DH says I am trying to fundamentally change him....

[handsfree]

We have ongoing issues with the fact that dh just forgets an awful lot of things, conversations we've had, things I've asked him to do, things relating to family life etc and flowing from this, the fact that I feel he just is never really listening to me eg frequently I will say something to him and he will say the same thing back to me 10 minutes or even a day later, with no recollection that I have said this to him already.

We have talked about this before, I tell him that it makes me feel unimportant, ignored, unlistened to. We most recently had this conversation last night (after he forgot to come home to take our eldest in for his first ever day at school) and he didn't even remember that we've had conversations about this as an issue before

No he doesn't have actual memory issues, he just says he doesn't have a very good memory. However, he holds down a very busy well paid job (ie 6 figures) so it is my opinion that it can't be that bad, and it seems more selective than across the board.

He says that asking him to address this is trying to fundamentally change him. I think that is a lazy excuse to continue to ignore stuff he's not really interested in.....

Any advice?

You might find these threads an interesting read OP:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2543620-Incompetent-husband-anyone-else?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2703947-Incompetent-Husbands-What-Happened-Next

Fair enough, amyboo. You're the organised one. You keep telling yourself that. Tell yourself that as you pair his socks and remind him which day of the week it is.

Like many others on this thread, I'm a bit scatty, and forgetful.

Like many others on this thread, I have a system to try to ensure I remember things. (I put alarms on my phone calendar.)

His problem is not his memory; it's the fact that he actually doesn't care enough to do anything about it.

he is responsible for himself at work

He must have a system to remind him of things, then. He just needs to apply it at home.

My husband is quite similar and it's bloody tough dealing with that. I have to remember everything and make all the important decisions for the household. I'm convinced he has ADHD, especially now we are on the cusp of a diagnosis for our eldest child - she does similar things eg looking for something and not seeing it despite it being right in front of her face. It does feel like laziness as it comes across as an inability to focus for more than five seconds. I can see it isn't intentional but there are techniques people can use to improve memory and focus. Added to this issue my husband also hates being told what to do, so if I remind him of a task or ask for help with something I get yelled at or there's sulking. Being more organised won't change people but it will make everyone's life easier, including theirs! DH actually has similar difficulties at work despite a good career and salary, he's done well because of his natural abilities but is held back by the bad memory.

What strikes me is that he is seemingly perfectly willing to allow this 'fundamental' characteristic of his personality to affect his child!

If you are forgetful and liable to miss major life events then get a fucking reminder system in place.

You might want to have loud conversations with your child along the lines of ' yes daddy forgot to come home and take you to your first day at school because thats just the way he is'

Tosser

On your last post you mentioned that you were supposed to both take your DC to school.
That is why he "forgot", because you knew you'd pick up the slack.

What happens if he is responsible for the child?

Is this a new development or has he always been like this?

Do you work too OP?