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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Help. Ashley Madison website

64 replies

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 05:37

Don't give me a flaming for snooping. Need help from someone with a bit of computer savvy...
H search history shows two links to ashleymadison (the cheaters site),
one obv is to the homepage at
www.ashleymadison.com/app/public/index.p
but the other looks like it must be from within the site at
www.ashleymadison.com/?ac=13681&keywords=692308-1305170

This just takes me to the first link when I click on it, I have no idea what his username or password would be. Can anyone help??

OP posts:

Nakupenda · 08/09/2016 08:53

I tried signing up for you and typing that into the search bar but it just took me back to the log in page.

It definitely looks like he has searched for someone because I get a similar URL when I click advanced search and put in a few options.

Nakupenda · 08/09/2016 08:54

Christ I can't believe the amount of 'attached
Males seeking females' there are in my area. Gross

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:11

Nakupenda, thanks for checking that. I would totally believe he looked at the homepage out of interest when the scandal happened, but joining up and searching is taking it a bit too far. I just told him that I'd been on his computer and found something. He completely can't remember any website he shouldn't have been on, but I guess you've got my conclusive evidence right there. I know he won't say anything unless I specify, it's driving me insane. I need a pc guy!!

OP posts:

Nakupenda · 08/09/2016 09:14

I second a PP and ask on Reddit. The guys on that website have serious know how and they'd crack it for you.

Do you have any reason to doubt him? Any reason to think he might actually look to cheat?

When I made a profile on Ashley Madison I text DP just to tell him what I was doing incase he saw an email from the site & wondered. I'd have expected your partner to say something like that to you if it was totally innocent?

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:18

Yeah, especially as we had a conversation not too long ago about why tinder came up on his search history in the middle of the night (his account is linked on the kids tablet). He came up with some convoluted story with a friend he was out drinking with that evening. It was plausible, but I'm wondering again now.
Bastards.

OP posts:

7to25 · 08/09/2016 09:19

There was a documentary about AM a few nights ago. I didn't, but could easily have looked at their homepage out of curiosity. For the person who thought that meant that I had been "searching".

LottieL · 08/09/2016 09:29

Is it not a possibility that he was looking for someone specific that he knows ie to take the piss out of? Not saying that's the case but it's a possibility as there's only the homepage and a search link. There would be heaps more links if he had actually used the site at length - unless I've misunderstood of course and there were more links and webpage history notes.

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:37

You're right lottie, though why wouldn't he admit this and show me so it would clear him? I'm not surprised there aren't more links shown, I think he would have been using incognito browsing and this one just got missed. I'm pretty sure this could be the case as I know he's looked at porn which hasn't shown in the history, therefore use of incognito...

OP posts:

smilingeyes11 · 08/09/2016 09:39

so he goes on Tinder and AM and you think that is ok? The fact that you started this thread shows me that there is no trust here - and without that no relationship

smilingeyes11 · 08/09/2016 09:41

And porn too - that would be a deal breaker for me alone I am afraid. Why do you think this is all you deserve I wonder? He sounds horrible and dishonest and sleazy too. Yuck.

You can justify all you like, and make up excuses he was looking for a mate or whatever - but deep down you are minimising to yourself.

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:42

No, I don't think it's ok, but as I said, he had a plausible excuse before. That's why it's imperative to know what that second link goes to...

OP posts:

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:45

If he's been looking for someone else I'm certainly not going to justify it in any way. It's a big step from suspecting someone of something and breaking up the family and going it alone. I doubt many ppl would do that without concrete evidence.

OP posts:

smilingeyes11 · 08/09/2016 09:49

sounds to me like you are looking for any reason to justify and minimise this to convince yourself he is honest so you can bury your head in the sand and stay with him

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 09:52

Ever heard of being innocent until proven guilty? As stated, that's why I need to know the second link could only have been produced if he was deliberately searching for something.

OP posts:

Nakupenda · 08/09/2016 10:03

The fact 'keywords' is in the URL kind of shows it's a search.
Key words are used in a search to narrow data down, so it's obvious he has searched for something using specific words/options.

The fact he's minimising it shows he's more than likely guilty of something.

You know the Ashley Madison URL didn't get there magically, it's been searched for. If he were honest he'd be telling you he went on it to see what the scandal was about and out of curiosity he made a bogus profile to see if he recognised anyone.

allthecarbs · 08/09/2016 10:06

Hey, why are you having a go at the op? It's her life and if she feels she needs concrete proof then she needs proof. She's not going to start divorce proceedings just because a stranger on the Internet would in her position.

Have you asked on reddit yer op?

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 10:17

Not yet, carbs, I'm not familiar with reddit and I'm not sure where to post. Is there a particular subreddit to go to or can you just put it on the main page? (mind you, I know H goes on reddit, would the main page give him a heads up?)

OP posts:

allthecarbs · 08/09/2016 10:18

I'm not sure, I don't really go on there. I would suggest tweaking your story though so that if he does come across it it won't ring any alarm bells.

puzzledleopard · 08/09/2016 10:25

I agree with others that the second link with the same as everyone else that he has logged in and searched for something and he's logged out since and you need to be logged in to access that page/ area of the site that's why you cannot access it.

If he's only been on the homepage?
If he was on the homepage he'd have to actually search for it, meaning he's looking into joining a website specifically for people to cheat on their partner.

^ this is not necessarily true I've heard people and friends talk about this site (Mostly bad things) and I googled it to see what everyone was on about I never got as far as logging in, I did wonder if anyone I knew was on there. Its the sort of site I could see my mums ex being on! I went to view it but it doesn't mean I actively went there to cheat on my partner!

I went there today does that mean I'm guilty because I searched for a site that allows me to actively cheat on my partner? :s

He is in the wrong here and there is evidence pointing towards further access to the site which I'm not disputing that but to say because you have just visited any sites homepage of this nature therefore you are there to actively looking cheat isn't always the case.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 08/09/2016 10:48

OP have you tried clicking on 'forgot password' on the login page and typing his email into the box? Usually it tells you 'sorry there is no account associated with that email' on websites like this if the email address hasn't been used to create an account.

That should help you work out wether he was just looking at the home page or has an account.

Nakupenda · 08/09/2016 10:51

Puzzled, I said that because it's more than obvious he's gone past the homepage with that second URL.

CatLover69 · 08/09/2016 10:59

It was basically exposed a while back when that site had their massive security breach that there were NO legitimate female accounts and that the whole site was nothing more than a massive scam to get men to sign up and part with cash.

There's absolutely no chance - zero - nada - that he could have met anyone via that site.

I realise that doesn't address the issue of why he felt the need to visit there, but it's possible he may just have seen it in the news and been curious.

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 11:04

Even if he didn't meet anyone on it, searching is bad enough I think. I'm going to try the email thing, but being relatively intelligent, chances are he would have used one I am not aware of.

OP posts:

TheCompanyOfCats · 08/09/2016 11:09

Is there a possibility that he just looked it up when it was all over the news? Sometimes I look things up simply because I want to look at what all the fuss is about.

Original poster

FritzDonovan · 08/09/2016 11:52

Yeah possibly, but if you'd done that wouldn't you admit to it if asked?
Feeling a bit sick, just signed up to see if I could search for him...too many people, unless I ask them all for photos I'd never be able to tell :-(

OP posts:

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