I need advise. I am male and felt i need advise from the other perspective. Been married 16 years. I found an old mobile 4 weeks ago and asked wife what it was. She said one of our old ones. Alarm bells rang asto the location i found it. It was in our kids wardrobe under their clothes. It was pin blocked. I hid it and went straight down to mobile shop to get it sorted. Guy said it would take time. Went up north with wife and 4 kids all boys for break. She stayed as it was her mums and i came back after week for job purposes. Week later remembered mobile and went and got it. She had deleted alot but there was a memory card still in. First i saw numbers and recognised my male cousins number. Then the pictures all filthy all with her but then it got more filthy they both were having sex. Then the videos. I am talking porn style videos. In my bed in my house on my sofa and there was even a video of her giving him oral sex in my bathroom where the time suggested i was sleeping in the bedroom at the time.
I confronted her she told me all. It started 2 and a half years ago lasted 1 year 8 months. She even had sex whilst she knew she pregnant with my fourth child (we just had paternity. He is mine). She says it ended last year. Says mobile was there as she deleted all and had threw sim. She was going to throw the phone but did not want me to find so hid it until bin day. The records on mobile do show that she not lying about timeline.
I did suspect something two years ago and then she made out i was mad called the police said i was threatening her called my parents and made them take me as i was evil for saying those things. She could have ended it with him then because it was him i suspected her with.
She is remorseful. She says she wants me. She says she loves me. Reasons for the actions she says cos she had a miscarraige (we lost at 5 months few years ago) and did not take it well. She says i stopped caring and loving her and she wanted attention and he gave it to her. She says they talked he listened and that sex was just something they did after. She says he meant nothing and he knew it and he was jealous of me cos he knew she loved me.
I am in a big dilemma. I love her and always will. The kids are my priority and the older one whose 15 wants me to stayfor his sake cos he says he wont live with her.
A big part of me wants to forgive and forget but it is alot of deceit. I am finding it too hard. Please advise me. Children are 15,8, 5, 5 months.
Am i not seeing straight? please help
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Relationships
My wife cheated on me
CheatedDad · 03/09/2016 11:05
I'm sorry for what you are going through and I understand your reaction but she is playing the victim. She had an affair for 18 months, she took videos and picture and hid the phone so she could look at them! She could of just chucked them in a car park bin or out side the bins at the shops, she hide it in your child's clothes. Ffs
Also you said he went to him for comfort after your miscarriage yet after she got pregnant again she still slept with him? That makes it seem like she wanted to continue it. Obviously it was truamtic but I think she is just using it as an excuse. I know you still love her but that kind of betrayal will hang over you if you stay and in all likeliness it would just mean you break up after more agonising time together. Do not stay together just for the sake of the children it is never a good idea
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