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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Who is in a happy relationship?

95 replies

RedSquirrel24 · 28/08/2016 18:26

I'm just curious, don't mean to cause offence either, but I'm single again, and feel that the majority of people I know in RL have very little nice things to say about their OH, so I just wanted to know who does have a happy relationship? how long you have been together? and what do you think makes your relationship work?.... Before I completely give up on the idea that I hope to meet someone, as right now I'm wondering if it is worth it or if I'm just going to keep banging my head against a brick wall trying to work out how the hell we are supposed to communicate and enjoy a relationship with the opposite sex!!!!

OP posts:

Creatureofthenight · 29/08/2016 00:19

Me! Together 9 years. I think one of the main reasons why our relationship works is communication. If something is bothering me or him we just say so. We are equal partners in our marriage. We enjoy each other's company and have a lot in common, but also have our own interests.

IamHappy1976 · 29/08/2016 00:28

I'm happy! My partner in crime wakes me up every morning with a hug and then demands breakfast. A partner who will pour cereal and make a cuppa is worth diamonds here:-)

Somerville · 29/08/2016 02:38

I won't tempt fate by talking about my new relationship - 6 months is too soon to know for sure.

But 18 years with my (late) husband, 15 of them married. We were bloody young when we got together and I particularly was immature and thought I knew everything . So luck was definitely involved to some degree. Mostly luck that he was as kind and patient as he appeared.

But we chose to move closer together (figuratively though sometimes literally) any times we sensed any distance between us, and had a bloody amazing marriage.

I find the 'all men are shit husbands eventually' narrative a bit upsetting, actually. There are loads of great husbands around, in RL of not on MN, and threads like this make me think about my amazing one all over again, so thank you, OP, and I hope you don't give up on looking.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge · 29/08/2016 02:43

I have been with DH for 14 years and we've always been happy together. For us, we genuinely enjoy each other's company and care about the other's happiness and wellbeing, and we rub along together nicely. We're similar in lots of ways, share interests, like lots of the same music etc so I guess that helps.

Basically this. Together 15 years, married for 12 1/2. Very happy.

m33r · 29/08/2016 03:08

Not read the rest of the thread as I'm hoping my baby is finally nodding off but my DH is brilliant. I love being married. I think it's mutual respect and all that comes with that. That and I want to him to be happy as I think he does me. No magic remedy I don't suppose but there are some absolutely superb men out there. Keep at it.

We've been together 8 years.

altik · 29/08/2016 03:18

I'm very happy with my DH. He tells me he is too .

Been together 20 years and married for 15. We have absolutely no shared interests, and are quite different people in many ways, but we share the same values, and I've always git his back and know he's always got mine.

Oblomov16 · 29/08/2016 03:51

No one ever writes about everyday normal relationships.
Been married 13 years. As soon as I met him I knew he was a really nice man. We've had tough times because of outside things affecting us, but a lot of good stuff too.
We have similar values. I have a very strong inner moral compass. He treats people the way he wishes to be treated. We rub along together nicely.
Sometimes I wish I lived on my own. No kids, no one else. Then I remember that I would actually REALLY miss him. He makes me laugh and gives me a cuddle when i really need him. I would turn to him, about anything, or over anyone else. I really do love him and I feel loved. Is that the definition of happy relationship? I'm not sure. But ours is ok, I think.

Pawprintz · 29/08/2016 03:56

Nope.

Been married 16 years.

Marriage dull and I'm fed up. It's not his fault, it's mine.

Everyday is like Groundhog Day. Sometimes, I genuinely believe that I am in a nightmare.

He's a lovely man and I don't deserve him, but it's not enough.

I worry about the future because we have a child and, no matter what people say, sometimes one has to stay in a relationship for the sake of the child.

It's so sad.

