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Original poster

Does your partner say 'I love you'?

76 replies

winterisuponus · 08/09/2016 14:47

A colleague at work always finishes a phone call with her DH with 'I love you' (this is of course perfectly fine). But it got me thinking about how many people in a relationship don't say that at all.
DH and I have been together for 15 years, married for 8 with DCs and there was only one time (at our wedding) when we said 'I love you' to each other. We have a beautiful relationship, we show each other every day that we love each other, we have great sex,we are very happy. We just don't like saying it. It feels very strange to say it to him, although we both say 'I love you' to the DCs hundred times a day. I'm perfectly happy with this, I prefer he showed me he loved me (as I do to him) than say 'I love you'.
I was just wondering if we were the only weirdos around or if there are any more 'I love you' - phobics :D

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 08/09/2016 16:19

I'm single but on the note of family I always say 'love you' to my sister at the end of a call or a meet up but never to my parents. I say it to my DC a million times a day but it's really lovely when people show it, I agree it doesn't have to be said as long as you just know.
I wouldn't worry if a partner didn't say it all the time if I knew they did anyway

ForeverLivingMyArse · 08/09/2016 16:21

Constantly. Sometimes we add 'no, like REALLY love you' for emphasis.

Sometimes we say it in the style of Danny Dyer in Human Traffic.

We always say it though

KittyKrap · 08/09/2016 16:23

More than once a day face to face. His family are quite demonstrative so I get, 'love you', texts from mil and sil too which is lovely. I'm 48 and my DM has never told me she loves me, ever.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 08/09/2016 16:27

Neither has my mother, Kitty. I think that's had more of an effect than I'd realised. My dad does occasionally, always awkwardly, but he tries. But mother, never. My son's say it to her and she says it back which is lovely, they didn't really give her a choice! But a big childish part of me feels aggrieved she can tell them but not me.

Myusernameismyusername · 08/09/2016 16:28

I don't want to say it to my parents either so am not offended by it

LozzaChops · 08/09/2016 16:31

I grew up in a household where no one ever said it, and find it really difficult to say in relationships now as an adult! I think I make it very obvious in other ways though. I hope so.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 08/09/2016 16:32

DH and I together 10 years.
We say "I love you" at the end of phone calls and when leaving the house, and a few times in between if the mood takes us. Sometimes it feels more like habit, but that doesn't mean we don't mean it.
We say it to DD all the time too.

Thurlow · 08/09/2016 16:37

Very much like you, OP - not anymore. We used to say it loads but 15 years and 2 DC in, we don't say it very often at all. We normally only say it when one of us realises they've been a bit grumpy for a while, or we haven't seen each other much because of shift work.

We're not an overly touchy, romantic couple and never have been. We've been on nights out as part of a group of friends and had new people be surprised by the end of the night that we were a couple.

It suits us, though, and we both know we love each other.

DD, on the other hand, seems to get all the hugs and kisses and "love you's" in the world Grin

FreckledLeopard · 08/09/2016 16:40

All the time! But we haven't been together long and he's super-romantic and affectionate. And I say it back all the time too. It's ridiculously mushy Grin

bert3400 · 08/09/2016 16:42

My husband will say" God I love you so much" with such passion it make me go all wobbly .been together 18 years ...I think its lovely

ShinyDiscoBalls · 08/09/2016 16:44

DH and I have been together 10 years & married 4 and we say it everyday when he leaves for work and before we go to sleep. I'm also very close to my dad and brother, and we always finish telephone conversations with 'love you'

I just think you never know when will be the last time you see someone you love, and I always want them to know they are important to me!

lazymongoose · 08/09/2016 16:45

Slight off topic but doesn't it annoy anyone else like on tv for example where a person says 'I love you' and they just get a hug in response or a smile Angry might just be me but if I say it I expect the same response back Hmmalways grates on me I don't know why.

ProcrastinatingSquid2 · 08/09/2016 16:49

He says it probably once or twice a day. I wish he didn't because I feel like I have to say it back, and even though I do love him, I feel uncomfortable saying it. My whole family (with the exception of my mum) are quite bad about expressing love and affection.

