Received text from DP that wasn't meant for me - help

[FemelleReynard]

Hi all, long time lurker looking for independent, impartial, outside advice.

We have a long distance relationship as when we first got together I was doing my final year at uni and boyfriend has a job that requires him to move to a new place every few years, so since we've been together (3 years) he's had his job in 3 different places (recently took up the new 3rd job) around England. When I finished uni I got a graduate job (took any job I could get - you know how the graduate job market is) so I didn't move in with him as couldn't get a job near him and expected him to move again, so I stayed at home and we saw each other on weekends etc which worked, as he was very busy with work during the week anyway.

First 2 places he was, we've had incidents of him getting involved with other girls that I've subsequently found out about. As far as I'm aware this involvement has been nothing physical. But at the 2 separate jobs there was a female at each one that he was texting flirty things to, arranging to go out for dinner etc. Anyway, be young, stupid and in love I forgave him and we moved on and it was all honky dory.

He recently took up the third job a month or so ago. Anyway, things have been a bit strained between us for a while, because he's older and wants to properly settle/move in together, but I can't find a job near him so have stayed at home. Both of us have jobs that you can't just drop and pick up wherever you go to, and they're fairly specialised, and I'm not willing to just drop my career to follow him round the country unless I could get a suitable job near to him, and he could find a position that he could stay in for a few years.

ANYWAY...queue last week he decided out of the blue he couldn't put up with it anymore and dumped me, and I was devastated. It came out of the blue, I didn't realise it would affect me so much and the most important thing is that he assured me there wasn't anyone else, it's just the long distance wasn't working anymore. So after the initial tears/argument etc we agreed to see each other last weekend and talk it through, which we did and were fine. I noticed he was texting a lot and (stupidly, but followed my gut) read his messages. Essentially he was talking about becoming single (didn't seem as devastated when texting his friends as he made out he was to me) and rejoicing in the fact and talking about how he was moving on and 'striking while the iron was hot' to get in there before I did. Meanwhile I had been devastated by the whole thing. So we had it out about these messages, and he apologised, said it was stupid and his way of dealing with it. This was Sunday.

Tues we'd been talking all day but hadn't spoken for a few hours when I got a text from him saying 'you could stay tonight x' which obviously sent me into MELTDOWN. My thoughts are that this text was obviously supposed to go to someone that he was inviting to stay for the night, and not me. So anyway, I called him going crazy and initially he didn't know why as he obviously hadn't realised the text had gone to me. Anyway, he swears blind that it was supposed to go to a guy friend and say 'we could still go tonight' but because he was driving it came out as 'you could stay tonight x'.

Now I think I know in my heart of hearts that he's doing the dirty and being a complete bastard and I need to get rid of him, for my own sanity at the least. On the other hand, he was my first serious boyfriend, first love and all that jazz, and even though we're not together daily, I can't bear the thought of him not being mine and him being with someone else. I'm toying with the idea of if I moved with him it would be ok, and he wouldn't get distracted by these other girls and it would all be fine.

I don't really know what I'm looking for in this post - just reassurance i guess that everything will be ok if I do do what's right and that I'll get over it?

[Daisygarden]

I'm sorry OP, I know this is hard but if the text said "You could stay tonight x" then that's exactly what it was meant to have said. The excuse is just bluster and poppycock and I think you know that.

All the writing is on the wall. The guy has split with you, he's happy to be moving on, he's sending texts to other girls inviting them to stay. If you are around that's just a temporary bonus level not the main event, whereas to you, obviously he's the main event.

Don't waste your time on a guy who treats you so flippantly. There are guys out there who have no intention of flirt-texting anyone else except you.

[Vlier]

Op, I'm so sorry but it clearly already is over. He just got back with you last weekend because you made it too difficult for him to dump you. He is a twat who can't handle your emotions.

It's over. Call your best friend and have a good long cry. Sorry.

[40somethingwonderful]

He's stringing you along. Get rid 💐

[magoria]

Have you considered you may need a trip to an STI clinic?

[whywonthedgehogssharethehedge]

Sounds like the relationship has run its course. Also he sounds like a twat.

You deserve far better.

[ChocolateBudgeCake]

I've never known a guy who adds a kiss at the end of a text to another guy friend.

Get rid. You deserve soooo much better. Don't give this joker another minutes of your time.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

He's cheating on you for the third time in your relationship.

Long distance relationships can only work if BOTH partners can implicitly trust the other. Actually, that is probably true for all relationships.

