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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Aghhh!! I hate Facebook. Anyone else..??

26 replies

Followyourart · 20/09/2016 20:17

So, this week is my first week at uni. It's a complete change for me and think it will be very challenging, anyway one if my classmates added me in Facebook - I hardly use it at all, but need to keep in touch with classmates so I accepted her request. Stupid me! Ended up looking at dp'a friends and surprise; found someone I've never heard of - beautiful young, blah blah.
The issue is, I've always known he has a "type" (red hair tattoos...) and well she is his type absolutely. I'm 32 and she's 27 ! I also know that if I bring it up, he'll say she is something to do with his hobby - which it seems like she is. But, I don't know. I feel like crap about my appearance at the moment, my confidence is rock bottom, plus I've started an Nhs course this week. Thankfully, he's working away otherwise we'd probably have a massive row over this.
And this is why I don't use Facebook! But at the same time, shouldn't you be open about these things as a couple? I'm not sure...

Sometimes I wonder whether he should have kept all the gushing about his type to himself, maybe then I wouldn't feel so completely worthless and like there's no point in anything.
So sorry for the rant. This probably doesn't make any sense..... :-(

OP posts:
NantucketNightbird · 20/09/2016 20:26

I don't like Facebook either, it brings out the worst in me and I get very angry. I deleted as dh wouldn't put he was in a relationship with him. Blush. I know that makes me childish but he is a singer so has lots of flirty messages etc. Plus before we got together he was openly gushy about his ex (who was engaged to someone else). But he makes it seem like I'm to blame and I'm being petty (probably am)

Forgettheworld · 20/09/2016 20:30

I think you're massively over reacting. If he's just friends with this girl there's nothing at all wrong with that, he's a grown up its his Facebook he can do what he likes. If he was messaging her or whatever then
that would obviously be different but you haven't suggested that. Why would you argue with him?

Somerville · 20/09/2016 20:31

What should he have been open about? Having a FB friend who is his 'type'? Confused

Possibly if he only has FB friends who he is really, really close to. But that's not now most people use FB.

But I understand you feeling hurt if he is gushing about being attracted to physical attributes that you don't have. Is that what he's doing?

Original poster
Followyourart · 20/09/2016 20:34

Thats sad nant I don't see a problem in putting that you're in a relationship with your partner....

I wouldn't argue with him, the mention of it would likely cause him to start shouting at me. It's the way things go, i would be the one being jealous, paranoid etc.. Which I suppose I am, in some ways.
I just wish I could feel more comfortable being myself and stop wishing I was some red headed pin up girl. (And for him to stop wishing I was.)

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 20/09/2016 20:35

What should he be open about? Should he tell you every time he adds a new FB friend? I think you're overreacting.

Oysterbabe · 20/09/2016 20:36

You're being ridiculous and I'm sure you know that Flowers

Forgettheworld · 20/09/2016 20:39

It's awful you feel like that but it's your problem not is. I'm sure you have a type or a celebrity you like does it mean you're going to run off with them?

Original poster
Followyourart · 20/09/2016 20:40

I think it's just Facebook in general. I find it a self esteem killer. There is always emphasis on people having a great time and showing off their fantastic lives.
I also don't have a single photo of me on there, and I know how odd that is...
This girl in particular has several selfies(obviously).. That's just not "me" though. I'm not sure whether I wish I was more like that.... I can't force myself to be like that though.

At the beginning (we've been together 3 years) he would mention his type, and commented once that - when I dyed my hair red - it wasn't "red enough"
All I ever do is compare myself to other women. I'm so sick of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Followyourart · 20/09/2016 20:43

Hmm.. I don't have a type. Seriously, I know that's strange but I just don't... I appreciate that most people do.

I realise I might think I was being ridiculous , if the relationship was perfect. But it really isn't. Our sex life is beyond poor, I can't communicate with him and he doesn't support me.
Maybe he'd be better off with someone like her.. I don't know.
Sorry for being so vague.

OP posts:
FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 20/09/2016 20:44

Sounds like you actually hate your DP telling you he has a type which isn't you, rather than hating FB!

I too hate FB, just deleted my account as it takes too much of my time to see nothing of any consequence and I end up living my life thinking "ooh I'll take a photo of that and put it on FB" which I realised was a bit shallow and show offy!

I also hate seeing my DP in photos with other pretty women, but I know I'm being daft as I know he doesn't feel that way about them and he has never been insensitive enough to tell me that I'm not his type (despite being the polar opposite of his ex!)

