He wont stop using porn.

[onetiredmum]

Hi. This is my first post and I am absolutely desperate for some help. My OH and i have been married for 15 years. On and off ive know hes used porn but weve discussed it and hes always stopped.
The last 3 years weve had sex about 10 times max. I knew deep down something was up. Anyway back in March I checked his history to find LOTS of porn. However, everynight when I go to sleep he stays up to use it. He even used it on our wedding anniversary and left me in bed alone.

After he couldnt get an erection when I tried to turn him on I broached the subject. Only to be told he is no longer attracted to me, cant get an erection with me and wants to want me as he 'knows im gorgeous' but he just doesnt.

We split up and Hence I was heartbroken. He moved into the spare room and reputedly apologised after seeing the hurt. He has moved heaven and earth to sort things out for us to try and recover from the past 3 years. Weve been having counselling, which is OK and about 4 weeks ago he moved back into our bed. and everything seemed to be going well.

However he is now away for a week. I have looked at his history ( yeah I know I shouldnt but its killing me) and every morning and night hes using porn again!!! And lots of it. He clearly doesnt realise I can still see everything! Im heartbroken.
A girl at work says im being unreasonable, as hes away and he should be allowed but I cant help but feel betrayed, especially after what we have been through the past few month's and trying desperately to salvage our marriage he is now like a kid in a sweet shop and its killing me.
Ive said time and time again its the end. And last time I genuinely thought it was.
But he has been sooo lovely and I forgave him.
Please can somebody tell me.if I am overreacting? Has he crossed the line now? I feel like hes launched himself across it!

Please help

For me it wouldn't be the porn so much as he has told you he is not attracted to you. Bet his mates don't know that bit.

You've been flogging this dead horse for over 3 years? How much longer are you going to keep on at it before you concede the relationship is over?

Regardless of whether you decide to kick him to the curb or not, he needs counselling. Porn is insidious and the whole "uh, all men watch porn" thing is a rubbish cop out.

It sounds like he is addicted.

The fact he's asked you to start making movies to "help" him is disgusting. If you say yes he will no doubt ask you to "perform" like a porn star, so seriously think about if that's what you want to do. Porn always escalates. How far it escalates, and how quickly depends on the type of personality.

The reason why porn for me is different to other addictive substances is this:

Porn users gets off on other women being degraded. It sounds to me with his request for you to "make movies" that if he can't watch other women being degraded then then he's happy to degrade you. That is not on. If you're not sure about whether porn is about degrading women all you need to do is read the descriptions to various porn videos.

I have a husband who categorically does not watch porn, so this whole "all men watch porn" stuff is excusative bollocks.

Tell him to get counselling to help himself, and you do what you need to do. I would have kicked the bastard out at the slightest sniff of porn.

This isnt a little porn op this is alot of porn and frankly an addiction its not the norm
And hes not making effort for you because hes lazy and would rather have a quick wank basically he sounds a dick because you have told him its not ok and he still does it im sorry op but u can do alot better than this get rid

Also he comes off rather sleazy so why would u wanna stay with a sleaze?😷Ur worth more

Wow, that is a full on addiction op. I'm generally ok with porn but even I couldn't cope with that.

What do you think you'll do? He could do with rehab but not sure how you would do that.

I have no problem if a boyfriend watches porn, and ive watched it myself (although agree with the comments about poor ethical standards in some cases).

this for me is about the lies. I just cant stand being lied to. I gave my ex too many chances when I caught him lying about taking drugs. wasted too much time giving him chance after chance.

I hope you find happiness OP xxx

Do NOT make a film with this porn addicted man. Run away, as fast as you can!

My partner watches porn occasionally, it doesn't bother me. However I could not live with what you have described. It's the lying that would be the deal breaker for me. My relationship is pretty sexless since the birth of our child so the lack of intimacy wouldn't bother me, nor would the occasional use of porn. He is neglecting you for porn, lied about it, and is now trying to guilt you into making porn. Terrible situation for you

If you make videos with this man, he WILL upload them to websites. Men can get access to more free porn if they go to forums where they have to provide "original content," usually without the permission of their victim, in order to get in. So if you say yes to his little "request," expect that any random man in the street afterward may have seen you shag him.

Get out. The fact that making videos was his first proposal that he doesn't realize it's the masturbation and screentime doing it, rather than just the fact that it's other women, or that he's already scheming to put your videos up online, depending on how bad he really is is a SCREAMING red flag. Leave.

Wtf I didn't see the video bit.
Please don't trust him op. I know he's your husband and it's your instinct to but he sounds horrible.
He's hurt you massively yet he's managed to turn it around to make himself look like the victim.

Don't listen to to anyone that tells you porn is not dangerous. My advice is to go to your GP, and get him referred to rehab. That's really all I can say, he already can't get an erection for normal sex. Your other therapy didn't work. You've been with him 15 years, enough is enough. You need your husband either back after treatment or gone, because he's choosing this behavior over you at the moment because he's an addict.

Make your own movies?

Is he for real?

He's way too obsessed with porn. I wonder if he's shared this with his mates who think you're overeacting.

Unless you're into this movie making, you really need to detach from him and end the relationship.

He's only going to use the home made movies to jerk off to and you'll be in the exact same situation.