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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Time travel thread - what would you tell your younger self.

68 replies

FeckTheMagicDragon · 17/09/2016 15:58

At Nocapes and PreemptiveSalvageEngineer suggestion :)

I still miss my single independant years a little bit ... I had a fair bit of fun, achieved a lot independently and am so proud of my younger self. Although I do wish I could go back to my 16 year old self and give her a slap around the back of the heads and shout 'He's not got hidden depths, hes got hidden shallows! Throw him back!'

I'd also tell her that she's never going to be dainty and pretty, but that she was tall, funny and striking - and that years later that shorter boy that she fancied would be telling her at a school reunion that he actually had a mahoosive crush on her. But was to shy to talk to her. So walk tall and wear those stilettos!

What would you tell your younger self?

OP posts:

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 17/09/2016 19:13

To 16 year old me - a size 10 isn't fat, and regardless of what your mother and boyfriend tell you, you are beautiful.

You'll know this because your future DS will find a photo one day and tell you.

Don't lose your virginity to him, he's abusive and you'll never recover from the outcome.

And stop thinking your second best. You deserve all the first chances in life, like everyone else.

SecretRed · 17/09/2016 19:16

Put that cake/chocolate/burger/bread down!!! It's not worth the lifetime of failing at dieting!!

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 17/09/2016 19:51

I thought you must have a relationship backstory

Thanks, Temporarily and Edna - being a wise woman (if I'm not being immodest ) comes at a price!

NoCapes · 17/09/2016 20:01

Not at all Preemptive you are indeed very wise

TemporarilyLost · 17/09/2016 20:03

You are wise, and have the wicked ability to make me laugh without minimising what I'm trying to say!

StrawberryMouse · 17/09/2016 20:03

It's all going to be ok!!

vintagechick43 · 17/09/2016 20:06

That all the pretty, skinny popular girls will be fat and fugly by the time they are 40 where as you my dear will ripen with age like a good red wine !!!!
Being a young mum at 18 is hard work but very rewarding as you grow together and become the closest of friends.
Work hard at school and get a decent job !!!!!

TemporarilyLost · 17/09/2016 20:06

Oh and to add to the thread, 16yr old me: it's not rebellious and sexy to be picked up during lunch break at school by your 22yrs bf to go and fuck in some field before double RE in the afternoon! You fucking fool!

pocketsaviour · 17/09/2016 20:17

Think about everything your mum taught you, then do the exact opposite. You do not have to put yourself last; you do not have to hang onto this loser in case nobody else wants you; you do not have to have sex when you don't feel like it just because he does; you do not have to apologise to the universe for existing.

You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You can be both of those things at once.

It's okay to enjoy sex. It's okay to ask for what you want in bed. Liking sex doesn't make you a horrible slag or a bad, unworthy person.

Use your words. Your vocabulary is huge so FFS use it. Stop expecting people to know what you want through your coded messages of "I'm FINE actually" and "Of course, if that's what you want dear." It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to say that you have feelings.

Be a bit kinder with people who aren't as intellectual as you, because cutting them down doesn't make you look clever, it makes you look like a twat.

ddrmum · 17/09/2016 20:26

To my 16yo self: by all means love him but SEE those red flags. You are good enough, never forget you are beautiful, intelligent & kind. Don't sacrifice your future & believe in yourself. You can do this - and I have. (Just like the wonderful nocapes )

troubleatmill2011 · 17/09/2016 20:33

I'd tell her;

Let him go, don't follow him like a love sick puppy, be independent and don't make yourself look like an idiot following him round as you don't need him. Dump him and move on. P.s. Marrying the next one is a major mistake, you'll regret that as you don't love him.

NoCapes · 17/09/2016 20:35

Ah thankyou ddrmum

dementiawidow · 17/09/2016 20:42

At 18 - don't marry him
19 - LTB
20 - LTB
21 - LTB
22 - FFS LTB
etc via 2 DC until finally age 35.
And then I would say to those same young women, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are smart, you are doing a great job. It isn't you. Sometimes they really are just fucking bastards and nothing you can do will change it. And most of all, don't think you are doing your children any favours by staying, because they will grow up and look back on those years and say to you
FFS WHY DIDN'T YOU LTB?

dementiawidow · 17/09/2016 20:42

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 17/09/2016 23:40

Temporarily, far better to skip double RE than lunch.

