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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single mum...just met a guy after being single for a year

28 replies

hotsunnyweather · 07/09/2016 10:13

I was having a tea alone in town when a guy caught my look and came and asked if he could join me.
Out of my norm I said yes and we began chatting and met up again later that eve.
My child was with father for weekend and I feel I rushed into sleeping with this guy on first night. It had been over a year since I had slept with anyone or had dated. I feel upset at myself for doing this. He has called me a few times, is curious about me, tells me a fair bit about himself. I have seen him/slept with again. I worry he might have other motives.
I will not let my child be introduced to him and will definetly keep it seperate.
I am 43, he thought I was 38 and he is 45. He has never been married and doesn't have children.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 07/09/2016 10:17

What are you actually asking Op?

Well done by the way Smile

RestlessTraveller · 07/09/2016 11:10

Yeah, not sure what you are asking. Don't beat yourself up about sleeping with him, it's ok you know!

niceupthedance · 07/09/2016 11:58

What motives do you think he has?

hellsbellsmelons · 07/09/2016 12:11

It's OK to sleep with someone you fancy you know!?
You can enjoy yourself just for the hell of it!
You don't have to be in a big romance or deeply in love.
Sex when you fancy it is absolutely OK!
Enjoy it while it lasts (if you are enjoying it)
If you like him then take the rest of it slow and see how it goes.

jeaux90 · 07/09/2016 12:29

I know what your concern is, been in the same situation and yes he was. Google him, look on linked in etc just make sure he is who he says he is and be inquisitive about his status. By the way, it's fine to let your hair down and have fun. Being a single parent (me too) is a tough job so don't feel guilty. X

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 18:52

Last weekend I spent the full weekend with this guy. He was really sweet and attentive.

Sex was good too.

On last day I went to whole foods with him to buy some groceries for myself. Without asking me he put a peanut butter and chocolate bar into my basket and said I could treat him.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 18:56

I felt really upset as I had just spent £40 on a simple lunch for us both. I let him know that that was not cool and I am an idiot that I paid for these items. My Whole food shop was £29 and £10 was his two items.

A few days later he came over to mine and before coming he said if we were to go out that I should treat him. I said no as I would cook in house anyway and I pulled him up about what he did in Whole foods a few days before.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 16/09/2016 19:00

Without asking me he put a peanut butter and chocolate bar into my basket and said I could treat him.

Sleeping with him is not a problem but this could be!

Did he buy you dinner or pay for anything prior to this?

Cheeky fucker!

ALaughAMinute · 16/09/2016 19:03

Sorry, our posts crossed.

Can't believe you paid for the lunch as well! Shock

He's taking the piss! Dump!

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:07

I just feel a bit concerned as he knows I own my house and that I have a reasonable income for me and my son. I budget and manage my money carefully. I see it as my son's money not mine so this makes me more careful with with.

He has no kids that I know of. He told me on second date that he had 8 properties in Brixton and will buying a ninth one. He says he spends £1000 on organic food and supplements for himself, likes going on holidays and enjoying himself yet he can't buy himself £10 of organic food and it is okay for me a single mother to foot his bill.

He also at my house ate almost all of my organic peanut butter and nearly all my rice cakes.

Half hour before this we were in a pub where I paid £36 for bill incl my son's food and this guy said I will give you £20 towards it and then gave me £15.

Someone told me he is trying to see how keen you are but I feel like slamming a door in his face....meaning just to walk away from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:12

He paid for food and cinema and one drink on first Fri night out when I was staying with him in Brixton and that same eve I bought a drink each as he kind of nudged me to.

He paid for supper on Sat but then spoilt it by saying when was I going to treat him

I then spent £40 on organic lunch that he wanted...it tasted like mud.

Then he assumed that I should buy his peanut butter and chocolate bar.

I feel really upset.

What should I do?

OP posts:
georgethecat · 16/09/2016 19:16

Dump. Simples.

Going Dutch is ok, eating his way through your budget is not

NotTheFordType · 16/09/2016 19:20

He told me on second date that he had 8 properties in Brixton and will buying a ninth one. He says he spends £1000 on organic food and supplements for himself, likes going on holidays and enjoying himself

Yeah right. He probably works on the tills at B&Q.

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:24

I am confused just in case he is doing this to test me in some screwed up way of his on how much I like him.

I am not acting desperate or needy with him at all but we both have a very strong sexual attraction to each other.

I am also worried as I do not want to let his bad behaviour drag on. I called him a few hours ago. He did not pick up and I left a message saying something on the lines about him being hot.

I am a bloody idiot. I want to ask him face to face what his game is and then probably best that we go separate ways as he is taking the xxxx.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 16/09/2016 19:24

He could be a conman OP!

Seriously! You can do better than this.

SloanePeterson · 16/09/2016 19:27

Is this for real? Why on earth have you let your son meet him already? This has cock lodger written all over it

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:28

How should I approach this?

I come from a stupidly strict background and when it comes to relationships I have never been able to ask siblings or parents for any level of advice.

I am worried as I have a young child and can not afford a man taking us for a ride of any type.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 16/09/2016 19:31

You're not seriously thinking of seeing him again are you?

Are you joking?

I've a feeling you might be.

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:33

Please help me ladies.

Do I tell him how he is making me feel on the phone or do I just ignore future calls.

He may turn up unannounced at my front door and I do not want to discuss anything with him in my house or near my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:37

He just sent me a message that says "I know ;)"

I replied "I think you need to know something" but I haven't had any type of reply yet.

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 16/09/2016 19:41

You say He won't meet your son. Then you say He has met your son (I assume as you state you paid for your son's meal when you went out)

Yika · 16/09/2016 19:48

Just dump him. Don't go into how you feel about this situation but don't just blank him either. Give him a straightforward, friendly message like: 'It's been fun meeting you but I don't think I want to take this any further. Wishing you all the best!' or some such thing. Then no need to answer calls or texts afterwards; you've been clear. Don't make it a big deal. But don't see him again, I don't think you're onto a winner here.

Original poster
hotsunnyweather · 16/09/2016 19:53

I think you are right.

I don't understand as he wanted me to meet his mum in Tuscany in a few weeks time and I was going to tell him that I could not afford ticket as I can't.

Why would this conman want me to meet his mum.

I feel upset as I meet so many shit men. They either just fancy me or want money/things from me. I am not a flashy person but I dress nicely and have a nice home but I can't change that in order to find a decent honest person. God I am just losing faith in men here.

OP posts:
Yayme · 16/09/2016 19:58

It all sounds very weird.

PushingThru · 16/09/2016 20:07

I think you're getting your yourself into a wee bit of a state here. Calmly assess this: he sounds like a bit of a user & you don't like it. Send him a text saying this isn't working for you & then Block him.