Ready to date but not yet waste opportunity by being exclusive

[SortingStuffStill]

Thought i'd post my own thread as a newbie and going mad here. Got 3 potential irons, met all at least once so vetted 😊 All attractive in v different ways. Mr Eligible seemed keen but cooling slightly and think he may be on rebound a little (;marriage ended over a year ago) , strong chemistry but not anywhere near my typical preferred body type. He is lovely though and very snappable up ifykwim. Reckon we might be each others transition people, not sure got the heart to see him around with someone else in future! We have friends in common and fairly small town.
Meanwhile MrTall is quite attractive, v bright and intriguing. V complicated family though. Mr Dangerous is a vibe thing - overpowering on spiritual and physical level but he can be a player, admitted as such. Taken a while to go thro profiles, message etc and selfishly seems a shame not to see how things go with other 2 also. But how?? Feel guilty and likely to be seen out if i do.

Horrendous split from h 5 months ago, marriage emotionally/sexually dead for years but still.

Any advice please?

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

But you're not looking for a list, you're looking for a connection. Throw away your list and trust how people make you feel.

Perfection is a myth but lust and love are not.

Anyway, I have descended into clichés, so I'll bow out.

[SortingStuffStill]

Yes agree, no list since my 20s! Lust on 2 counts, love can wait, too soon for anything like that yet. Though would be nice..

[Myusernameismyusername]

I don't multiple date and never have done but it's just my choice. I also tell people I only date one person at a time. I don't want to sleep with someone who could be sleeping with someone else either. I'm not into all the US multi dating thing because frankly it's stressful and quite empty. My life is pretty full of stuff any way and I don't like the idea of wasting my precious time on someone who probably isn't worth it in the name of 'fun' , it's just not really very fun, if you really think about it. But I don't judge you if you think it's fun.

I might be in a different place though because I only want a LTR or nothing at all. No middle ground. I don't mind dating people to see if they are LTR types, and if something is hard work or 'dangerous' it probably won't really be all that fun at all!

[LesisMiserable]

OP your post rings v.v.v. loudly of Bridget Jones vibes… good timing with the film imminent - you sure you're not a marketing whizz sent to subliminally get MN'rs in the mood for it??

Anyway, you don't sound like you're blown away by any of them. By all means date them all, sleep with them all if you like, I'd be surprised if any of them had any problem with that at all Don't mention exclusivity and if by any slim chance of them does - eliminate from your enquires and carry on.

[SortingStuffStill]

One of them has raised issue of exclusivity which he says he wants. Other 2 not so assume they are seeing other people. Would that i were some marketing person and god help me if i really do sound like Bridget Jones! Unhappy marriage and nasty separation clearly axed a few brain cells...

[LesisMiserable]

Been there - the unhappy marriage and nasty separation - I think a lot of us have on here haven't we ? The best advice I can offer you is just enjoy it and don't over think it. Ditch the one who's talking about exclusivity - he's either saying that because he thinks that's what women want to hear (which the majority do) or if he isn't that isn't what you want anyway. Easy this

[SortingStuffStill]

Thsnks, Les. It's a grueling process, isnt it? Cant stop overthinking, no idea why but consumed by it all, stupidly.

[LesisMiserable]

I think if (lets say when) you meet someone (not one of these three) who actually blew you away and the feeling is mutual, all this would become moot and not require any thinking at all. You might find each other tomorrow afternoon, next Christmas or three years from now - but these three clearly aren't contenders for that - so just enjoy the company of them or if it isn't nice for you or they get too serious, cut it off (nicely) . He's out there, when the timing is right there'll be no deliberation to be made.

[SortingStuffStill]

I've lost faith in that now, Les. Ludt, yet but certain true love? Been there fone rgat. Was starting to get feelings for one of these guys, seemed mutual but feel both backing off a little. Was too intense.

[OurMiracle1106]

Just a warning. I've been on off seeing someone for 3 years whilst looking for a long term relationship. He's a friend and we end up back at each other each Time a potential love interest doesn't work out. It's a 2 way thing.

However after 3 years of such interaction we are excessively close but now would never be able to move out of our friend with benefit relationship and into a mutually exclusive relationship.

It's a shame because he is amazing but at the time we first met neither of us was able to commit.

Also 5 months out of a marriage is not long. I'm almost 5 years out, 3 of which divorced and still not settled

I've done a lot of counselling and am only recently fully ready for a relatilonship. Be kind to yourself and learn to love your single life

[Myusernameismyusername]

Op you don't seem to actually be having fun and happy.
Is this what you want or what you think you should want?

[SortingStuffStill]

Thanks, Our, yes need to do that. Hooe it works out for you. And yes can imagine fwb scenario easily with the player guy as funnily enough i can be the most honest with him despite not trusting him with my feelings. I see him for what he is and accept that, if it makes sense (sounds bullshit, I know) there is a v strong connection.

[OurMiracle1106]

With a player you need to keep as much distance as possible and not invest time/feelings/money in the relationship

[Shakey15000]

I get where you're coming from. I came out of a three ish year EA (thankfully not married) having previously gone from one relationship straight to another. This time I vowed I would NOT be in an exclusive relationship and spend sometime as a singleton (how Brigit is that!) who dates.

Met bloke A who I really clicked with but stuck to my guns and was open with him that I planned to date others. Dallied with bloke B for a couple of months. Then bloke A said he couldn't handle an open relationship and ended it. I was fine for about 2 weeks then caved and we resumed but this time exclusive.

We married 8months later and celebrated 17years this year

[happyandsingle]

I find it hard to get one decent date on old let alone 3. I'm late 30s and it can get despairing.

[SortingStuffStill]

Congrats, Shakey! Really get where you're ccoming from. Ex a bit EA also.

[SortingStuffStill]

Happy only 2 were via OLD, agree, if's hard! Been whittling down from messages, taken a while.

[Cabrinha]

I have no moral objection to dating multiple men, as long as everyone knows the score.

But my personal experience is that if I like someone, they blow the others out of the water. I'll multi date in theory - but not in practice.

Interesting that you talk about not wasting opportunity. From your description, you're doing exactly that! You don't sound like any of them are what you want - so whilst you waste time on them, you're losing the opportunity to focus on other things in your life (including but not only other men)

Oh and FGS ditch anyone you want to describe as "dangerous". That's just idiocy!

[SortingStuffStill]

Well, admit they were flippant, reductive nicknames, somewhat in jest. Going through a whole roller coaster of emotions atm but not to the exclusion of friends and family!

[PsychedelicSheep]

I agree with ladyformation, until you've agree to exclusive it's an open field!

I wasn't sure from what you've said, but if you've not actually met fucked any of them yet though you won't have a real idea of who's the 'best' one for you. People can be one thing online and totally different in the flesh!

[SortingStuffStill]

Met them all, one several times, one twice but no not slept with any of them, couldn't handle not being exclusive at that stage.

[PsychedelicSheep]

I highly recommend you sleep with them before making a decision!

[SortingStuffStill]

Seriously?!

[PsychedelicSheep]

Well, yeah I would. Otherwise you might find you have no sexual chemistry. You can't always judge until you actually have sex. There's nothing wrong with it imo, men do it. A good sexual connection is super important in a relationship, I wouldn't be making any promises about exclusivity before I knew what they were like in bed.

Others may well disgree but it's how I feel

[SortingStuffStill]

Maybe. One guy have kissed alot and stuff and is tons of chemistry which is promising.