Hi all, long time lurker looking for independent, impartial, outside advice.
We have a long distance relationship as when we first got together I was doing my final year at uni and boyfriend has a job that requires him to move to a new place every few years, so since we've been together (3 years) he's had his job in 3 different places (recently took up the new 3rd job) around England. When I finished uni I got a graduate job (took any job I could get - you know how the graduate job market is) so I didn't move in with him as couldn't get a job near him and expected him to move again, so I stayed at home and we saw each other on weekends etc which worked, as he was very busy with work during the week anyway.
First 2 places he was, we've had incidents of him getting involved with other girls that I've subsequently found out about. As far as I'm aware this involvement has been nothing physical. But at the 2 separate jobs there was a female at each one that he was texting flirty things to, arranging to go out for dinner etc. Anyway, be young, stupid and in love I forgave him and we moved on and it was all honky dory.
He recently took up the third job a month or so ago. Anyway, things have been a bit strained between us for a while, because he's older and wants to properly settle/move in together, but I can't find a job near him so have stayed at home. Both of us have jobs that you can't just drop and pick up wherever you go to, and they're fairly specialised, and I'm not willing to just drop my career to follow him round the country unless I could get a suitable job near to him, and he could find a position that he could stay in for a few years.
ANYWAY...queue last week he decided out of the blue he couldn't put up with it anymore and dumped me, and I was devastated. It came out of the blue, I didn't realise it would affect me so much and the most important thing is that he assured me there wasn't anyone else, it's just the long distance wasn't working anymore. So after the initial tears/argument etc we agreed to see each other last weekend and talk it through, which we did and were fine. I noticed he was texting a lot and (stupidly, but followed my gut) read his messages. Essentially he was talking about becoming single (didn't seem as devastated when texting his friends as he made out he was to me) and rejoicing in the fact and talking about how he was moving on and 'striking while the iron was hot' to get in there before I did. Meanwhile I had been devastated by the whole thing. So we had it out about these messages, and he apologised, said it was stupid and his way of dealing with it. This was Sunday.
Tues we'd been talking all day but hadn't spoken for a few hours when I got a text from him saying 'you could stay tonight x' which obviously sent me into MELTDOWN. My thoughts are that this text was obviously supposed to go to someone that he was inviting to stay for the night, and not me. So anyway, I called him going crazy and initially he didn't know why as he obviously hadn't realised the text had gone to me. Anyway, he swears blind that it was supposed to go to a guy friend and say 'we could still go tonight' but because he was driving it came out as 'you could stay tonight x'.
Now I think I know in my heart of hearts that he's doing the dirty and being a complete bastard and I need to get rid of him, for my own sanity at the least. On the other hand, he was my first serious boyfriend, first love and all that jazz, and even though we're not together daily, I can't bear the thought of him not being mine and him being with someone else. I'm toying with the idea of if I moved with him it would be ok, and he wouldn't get distracted by these other girls and it would all be fine.
I don't really know what I'm looking for in this post - just reassurance i guess that everything will be ok if I do do what's right and that I'll get over it?