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Original poster

I want some good tips from Sexed Up Mners..

49 replies

Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:02

Here's the background. Two kids, lovely husband, half decent sex life. Here's the problem. I find that when it comes to sex my mind is willing but my body is weak, I can think about sex all day long and then when it comes to it I can't seem to get 'turned on' to the level that I can if my husband wasn't there (if you know what I mean!) I find using lubricant a bit embarrassing (depending on the alcohol consumption) but most of all I feel disappointed in myself that I can have all these great mental sexual feelings but nothing much is transferred down to the front line of action. I have got some toys and when we get them out we just end up laughing our heads off, it's like a scene from a Carry On film (don't visualise Sid James & Babs Windsor 'cause that just ain't us, well it ain't me anyway!!) So Ladies, tips please..am I the only one with this difficulty, I am not menopausal and I just want to have great sex please...I deserve it. I can't tell you how many years it's taken me to say that! I WANT GREAT SEX...

OP posts:
Bobalina · 02/02/2007 13:16

I know exactly what you mean Dalesgirl. To be honest, what works best for me is few glasses of red wine. Not so I'm drunk, just err, relaxed.

Hope someone else can be more helpful but just wanted to say (in the words of Michael Jackson), "you are not alone".

TeeCee · 02/02/2007 13:19

Have you tried one of these?

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:23

Thank goodness there is someone else out there, it's a knock to one's confidence..

OP posts:
Longlegs1972 · 02/02/2007 13:24

I have no idea, but I shall be watching this thread wth much interest as I have no sex life or sex urges at all.

I used to be a total minx

moondog · 02/02/2007 13:25

Lordy TeeCee.
Your enthusiasm is unbridled.

FioFio · 02/02/2007 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:26

Ooh err TeeCee..that looks interesting, that's a great site I've used it before.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 02/02/2007 13:30

Don't try this tingle

It burns yer bits off and makes everything numb and dead.

DealOrNoDeal · 02/02/2007 13:31

Name Change as i feel there may be tmi in this thread!

Tee Cee - i just tried to open that thread and its come up as porn from my IT dept! ha haha - ooopppss

Dalesgirl - i slightly have this problem, the idea is good but then just cant get into gear if you know what i mean.. however with recent posts on fanjo 'designs' i decided on a bit of effort...So i went home and got rid of fanjo hair, had a few glasses of wine, and had a fantastic night... This has helped me and its put me back on track!

Longlegs1972 · 02/02/2007 13:33

I don't think it helps that I hate my body now. How do you get over it???

monkeymonkeymoomoo · 02/02/2007 13:35

TheMoon - but I love 'Tingle', turns me on quicker than a night with Jonny Depp

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:39

FioFio, I do go to bed quite ,I am a night owl. In fact my DH asked me just last night why don't we have sex earlier on in the evening as he gets tired for work!! 11.30 to bed for me is normal. I also don't drink all that much, I worry about the hangover the next day. Toddlers and hangovers don't mix..

OP posts:
DealOrNoDeal · 02/02/2007 13:42

My figure isnt that great and i hate it, but i think "my DH loves me, he hasnt got a problem with my figure and he isnt perfect but i love him"

I also bought some underwear which covered up the bits i'm not too pruod of, it gave me loads of confidence and he loved it. Anne Summers has loads of stuff in all sizes and although it was hugely embarrassing trying it on in the shop, i'm so glad i bought it.. it was something like this

here

DealOrNoDeal · 02/02/2007 13:43

Apologies for my terrible spelling today!

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:46

I think I make an effort, I know what DH likes and I give it to him and that makes me feel sexy, there are times when my legs are awaiting a wax and the body is showing its two kids worth of battle scars but I can't help that and he never says anything...It's that connection between mind and body that I want to solve. Even with the toys you have to have a degree of lubrication present in order to get going I find.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 02/02/2007 13:54

Before you start anything with your DH/DP, can you spend a bit more time relaxing and thinking Those Thoughts ? And I agree, too much alcohol has a negative effect, one glass fine, more than that not so good.

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 13:57

Sometimes the thought is better than the reality, don't ask me to tell my husband what the thoughts are though as that kind of leaves me quite bare if you know what I mean..

Psychoanalysts get going I think I may have answered my own question..

OP posts:
Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 14:02

Reading back, Longlegs..I had years of prolific non orgasmic, man pleasing, fake sex and now only 21 years after I started having sex has it dawned on me that you get what you ask for and I never asked and I never got. Thank god my DH doesn't have a high sex drive or we would have separated years ago..Yes, when you first meet someone you are at it like knives but it tails of that's for sure when the stresses of daily living take their toll.

OP posts:
Mumpbump · 02/02/2007 14:07

Get your legs and bikini line waxed, have a facial or massage and then take a bath together with candles and a bottle of red wine...

harpsichordcarrier · 02/02/2007 14:13

what about ahem erotica? I don't mean sleazy stuff, but books/stories? there is stuff on the internet apparently or have you read My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday? or just go into a big old bookshop and have a browse...

harpsichordcarrier · 02/02/2007 14:14

some other things:
improve your diet
get more exercise
pay a bit of attention to your appearance (shave legs/paint nails whatever)
flirt more with dh and random strangers
get a decent vibrator

Original poster
Dalesgirl · 02/02/2007 14:30

These are all good suggestions, who feels sexy with hairy legs?..no one, but in most of those departments harpsichord I score quite well but all this effort doesn't seem to effect the nethers, if you get my drift..for me it's all mental and seems to stay there. Contrary to popular opinion, attractive fit young women don't all have earth shattering sex, this thread is going to get into therapy territory I can tell..

OP posts:
lazyanna · 02/02/2007 16:36

I feel like I'm repeating myself, but why do there seem to be so many people saying "I don't enjoy sex, but I want to". If you said the same about Parachuting, or Motorbikes, or Dutch Cheese surely the response would be "if you don't like it, why force yourself to like it"

LaDiDaDi · 02/02/2007 17:01

My message would be to stop feeling embarassed about using lube. If it helps things to get going then why not?

DeputyMacDawg · 02/02/2007 17:22

What about trying to recapture the days of dating.
Snogging/cuddling on the sofa, without automatically worrying about sex.
Sometimes taking it slowly is more exciting than trying to jump into bed immediately.
Re-trains your responses to each other

Won't do any harm, if it doesn't do any good