From reading MN is my BF controlling

[TooDamnNosyy]

So sorry this is so long!!
I’ve never thought of my partner as controlling but reading a lot of the posts on here im starting to think im in a controlling relationship. I will list a few examples from what other people have described and my personal experience. Please let me know:-
Demanding to pick up on a night out (may sound nice but I get the ‘who was I speaking to’ ‘you’re lying’ ‘can’t believe how drunk you are’ when I’m not as its only blinking 9pm most times) and the next morning is just horrendous…effing and blinding about the night before and how it’ll not be happening again…like I say I’m not drunk as he’s only dropped me off an hour before.
I came home from a night out and he was away working I said I was home but he didn’t believe me and asked me to take a picture holding an object in the house.
Reminds me more often that I’d like that I couldn’t do better than him if we split up.
One time we had an argument and a couple of items in the house were smashed. He took absolutely no responsibility for it, he would have blamed the weather honestly!!
I currently own the house we are living in and he splits the bills at the end of the month. If we fall out about this time I never get the money. I sometimes think he starts arguments to not pay. Telling me I don’t deserve it or if its after hell demand money back.

There are other examples that I can’t really think of atm. May I add I have never given into these demands as I don’t take lightly at being told what to do lol. I think maybe sometimes you need to write down these things to realise what a prat you are with or maybe I have just been reading too much into it after seeing some posts on here x

Well done.

He sounds like my cunt of an exBIL. As far as you're concerned, suicide would probably be doing you a favour.

OMFG. That sounds horrendous. Do the police knows he threatened to kill you both? If not, tell them.

Well done!!!

WELL DONE! You're the second wonderful escape story I've read on MN today and I'm sooooo pleased and relieved for you.

I always picture it a bit like this - when a woman suddenly realises he has no real power over her:

Lol was the weirdest experience of my life! Ive decided to let sleeping dogs lie! its been NC now for over a week. I feel sad but SOOOOO happy im not in this situation anymore. Couldnt belive it

Awww thank you StVincent

Omg nosyy that sounds horrible and scary. Well done you

TooDamn well done - what an utter arse he is (and not in a good way).
He has threatened to kill you though and I don't think you should minimalise this as women are regularly killed by their P/XP.

I really think you should report his threats to the police.

have you changed all the locks etc?

Seriously bet there are hundreds of MNers out there being so proud of you.

Hope you've got some fun stuff lined up to keep you busy and happy and stop you (perish the thought) missing the bastard.

Sorry BeMorePanda i wasn't minimalising the situation i am deeply upset and hurt by what has been said and done i just want to forget it now. x

OH StVincent you have no idea ha! I cant wait to be out past 9pm WOO

Another one here clapping you like a starved seal! Well done!

If he ever comes near you, call the police.

OP I thnk you've nailed it in your original post. It's all deliberate - even down to starting arguments round bill-paying time as some kind of outrageous excuse not to pay his way.

I'm glad you own the house. This means you can kick him out. You need to get him out of your life and your house. Don't let yourself get persuaded out of ending this relationship. He is vile and has no respect for you.

I would go for the 'this isn't working for me approach' and stick to it. No need for drama - he would feed off this. Don't give him anything to engage with, but just very calmly and quietly end the relationship. Give him notice to leave your house - say 2 weeks. If he starts smashing things up you have to call 999 then and there.

Well done OP. You've only wasted 4 years on this man. Some people end up with an abuser for decades. On second thoughts, don't even consider it a waste - think of it as a lesson well-learned. Not your fault.

Whoops sorry - it's moved on a bit.

Thought it was just the first page. Bloody well done OP. Not easy to do but you've done it.

Hillfarmer Thank you i haven't felt too good about but you guys are just the best

Sorry you've not been feeling too good.

If they don't know already, have a heart to heart with a good friend or two and tell them what he was really like - the stuff you've told us. That'll help to remind you if you ever try to tell yourself it wasn't so bad.

OP, do you have anything in writing/voicemail which involves a threat to your life?