she stay the night at yours and give you a big night off? I can't forsee any circumstances where I would let DC stay at inlaws overnight without me. My MIL often refers to when DD1's a bit older and can come and stay for the night on her own, and it just isn;t ever going to happen. I would leave DC with my parents though, but preferably in our home rather than theirs if we wanted a night away or something.
Never understood inlaws asking for grandchildren overnight, just bad manners in my book. Yes, offer to have them by all means, but actually asking for them is odd, it's just not their place.

Sakura · 06/02/2007 13:38

Yes, I donT think ID do it. My DD is nearly 5 months, and I panicked leaving her with MIL for 4 hours in the evening while I went to work for a bit tonight. Its not that I donT trust MIL (I do) and I know she adores DD. Im sure this is all the same with you. Its just a GUT feeling that I donT want to be away from my baby unless its absolutely necessary. As my baby gets older each month, I feel less "clingy" to her. So Id say, give it another month or so and see how you feel then.

anniebear · 06/02/2007 14:14

LittleMonkeysMum

if you become a Grandparent one day and dote on your gorgeous little Grandchild and ask your Daughter/son if they can stay the night at yours. Give them a break and you some quality time with your precious Grandchild............

you will have to remember its not your place to ask lol lol

anniebear · 06/02/2007 14:15

plus at some stage, if your child sees Granny a lot, they will love to go and stay at her house

Suppose we are all different!

LittleMonkeysMum · 06/02/2007 16:31

I would offer, make sure all concerned knew the offer was there and shut the f*ck up about it. As a gp I would not ask if they could come and stay, I maintain it would not be my place. It would be my place to offer help support and love, and to have an absolute riot with my gc if they ever did stay at my place; because they wanted to, or their parents needed them to, not because I persuaded them to! Geddit?

Sakura · 06/02/2007 23:09

Its true that grandmothers absolutely forget what being a young mum is like. Like someone else said, its easy to expect things of a mum, like she should be away from her baby, be less clingy. But in all fairness, consideration should be given to the woman who has not so long ago given birth, is probably breastfeeding, may still have issues with the birth (it takes 18 months to recover physically, and I dont know how long emotionally). I was made to feel clingy when I wanted to hold my newborn all the time. Honestly, I was made to feel like a possesive mum. I didnT want to be like that, so I put up with a lot of stress, trying to consider others feelings. 4 months on Im nowhere near as stressed about it as I was, but it takes time for you and the baby to need each other less. I`ll not let MIL put me under that kind of stress if theres a next time. Mums who have recently given birth should be let off the hook a bit, and given a lot of consideration IMO.

Nellycake · 10/02/2007 13:00

I would, but only because I'm confident that they'd do a fab job of looking after my lo. My M&D have looked after my nephew every other weekend (Fri-Sun) since he was about 2 months old.