Time travel thread - what would you tell your younger self.

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

At Nocapes and PreemptiveSalvageEngineer suggestion :)

I still miss my single independant years a little bit ... I had a fair bit of fun, achieved a lot independently and am so proud of my younger self. Although I do wish I could go back to my 16 year old self and give her a slap around the back of the heads and shout 'He's not got hidden depths, hes got hidden shallows! Throw him back!'

I'd also tell her that she's never going to be dainty and pretty, but that she was tall, funny and striking - and that years later that shorter boy that she fancied would be telling her at a school reunion that he actually had a mahoosive crush on her. But was to shy to talk to her. So walk tall and wear those stilettos!

What would you tell your younger self?

If go back to 2005 and say no when my then dp asked me to marry him.
We've recently separated after 9 years of marriage and 2 DC.

I never wanted to get married. But I didn't want to lose him. He knew this but asked anyway. I think we'd have got past that.

I also didn't want kids but, as soon as we got married I started thinking whether I could prevent him from being a dad. Did I not want them more than he did?

I gave pieces of myself away. And I continued to do that through 2 years of infertility, horrendous first pregnancy (hyperemesis) which kept me off work. When I retired after first ML I was pregnant with dc2 and went pt. When I returned after dc2 I was badly bullied by my boss (he didn't like me for being pt, for 2 back to back pregnancies, whatever. I had no fight and my dh didn't support me enough (though I didn't notice at the time) to raise a grievance.
I stepped down.
My dm died, I became very ill, undiagnosed hypothyroidism and my health deteriorated till I was bedridden.
He did everything for the family and kept our home running but he started resenting me and didn't speak up.
So here we are, all these years later and I'm alone with my 2 fabulous DC. And he's with his younger, childless, highflying mistress.

I gave up my principles for a man who didn't actually understand what marriage and DC meant.
I gave up myself.

I would tell my younger self not to do that.

Oh Babs

Some of these are so sad.

16 year old - Yes I know you love him and he will be in your life forever, but not in that way, please let him go. You don't know it yet, but the quiet one in the band is where your future lies.

18 year old - You didn't listen did you? Look, he will marry her and not you, get over it. And please please please do not get sucked in by that charming accent, the man is a knobjockey and you'll regret this decision.

20 year old - Hang on, better times are coming, you have the strength to LTB.

22 year old - See, I told you band guy was the way to go! (Marry him sooner) Hug your DF tightly because time is shorter there than you can imagine. Stop being so shit with money!

24 year old - Stop being a dick and get pregnant, no-one is going to react the way you think and you are way more capable than you know.

make more money when you're young

... In your 30s you will discover something unusual about yourself that will shake you to the core. It will all become clear (well kind of).

1985 be more assertive and say no
1995 it's over ltb you should of done years before
1998 no means no regardless of relationship status
2002 he turned out a bad one but a good one after all
2016 don't take shit, be that assertive bitch you know you are. He'll respect you more.

Aged 20: do not go home from the disco with that loser you fool, he will ruin your life.

Aged anything from 15 upwards (repeat every year): being a good responsible girl will gt you nowhere. Tell 'em all to eff off and do what you want to do. You may be poorer but you'll be a heck of a lot happier.

Aged anything: children trap women.

Lottery numbers

You know the funny exciting one who appears to be perfect for you? She isn't. She'll drain you financially and emotionally for years to come before betraying you in a horrible way. She's just pain in a pretty package.

You know your best friend who's being abused by her boyfriend? Make a play for her, you know she's what you need and you'll find a love that you always hoped existed. She may not show you any sign that she wants you, so just kiss her once and see what happens.

To Mrs F in 1993 aged 30. I know that the thought of a big church wedding fills you with horror and that eloping seems preferable but your lovely mum has only a year to live. She's too sweet to raise any objections but you know she'd love it. And you're an only child. Thoughtless bugger.

Ah Mrsf that's sad - hope you've forgiven yourself for that as I'm sure she forgave you (not that there was anything to forgive as such, but hope you know what I mean).

Aged 19: he's not worth your tears. Focus on your degree. Don't go to that house party, don't stay there. Don't drink that drink.

Aged 20: run for the hills and don't look back. The second that first put down passed his lips, just run. Don't stand for the gas lighting, EA etc. It's not you, it's him. You're not the one for him and he's sure as hell not the one for you. Focus on your bloody degree!

In 1996 : I know you've had a mc, and it really hurts, but by the end of 1998, you will have a toddler and a newborn.

In 2004 : It's really shit that you've just found out that "D"H has been having affairs all over the place. You will stay and try to make it work, but he doesn't change. What you don't know now, is that 30 minutes away, in a different town, is the love of your life, who is also in a shit relationship. The good news, is that in 2008 you do leave, and so does he, and you meet 2 months later.

In 2008 : That gorgeous guy you just had a first date with....you will marry him and it will be wonderful.

In 2013: That was a shock redundancy and I know you're scared. But later this year you will start your own business and it will be a success, and you will earn more than double what you did at that old job.

In 2014: Both the kids do get in to Uni, and they do well.

I would say, don't listen to all the other grown-ups telling you that your school/teenage years are the best years of your life. They're wrong - teenage years are naturally awkward and cringey. Life actually gets better as you get older.

I would say, don't let that mysterious sexy neighbour next door at uni bring you down with his enigmatic melancholy... Enjoy your uni years and be happy-go-lucky, don't feel that you have to be gloomy too, as a crap attempt to impress this depressed boyfriend.

Don't do certain things out of desperation, there are better ways to get our of this situation you're in.

And when you visit the USA, obey their laws, even a seemingly minor offence like underage drinking - it's 21 there! You will not be allowed back to the country, even to be a bridesmaid at your cousins wedding, unless you go through a lengthy visa process, which you have a high chance of getting declined for... So don't do it!

Yeah mine are pretty specific!

Thanks Ihatched.

16yr old me: dont change anything, everything you are doing, all the shit gets you to a time where you will be happy its worth it.
you'll get through it have 4 beautiful dc, a loving man and your own buisness.
Dont regret anything, youll look back and wish youd changed this and that but it all leads to where you will be and that is worth waiting for.