LastInTheQueue · 08/09/2016 16:50

We've been together 14 years, married 10 and we say it every day. When we wake up, before leaving the house, at the end of phone calls, when going to sleep, and other random moments through the day.
I did have a colleague once comment that I always said "love you too", meaning that my DH was the one saying it first, but it's of no consequence who says it first. We do love each other very much and we really like letting the other know. I think it's very important to let your loved ones know you love them, be it through actions or words, or ideally both.
I'll always remember an episode of "Everybody loves Raymond" when Ray couldn't say "I love you" and I just thought how sad that was. It's like he was embarrassed to let the one person who means the most to him in the world know what he actually feels. I know that's tv, but I have met people in real life who very rarely, if ever, tell their partners they love them, and I find it difficult to envision a day when my DH would not wake me up with a kiss and an "I love you".

pinocchiosnose · 08/09/2016 16:51

Dh and I very very rarely say it to each other. The only time we tend to say it is if one of us is having a hard time like an illness or just going through something really stressful. I'm happy the way it is , we know we love each other and for us saying it constantly would feel very unnatural.

CookiesAreMyBesties · 08/09/2016 16:53

We say it a lot, with a kiss before work, maybe a message during the day, with a kiss after work, when we look at the other and just can't keep it in, via little notes for each other. We say it to family, a hundred times a day to the kids and we show it in so many ways. It's just how we are, we also cuddle a lot, touch etc. Been together 12 years and i don't think I'll ever tire of the way he says it or saying it to him. Never thought that wasn't totally normal but different people do their relationships in different ways I guess, none less special than another.

aircool · 08/09/2016 16:53

We are like you OP, we hardly ever say it to each other (probably every few years). It would be just too much to say it every day. We have always been like this, we're not soppy/PDA types at all and never have been and never wanted to be. We're both happy like this although we know we're seen as the odd ones in social situations sometimes.

Sometimes DH will say it to me and I'll smile/hug him in response. He doesn't say it in order to get me to say it.

damngirl · 08/09/2016 16:54

I used to find it really hard to say the words. It made me feel awkward and it felt forced when I was with my ex of a few years. But my current partner and I say it to each other all the time. The more you say it the easier it gets. I really like being able to say "I really love you" when I feel like saying it now. Both of us say it to each other in equal amounts.

Mybugslife · 08/09/2016 16:55

Me and DP say it allllll the time. I love getting random messages in the day just saying I love you.
We do of corse show our love for each other as well. I don't think it's a case of if you say it a lot you don't show it and vice versa. X

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 08/09/2016 16:59

Each morning when we wake up, when waving each other off to work, end of phone calls , when we have random cuddles on the couch, and each night before we go to sleep Grin

Mybugslife · 08/09/2016 17:01

Family wise my mum says its a lot to me, my dad barely ever says it and if he does it's usually because either he or I need to hear it for whatever reason. My nan is the same and my grandad used to say it when we were kids but not so much when we grew older. I say it to my DD allll the time and It's the only thing I say out loud when I got down to my DS's grave X

whaaaaat · 08/09/2016 17:01

Me and DP seem to go through phases of saying it every day, sometimes multiple times, to nothing for a week or two. That's odd, isn't it Hmm

Oddly enough, my ex (dds dad) just told me he loved me. By mistake I'm assuming when he was hanging up. He's clearly used to speaking to his gf on the phone and ended the conversation with "I love you". Sliiiightly awkward though Grin

LoveRosie2008 · 08/09/2016 17:05

I have had horrible and nice people say it to me for all sorts of reasons. Means nothing to me, words are cheap, its actions I'm looking for.

Fanjolena · 08/09/2016 17:09

We say it a lot but to be honest I think we over use it because it's become a bit meaningless for me, I don't really 'feel' anything when he says it anymore Blush he could be saying "grey pants" for all it does for me!Grin we do love each other though and I would be devastated if we ever split up.

pasic · 08/09/2016 17:09

My DH says it occasionally, my usual response is "I'm not surprised".

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