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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do you ever just cut anyone off?

34 replies

Libbyella · 03/09/2016 21:41

An ex friend, who is also a fellow school mum, has said and done some awful things about me behind my back and just generally caused me a lot of hassle and upset over the past few years.

I've limped on, being polite and saying hello when I see her, but lately I've been thinking why the fuck should I even bother with that anymore when she's been so awful? I'd feel a lot better in myself if I took control and just ignored her. I don't much care if it causes an awkwardness or bad atmosphere as I think that she doesn't deserve my effort in even saying hello to her.

Have you ever just cut anyone off and blanked them?

OP posts:

user1469553305 · 03/09/2016 21:57

Yup. As soon as my DS left Primary school I blocked loads of moms on facebook and do not even say good morning. DD is still at that school but not friends with their kids so I am not in the slightest bit bothered. Best thing I have ever done.

Blueshoessingloose · 03/09/2016 22:09

Yes. If someone has a negative impact on me I cut them out. No need to be polite to people who are horrible to you.

springydaffs · 03/09/2016 22:12

Yes. Do it.

I'm surprisingly good at making out someone plain doesn't exist.

Greenandmighty · 03/09/2016 23:06

Oh yes. Definitely. Take back your power OP! Ignore. Blank. You don't need such poisonous people in your life. Some real friendships will come along and let them be part of your life.

heavenlypink · 03/09/2016 23:11

Yes I've done it - two neighbours who criticised my parenting when DS was three. He's 20 next year!!!

calzone · 03/09/2016 23:12

It's cathartic!!!!

Just do it!

TheLegendOfBeans · 03/09/2016 23:15

Once. Gave the crazy bitch both barrels (she made a big scene at my wedding, general nightmare behaviour) and then blocked her off FB, Twitter, What's App, everything.

Never looked back.

Middleoftheroad · 03/09/2016 23:16

Yes. Very similar to yr situation OP. A complete loon at the school (DS friend's mom whom I had been friendly with and sympathetic to her MH issues) went batshit for no reason, claiming all sorts of paranoid stuff about vatious mothers but singling out me out after having been schhol gate friends, and behaving oddly then acted as though nothing had happened.
I was about to write it off and remembered how crazy she'd gone, things she'd yelled in front of lots of people, and just thought I don't want to be friendly if she turns again, when I had previously been understanding. I just blanked her and have done for years. It can be awkward as kids are friends and she makes me feel uncomfortable, but best thing I did as I can't bear drama.

EttaJ · 03/09/2016 23:17

Yes definitely! As has been said, if someone brings negativity to my life they're gone. I've not missed anyone .

gamerchick · 03/09/2016 23:20

Yep it's easier than you would think. It hasn't left a hole yet.

PikachuSayBoo · 03/09/2016 23:21

Yep. My mother. I don't need negative people in my life.

AddToBasket · 03/09/2016 23:24

Yes, but I wouldn't blank someone - too much of a stand to make. I've withdrawn from the friendship. Just gradually not replied to invitations or extended them. Not sought them out where I would have done before etc.

I think blanking people is aggressive. I don't want drama - when I've done this I just want them out of my life. So no discussion or explanation. If I've decided then it's just a case of quietly avoiding them.

pallasathena · 04/09/2016 06:09

Yes. Several times. Anyone who treats me badly I just withdraw from. No scenes, no dramas, just whiteout.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/09/2016 07:18

I've only done the 'withdrawing' thing once, and the interesting thing is how little effort the person concerned made, to keep in contact. Twenty years friendship ended, because I stopped keeping in touch. That'll be why I decided to stop keeping in touch, then...

CapricornCalling · 04/09/2016 08:31

Yes. I've withdrawn from many friendships, by not replying to messages etc and have completely blanked some other people for reasons I felt were valid at the time.

I think it's a difficult thing to do, but looking back I don't regret it.

I don't think blanking is aggressive, I think an aggressive act is an ACTIVE act - like when you insult someone in a personal way etc etc. I think blanking is just putting a 'boundary' in place. That said, it IS difficult to do, I appreciate.

