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Relationships

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Original poster

Does your partner say 'I love you'?

76 replies

winterisuponus · 08/09/2016 14:47

A colleague at work always finishes a phone call with her DH with 'I love you' (this is of course perfectly fine). But it got me thinking about how many people in a relationship don't say that at all.
DH and I have been together for 15 years, married for 8 with DCs and there was only one time (at our wedding) when we said 'I love you' to each other. We have a beautiful relationship, we show each other every day that we love each other, we have great sex,we are very happy. We just don't like saying it. It feels very strange to say it to him, although we both say 'I love you' to the DCs hundred times a day. I'm perfectly happy with this, I prefer he showed me he loved me (as I do to him) than say 'I love you'.
I was just wondering if we were the only weirdos around or if there are any more 'I love you' - phobics :D

OP posts:

Chasingsquirrels · 08/09/2016 17:13

We say it often, usually end phone calls with it but that feels a bit like just saying bye, also usually say it at night just before we go to sleep and will say it at adhoc times.
I think we also show it as well, at least he does and I hope I do!

n0ne · 08/09/2016 17:14

When we part ways we always say it (and, for that matter, never leave each other on a cross word) because if anything happened to either of us, we'd want that to be our last words to each other. Apart from that, we might say it randomly a couple of times a week. Sometimes (even after 9 years!) he'll do or say something that makes me feel a sudden rush of love, and then I'll say it.

StrongTeaHotShower · 08/09/2016 17:15

15yrs and every day. I don't mean it anymore. It's lost all meaning. Dp says it as a sign off on the phone and if one of us are leaving the house. He gets arsey if I don't say it back. It might as well mean see you later.

Forgettheworld · 08/09/2016 17:45

We say it before leaving for work and before bed, sometimes I randomly just text him saying 'I love you.' I say it to my DS ALL the time. I can't remember my parents ever saying it to me but I know they do. I always think what if (God forbid) one of us die today and I'd not said it. Morbid I know

INeedANameChange · 08/09/2016 18:18

My ex DP didn't say it once for the last five years of our seven year relationship. I found it upsetting really. Everything else then fell apart naturally and I realised it wasn't the sort of relationship I wanted to be in.

With DH, it's every day, at least once a day. I can count on one hand in the last 9 years we haven't said it and that's only when we're too pissed off to talk to each other at all

INeedANameChange · 08/09/2016 18:18

Oh and my parents never said it to me either. I tell my kids (and mean it) several times a day!

colleysmill · 08/09/2016 21:55

rarely unless in response to me. A bit like the response to "how do I look? nice" without bothering to look up.

it's actually start getting to make me feel really unwanted

Sallystyle · 08/09/2016 22:20

At least twice a day.

Always before going to bed and always in the morning.

We end phone calls with I love you and my husband often says it out of the blue. Sometimes we will be watching TV and he will tell me he loves me.

Littleladylumps · 08/09/2016 22:27

My dh tells me about 10 times a day;end of phone calls when he goes to work etc. I have recently told him to "stop fucking saying it, just show it" .

keepingonrunning · 08/09/2016 23:04

XH used to tell me 'I love you' all the time, to an annoying degree. Turned out they can be the three most manipulative words in the English language. He used them as a smokescreen while he shagged his way throughout the whole of our marriage - mostly with other people.
I'll be looking for consistent deeds not words if there is a next time.

Notagainmun · 09/09/2016 15:07

A few times a day but not routinely. Not every time we say goodbye but when we feel like it.

ClawsForThought · 09/09/2016 15:19

7 years together and all the time. It's as natural as 'how was your day', 'did we get any post', etc. but with a bit more enthusiasm.

MariposaUno · 09/09/2016 20:09

I say it almost daily to my dc but when I had a dp and I did still do love him I only said it the once and then last time we parted.

I don't like to say for the sake of saying it, I feel that love is shown through actions and that the partner will feel it.

Ragwort · 09/09/2016 20:16

We say it but not sure we really mean it - been married nearly 30 years; I would never say it to my parents, nor they to me, but I know they absolutely do love me but we are all of the generation where it is not so 'usual' to say it all the time.

But I agree that real love is shown through action rather than words. .

BennyTheBall · 09/09/2016 20:24

Yes! We bandy it about to the children and each other every day. Both boys (18 and 14) say it to us when they kiss us goodnight or finishing a phone call.

We both grew up with parents who never said it and were never demonstrably affectionate so we are totally over compensating.

BreatheDeep · 09/09/2016 20:31

We say it regularly but not routinely and not every day. We only say it when we mean it iyswim. Obviously we love each other all the time but we only say it when it feels like it's going to burst out of you. Wow, cheesy!

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 09/09/2016 20:48

We say it all the time, but I know what some people mean about it being overused! It took us a few months of skirting around it before we said it properly.

My DCs tell me all the time, but I don't remember ever telling my parents. My mum would sometimes say "ooh I do love you" like it was somehow in doubt! I knew she did, but she just wasn't very vocal about it.

This puts me in mind of the 5 languages of love. Words of affirmation are more important to some people. Others prefer physical touch or 'acts of service' i.e. taking the strain and doing things for each other.

notagiraffe · 09/09/2016 20:51

We say it all the time. Several times a day. But I don't think it's a sign of being more affectionate than people who don't. Just habit and personality type.

maddiesparks · 09/09/2016 20:54

We say it almost everyday, I think we mean it when we say it. Often at the end of the day in bed before going to sleep, after sex, sometimes spontaneously during the day and at the end of most phone calls. I also tell my parents I love them at the end of a phone call or visit and my best friend too. I tell the children all the time I love them. Personally I don't think you can say it too much, life is unpredictable- I've learnt from experience to tell the people that mean the most to me that I love them as often as I can.

LynetteScavo · 09/09/2016 21:00

DHs stance is he's told me once, and if anything changes he'll let me know.

I ask him sometimes if he loves me and he says "Oh yes" very sarcastically.

I did say I would never ask him again after I drank too much and threw up on in him in bed, and he just cleaned up and changed the sheets and liked after me. You have to really love someone to not complain about that .

thisagain · 09/09/2016 21:04

I never say it to my husband at the end of a conversation, do to my middle child (because she does) and always do to my 82 year old dad (because he does)!

blueshoes · 09/09/2016 21:49

My dh rarely says it so when he does, he is usually caught up in the emotion of it. I know he means it whether he says it or not.

I would be suspicious of someone who says it all the time. It takes powerful words and makes them meaningless. Can I trust the person who does this? I could also interpret it as someone being needy and wanting me to say it in return. Either way, it annoys me. Then again, I don't boyfriends to text me all the time.

yummymummy1920 · 09/09/2016 21:57

DP and I will say it more out of habit.. We have a strained relationship at the moment but just hearing it everyday reminds us that we do love each other life just gets hard sometimes and to keep pushing forward and fighting together

alltouchedout · 09/09/2016 22:08

We've been together twelve and a half years and married eleven; we say it lots. Many times every day.

MaQueen · 09/09/2016 22:08

We say it most days. But we really mean it. And, we show it, too.

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