At least, I suppose, he had the decency to end things with you before inviting his latest "flirtation" to stay the night.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Oh Femelle, it's bound to hurt sweetheart, your first serious boyfriend, but it's over.
You have to see it for what it is.
Time for you to move on, and embrace dating !
You've got your head screwed on, you'll be okay
He just wasn't the one, that's all.

[nephrofox]

It's over. Delete his number. Don't be desperate enough to do the whole 'let's stay friends' thing. Look after yourself for a while and you will move on

[TheABC]

You dodged a speeding bullet with this guy. Run for the hills and don't look back. He won't change. Enjoy your career and find someone who cares about you.

[MissBattleaxe]

He wants to end it. The hints are massive. He's moving on.

Yes this will hurt like hell, but everyone gets at least one major heartbreak before they end up with someone lovely and think "Phew! Thank God I didn't stay with Alan Arsehole!"

If you stick this out, his lies will be more elaborate and you'll be miserable wondering what he's up to and you won't ever trust him. That's NOT a relationship, that's misery and it'll wreck you. Get out now.

[Iamdobby63]

Leave him to it and move on with your life. Doesn't seem like you are losing much, believe in your own self worth.

[hellsbellsmelons]

He sounds like a creep and you sound very young and naive.
Time to dump his sorry cheating arse and find a real man!

[DailyMailEthicalFail]

Hold your head high and walk away.
(better yet, run!).
Don't try to stay with someone who has so little respect for you
(or himself, or the other girls - yuck).
This really isn't you it's him - and he is a sleaze.

Walk away smiling. You have dodged a speeding bullet.

It wont feel like it, yet. But, in time, when you meet someone who cannot see anyone but you in his world, you will be SO GLAD you did.x

[LIZS]

Surely he's already ended it with you. He doesn't sound worth the energy of trying to convince him otherwise. How would he intend to settle down if he moves job , and presumably gf, so frequently. You will move on, he already has.

[gonetoseeamanaboutadog]

No, you need to let this go.

[RB68]

To me he is a serial womaniser, afraid of commitment and while you were safely at college and committed to a job you couldn't "interfere" with his lifestyle of dating and speaking to whoever he liked whenever. He is running scared as change means you might even move in with him....which would cramp his sleezy style. Frankly it hurts but you need to plough through and come out the other side, you will be a stronger person for this and you need to assign some value to you and your needs and not run around after someone else.

[FurryLittleTwerp]

"supposed to have sent it to a guy friend"? with a little "x" at the end?

perhaps he has always been a closet homosexual

whatever - he's a sleaze

[Goldenhandshake]

He is a serial cheat, a liar, and a cold callous cunt, to put it mildly. Don't give him a second thought, you will be absolutely find and don't need a waste of space like him.

[Buddahbelly]

If this is your first serious heartache, then I will bet my whole house and its entire contents that it will hurt for a few weeks then 1 day you will wake up and just not care anymore, you will realise what a twat he is and that thought will replace any happy memories of the 2 of you.

Then 1 day you will meet someone worth your time and most probably local to you maybe and you will wonder why you spent so long travelling to see dave the dick so much and kick yourself for wasting time on him!

Dont text back, block and ignore, that will hurt him more than you replying to his messages letting him see how upset you are. he's someone else's problem now!

[squeaver]

Just walk away.

Don't answer any more texts or calls. In fact, block his number.

In a couple of weeks you'll be amazed that you put up with for so long.

[GDarling]

Don't waste one more minute on this cheating horrid selfish man, he sounds as though because you won't do as he wants, he is just going to go ahead and please himself regardless, without a second thought for your feelings.
I promise you, that in 6 months when you have a new real man, one that you deserve and he deserves you too, that you will kick yourself for being so gullible/nieve/forgiving.
Go out and find a great man, go out with yr friends and have some cheeky fun, go and enjoy yr young life, start loving yourself and do not put up with anymore s*it from anyone, you are the most important person in your life right not, if in any doubt, look at yourself as a friend would see you, what advise would you give 'you' ?? You'll be fine.

[FemelleReynard]

Thank you thank you thank you.

I've slept on it, re-read these messages of support a 1000 times, and know what I have to do.

It's amazing what an outside perspective does, I've seen it all in a whole different light.

I can't thank you all enough x

[mydietstartsmonday]

He is trying to get out of the relationship. I am afraid you have to come to terms it is over. 3 years is a good run, now time to be single & have some fun and see what comes along.