I think the issue is that you don't feel confident in yourself or you don't trust your DH.

Try to do some work on your self esteem and if your DH says anything about finding other women attractive in future tell him to shut up and keep his fantasises to himself unless they involve you! Flowers

WhatsGoingOnEh · 20/09/2016 20:45

Of he's telling you about his "type" (and you're not that type), then he's a total twat.

Which goes along with his shouting, etc.

Pray he runs off with this friend and leaves you in blissful peace.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 20/09/2016 20:46

Our sex life is beyond poor, I can't communicate with him and he doesn't support me. so that's the real problem then. If he was supportive and having sex with you to show how attractive he finds you your self esteem would be better.

Do you think the relationship has a future? You don't have to stick with it if it doesn't make you happy.

celeste83 · 20/09/2016 20:46

I dislike fb too. Deleted it for a good 9 months once but realised i was losing touch with distant family and some old uni friends. Returned and had a massive cull of lots of people who irritated me or i haven't spoken to for years and quite frankly not bothered about. Down to about 140 people now. It still irriates me though that everyone can see your every single activity with that stupud storyboard on the right hand side.

Forgettheworld · 20/09/2016 20:49

Well he is an arse for saying those things. If you've only been together 3 years and you have all those problems I think you need to move on, find someone who can stop you feeling so insecure.

Original poster
Followyourart · 20/09/2016 20:51

I would have deleted my Facebook if it wasn't for starting uni. I really dislike it.

I don't know where to begin getting self esteem.
And I don't think I can do uni, if I end up leaving dp, I won't be able to afford to do the course anyway.
I just feel so useless.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 20/09/2016 20:51

I think it's a dp problem rather than a fb problem. You'd probably feel a whole lot better about yourself if he wasn't dragging you down

toots321 · 20/09/2016 21:08

I have deleted my fb account just recently. Having time off of the world of faces and strictly no dating! I see it as taking time out to work on myself. Feeling a bit frumpy and in desperate need of some tlc Smile
Try not to read too much into it OP. Facebook can make us go a little bonkers sometimes 🙈

WamBamThankYouMaam · 20/09/2016 21:56

You do sound like you've massively over reacted to what in reality is a nothing. He's friends with someone on Facebook? Surely you're both able to have your own friends without needing approval from each other?

The types thing is what it is, I imagine it came from a conversation where you asked?

You sound like you've huge self esteem issues, you should work on how you perceive yourself rather than focusing on a website. You don't need to have Facebook to get through uni. Plenty don't.

Tiggeryoubastard · 20/09/2016 22:00

It seems like people are happier blaming Facebook for their poor relationships and hang ups than facing up to reality. Facebook itself isn't to blame.

Sallystyle · 20/09/2016 22:28

I understand OP.

Insecurity is a horrible thing and while many people won't admit to it, it is something a lot of people will go through at some point and you won't be the only one here to have felt upset by seeing their partner friend someone who is known to be their type on FB.

I do not know my husband's type, or even if he has one and he doesn't know mine. We are both quite insecure, I don't need or want to know.

I wonder if you boyfriend puts you down and goes on about his type because he enjoys making you feel insecure. Be very careful. It sounds like he might be trying to make you feel like shit and he doesn't sound nice at all.

celeste83 · 20/09/2016 22:31

I do agree to an extent Tiggery but fb also has caused a lot of problems too.

tallwivglasses · 20/09/2016 22:35

So hang on, he's funding you to do this course so you have to stay with him? Is there no way you could do it part time?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 20/09/2016 23:24

I can't stand FB either and deactivated my account and never looked back. Can you set up another FB account with no friends on it, just to be able to join the clubs and societies which use FB to communicate group activities etc? You don't even have to use a name people will recognise as you, so you don't get friend requests you feel obliged to accept.

whaaaaat · 21/09/2016 09:51

I'm not on FB and never have been. I find it quite sad that people think I'M strange for not being a member. I'll admit, I've been tempted a few times. Mainly to see how an old friend is doing or old enemy is failing but every time I get that temptation, I remember how many people I know who've had so many issues with it. 9/10 times it involves an ex getting in contact or vice versa and it doesn't normally end well.

RestlessTraveller · 21/09/2016 15:42

I don't think it's a Facebook or DP problem. I think it's an anxiety problem. Have you sought any help with your self-esteem?

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