Dementia wow! That must make you the wisest woman of all of us.

suspiciousofgoldfish · 18/09/2016 00:43

Smoking isn't cool. (But just sometimes, it is needed).

You will regret going out with "bad" boys in fifteen years time. You will see them in tescos, toothless and shoplifting, and hide shamefaced in the baby aisle.

NASA jackets will never look good.

Rimmel coffee shimmer lipstick makes EVERYONES teeth look yellow. And for gods sake, stop using brown eyeliner as lip liner.

Those are just off the top of my head. Doubtlessly I have loads more.

Liskee · 18/09/2016 08:19

Don't spend so much money on credit. You'll still be paying for it at 40.

Stop eating so much crap. It won't fill the hole and it won't make you feel better.

Don't go back. Move forward, move on, leave him to work it out himself!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/09/2016 09:16

I would tell my younger self, that at times unsure young girl of 18, that it will work out okay. Yes I know you were lonely and working in a mainly female environment after leaving your first job thankfully exacerbated that loneliness as well; the all had either a husband or boyfriend and you at that time did not. You saw them all receive flowers on Valentines Day at work and you were happy for them although you felt sad yourself. I think at times you wondered whether you were ever going to meet someone special. You were good at your job and you met some nice people through it. Employers put you in a series of crap work wear uniforms but they never told you off about the fake leopard skin shoes you wore!.

And if you want to get your ears pierced again then bloody well do so. You only need to give your own self permission to do it.

Things at home were not fab at times either; what with dad's heart attack soon after you started there, his series of redundancy and maternal grandparents passing away when you were in your early 20s were all very dark days. You had to grow up very fast and no-one seemingly held your hand throughout that time emotionally or figuratively; they certainly did not know how to act when you got the call from your mum to say that your nan had died.

You travelled and still do; it all started back then. You learnt that one of your friends honeymooned in Hawaii and that actually planted a seed in your head; one that itself came to fruition some years later.

lemonzest123 · 18/09/2016 09:19

Dear Past Lemon,

You're not a failure, you'll eventually be an almost solvent almost functioning adult.

Please don't self harm. Those are my arms and hips you're ruining!

Don't worry about your relationships, you're on to a winner in the end

Love Current Lemon x

Original poster

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/09/2016 13:40

Atilla - the traveling thing - yes! I'd tell my younger self that travelling is for you, and you will do it!

OP posts:

VioletsAreViolet · 18/09/2016 20:05

You know that baffling thing called the internet? It's not going to go away, so learn to embrace it - you'll find unversity a hell of a lot easier.

Say no when your friend asks you to go out on 17th December 1998. That way you'll never meet him and the next 3 years of your life will be so much happier.

For god's sake look after your teeth and don't get yourself into debt buying all those clothes. Size 8 isn't going to fit you for very much longer ...

39up · 18/09/2016 20:48

15 yr old self - you're not the ugliest girl in the world. Stop beating yourself up. You're also not the last to be kissed. And it'll happen. It'll be OK.

18 yr old self - your A levels will go fine. Chill. Also, you don't need to do 5 of them. You will go to university, where they will only ask about 3 grades and no one will ask about the rest ever again. You are killing yourself for no reason at all.

21 yr old self - he's awful. Please leave him. He's emotionally abusive, and he's exploiting you hideously. Oh, and he's not a misunderstood genius who can't possibly work and needs time to compose his perfect work of art. He's just a twat. Kick him out now.

26 yr old self - you haven't wasted your life on the twat. You've just managed to set yourself free. The best is yet to come.

crje · 18/09/2016 21:00

Teen me-
Do not take up smoking
Do not have sex with P wait for A
Do a bit more st school

Adult me-
Do not relocate with Dh
Speak up more
Do not rush through the years, enjoy the journey.
Tell M to go to the doctor before it's too late

WingsofNylon · 19/09/2016 07:25

I would say to 13 year old me: it is your body which means no one else gets to decide what happens to it.

doji · 19/09/2016 08:05

I'd go back and teach myself appropriate boundaries and the confidence to walk away from people that didn't abide by them. Life would have had fewer crappy bits if I'd known better than to put up with shitty treatment. I feel so sad for me as a child, as I wish I'd felt safe and loved and valued, but happy that I finally do now.

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