As I said above I don't regret blanking people etc, as at the time, I felt it was absolutely the right thing to do.....

chocoLit · 04/09/2016 08:34

Do it. I've never felt pain before or after since my 'family' did something to hurt me. I blocked them all. I friended them and took the time to get over it in the way being constantly reminded of them on social media wouldn't allow.

Groovee · 04/09/2016 11:38

Getting rid of someone is better for you. I had a friend who would befriend people and then cut them off and there is a queue of people whom she has turned her back on and have no idea what they did!

alfagirl73 · 04/09/2016 14:10

Yes! Someone like that is not a friend. Life is short. Put your energy and time into people who are deserving of it; people who bring positivity into your life, people you can trust, people who are genuine.

If someone starts pouring negativity on my life like that, they're gone. It's extremely freeing and you will feel so much better. If someone crosses me like that, they have proven to me that they are not to be trusted and I actually get quite angry that I've wasted part of my life on them. Consequently, I just cut them off and waste no more time on them. I block and delete them on my phone, block emails, delete all history of them, unfriend if they're on FB - I literally disappear from their lives and have no further contact. It's that simple and trust me, it's extremely therapeutic and actually quite empowering.

IreallyKNOWiamright · 04/09/2016 14:14

Yes I have. She was really upset despite knowing the reason behind it and told everyone she knew her side of the story. She got her friends to wind me up and confront me and she made me feel intimidated when I walked past them. When she was on her own however she would quickly trot off to avoid an honest conversation about what happened. People will eventually realise her true character as I did. Sometimes you have to cut people off when you are being used or drained by a friendship. Even if they pass you everyday on the school run.

Original poster

LibbyElla · 04/09/2016 21:57

The final straw for me has been that I've found out that she has spent the past school year trying to turn other parents against my DD and engineering DD out of her friendship group.

School run in the morning. I shall be walking straight past her as if I didn't even see her.

OP posts:

LineyReborn · 04/09/2016 23:48

Yes. Quite a few times. It's very satisfying.

But they've known exactly why. No guessing games.

lolaflores · 04/09/2016 23:59

Two people who were friends for many, many years. Holidays, weddings etc. However, when I told them I have arthritis, the first one made a tasteless joke and the other went silent.
Another friend spends time with someone who i know to be a racist, narcissitic twat yet they are best of friends which makes me wonder if I know her at all if she can be in his company. You lie down with dogs?

As other people have done, I have withdrawn. No contact. No nothing.
I felt as though all that time, energy and love had been pissed into the wind to say the least.
I don't care about the possible reasons for their reactions. If a friend needs a little support, not a smart arse response or simply nothing, then they are not a friend. No more chances, sick of forgiving or overlooking things, and am perfectly happy to move along and not hang onto people because of shared memories and not much else. The space they have left in my life is quite small.

Not going to waste time on people at school either. Did that with my first DD, its soul destroying and if you did not have kids in common, you would not attempt to forge a friendship. All I picked up at the school gates were emotional leeches.
That said, I would not describe myself as a social butterfly but have felt very disappointed of late in some people. Very. My decision wasn't overnight but the reality of it was staring me in the face.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 05/09/2016 00:15

Yes. I didn't want any drama so I just withdrew from a friendship. She called a few times. I said everything was fine when asked and just didn't ever get in touch. I moved away which made it easier.
She used to be quite high maintenance but always professing how great she thought I was but I just realised she wasn't much of a friend after I'd been through a tough time and she didn't even really notice. It wasn't enough to argue about and I had completely checked out of the friendship so I just let it go. I imagine she has no idea why

OrsonWellsHat · 05/09/2016 00:19

Yes I've done it and so should you, let people know that you're not to be messed with

Myrobalanna · 05/09/2016 15:45

Yes - I've done it and had it done to me. I wasn't sure why but that doesn't really matter, it was an impossible friendship anyway. She used to tell me of how she'd done it to others, so I knew it would be my turn eventually and didn't put much into the friendship after I realised that.

I did it once when a friend died suddenly and his ex girlfriend behaved disgracefully towards his current girlfriend and parents. I just couldn't speak to her so I didn't. That was 20 years ago and I'd still like to give her a piece of my mind about what she said to them all.

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