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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me accept the truth.

26 replies

Bella64 · 12/09/2016 16:07

I've been seeing a guy I've known for a number of years for about 4 months now, but I know things aren't right and I need some strength to end the relationship. I'd really appreciate some feedback. Firstly he never answers any texts I send. We never go out together anywhere and I see him once every 2 weeks if I'm lucky and that's just for sex, he stays maybe 2 hours then leaves again. I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee one day and he said no, he said that unless we could sleep together he didn't want to see me. I have to sit and wait for him to contact me. He says he loves me, but I don't understand how any of this can be love. I've never felt so worthless or hurt and I know the only person who can stop all this is me. Please can I have your comments, no matter how harsh they are I'd appreciate the words

OP posts:
painbadger · 12/09/2016 16:10

You are a booty call - he does not love you.

Tearsneverdry · 12/09/2016 16:10

It's not love.
He wants sex ..you already know this tho don't you?
Tell him to piss off

idontlikealdi · 12/09/2016 16:10

It couldn't be any more obvious could it?? Block his number and move on.

Tearsneverdry · 12/09/2016 16:11

It's not even a relationship ..your a fuck buddy

myfriendnigel · 12/09/2016 16:11

Sorry op but he has told you Lesley
What you are to him-Dec and not much more. If you want more than that then you would be best to cut your losses and find someone who deserves you.
It's hard not to project your own feelings about someone on to a relationship that involves sex sometimes-but I think that's what you are doing here, when all he is doing is meeting up for a shag every so often.
This will designate your self esteem if you let it go on.

PepsiPenguin · 12/09/2016 16:11

He doesn't love you, your a booty call I'm afraid.

Move on

myfriendnigel · 12/09/2016 16:12

Told you clearly. Not Lesley!

BerylStreep · 12/09/2016 16:14

I was wondering who Lesley was!

Yes, you are only a booty call. Bin him and leave the path clear for someone worthwhile. Also, try to think about why you have let him do this. Do you not think you are worth more?

user1471443066 · 12/09/2016 16:15

He doesn't love you....he feels momentary connection with you during/after sex, that's all.

Give yourself two weeks of not contacting him at all, and the drug of him will have worn off.

SandyY2K · 12/09/2016 16:16

What does he bring to your life? I suggest you text him you're ending things and block him. I'd normally say just block him... but idiots like him have a tendency to accuse you of cheating. So end it. Block him and go total no contact.

EdithBouvierBeale · 12/09/2016 16:17

I'm sorry you are going through this but walk away from him. He doesn't deserve you. You know this already. Be strong.

Pinkerbeller · 12/09/2016 16:18

It's not a relationship, it's a relationshit.

Stop shagging the shithead and start asking yourself why you think you're worth so little.

oldlaundbooth · 12/09/2016 16:18

'he said that unless we could sleep together he didn't want to see me.'

He could NOT be more explicit, OP.

= no more time of day given to this idiot.

Original poster
Bella64 · 12/09/2016 16:25

Thank you all so much for your replies, you'll never know how much you all taking the time out to comment means to me

OP posts:
adora1 · 12/09/2016 16:28

Why are you staying in this shit relationship, he's using you for sex and that is it, it must surely be obvious to you?

MatildaTheCat · 12/09/2016 16:47

He doesn't even think you are worth the price of a cup of coffee.

Ouch, I'm so sorry to have written that but please find whatever self respect you have left and delete his number from your phone. Refuse to open the door. He will probably step up and bring you some petrol station flowers and say 'But Ilooove, you babe.' Don't reply.

Then have some time alone and try to work out how this happened and how to avoid a repeat performance.

Flowers
TheNaze73 · 12/09/2016 17:24

He has no respect for you. That must surely be enough for you to end this facade

ALaughAMinute · 12/09/2016 17:36

He's not making you happy is he? You can do better than this and you know it. Get rid of him, he's just using you. As for saying he loves you, he's only saying that so he can continue having sex with you. You deserve better.

SlowJinn · 12/09/2016 17:45

Being a fuckbuddy only ever works if you both only want a shaggy now and again. You are worth more than this and what you describe isn't love.

Stop all contact. There's no relationship to end. Just be unavailable and find someone who will cherish you.

QueenLizIII · 12/09/2016 17:47

he said that unless we could sleep together he didn't want to see me.

Ouch. There it is in black and white.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 12/09/2016 17:55

You are categorically not a fuck buddy, he'd have to like you to be that. It sounds like he really doesn't like you at all. Block and move on, you deserve better.

Luvjubs · 12/09/2016 17:57

My mum once said to me; 'many boys will tell you they love you. Many boys will tell you what you want to hear. Actions speak louder than any words'
You are a booty call. That is all.

QueenLizIII · 12/09/2016 17:57

I had a fuck buddy before. We had sex...that was the fuck part. We had dinner, texted about things other than sex, watched films with a take away on the sofa, had drinks, styaed the night...that was the buddy part.

This guy wants a bang and go. Dont give him it anymore.

benbry · 12/09/2016 18:04

He's treating you like a free prostitute.

PushingThru · 12/09/2016 18:20

He's not treating you like this because you're a worthless person, he's treating you like this because he is. Every day you spend devoting your emotional energy & headspace to this user, is another day less you get to spend being happy in your future. You have to learn how to protect yourself & say no to people who take the piss.