Kiwiinkits · 29/08/2016 03:57

Happy as a clam. Three kids. Married 6.5 years, together 11 years. He is a very hardworking man, very loyal, a strong personality (but so am I). Most arguments between spouses are about housework and money, aren't they? We don't have those arguments. We don't argue about housework because we outsource most of it to others (and I accept some of his messy habits for the sake of harmony). We earn well so we don't need to worry about money (and we are both financially savvy so enjoy talking about money and our investments etc).
I made sure I really knew him before marrying him. We had a lot of time together and we talked deeply about values, marriage, money, family etc. It certainly wasn't a rushed decision to marry him.

pinkdonkey · 29/08/2016 07:49

I'm happy, together 8 years married for 1. DH is sweet, loving, kind, generous and makes me laugh and we communicate well.

We've been through tough times financially and health wise, we've been to hell and back more than once, but we've done it together. I feel that if our relationship can survive the things it has then theres no breaking us.

That doesn't mean I don't feel like slapping him sometimes though!

HearCerseiRoar · 29/08/2016 08:00

Married to DH for just over a year, been together since 2009. We met online, there is a significant age gap and we were long distance for quite a while, but it all worked out eventually. We had our first baby together this year and couldn't be happier.

I think for us, we are just so similar in so many ways, but also our differences are quite complimentary. He's a calming and gentle influence on the former wild child that is me. We're an equal partnership and we respect each other. We still fancy each other like mad too

LadyFarnborough · 29/08/2016 08:07

I'm hugely happy. Together 4 years, baby on the way and wedding next year. I was married before and he had children with a long term partner. Both volatile relationships where screaming rows were the norm. As a consequence of that, we hardly row. We have niggles and the occasional huffy word, who doesn't, but neither of us want to go back to a relationship where yelling, screaming and throwing things was a common occurrence.
He lived alone with his kids before I met him so is used to doing house work. In fact he pretty much does it all as he's at home more than I am. And I don't meet his high cleaning standards
We were mid 30s when we met. Part of me is sad that we've not had longer together and have missed on on so much but I know it wouldn't have lasted if we'd met when we were younger - we were both hot headed and stupid so I think we had to go through what we have before meeting to be able to last the distance.

Chinuptitsout · 29/08/2016 08:32

Me! Been together almost a year, planning on moving in together in the next couple of months. We're on the same page when it comes to money, kids and our values in life.
He puts up with the horrible panics that previous relationships have left me with and can spot from a single text when they've struck.
He makes me feel beautiful even when I'm a crying, snotty mess.
He's absolutely gorgeous and he makes me laugh like a loon

PurpleWithRed · 29/08/2016 08:39

Me. Met in our late 40s; both previously married for 15+ years and both unhappy in those marriages for 10 years plus. You've probably got plenty of time to find a good relationship - don't make the mistake of thinking a rubbish relationship is the best you can do/all you deserve/better than no relationship at all.

KMotion · 29/08/2016 09:21

Me, Ive been married for forever. It's not perfect but we both love each other, respect each other and fancy each other.
We don't resent each other and we help each other out.
We very occasionally bicker a bit and he does a few annoying things such as watches too much sport or comments on my driving which is much better than his but nothing important.

TeaPleaseLouise · 29/08/2016 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnGoogleable · 29/08/2016 11:23

I'm very happy.

Like you OP I used to wonder whether anyone was really happy in their relationships, because all the couples I knew didn't seem that happy. I myself had kissed A LOT of frogs, and was in a long term relationship with someone who I got along with most of the time, argued with frequently, but just sort of accepted that was how most people's relationships were. We had similar hobbies, spent lots of time together, but didn't have a laugh together. We hated going on holiday together because we argued lots. I assumed it was because I'm difficult and he was moody. Sex was crap, and consequently I had no sex drive - and assumed that was my fault. I thought it was just how it was. I thought we'd get married and just make do.

He left me - and did me the biggest favour of my life. I met my now DP and it was a revelation. I am still moody but he doesn't react - what starts as an argument ends up with us just laughing at each other. I respect him, and he respects me. We have little in common on paper, but in reality we just love being together. He enjoys learning about my hobbies, and I enjoy his. He's great in bed, and never judges or criticizes me. I've recently been through some difficult times, and he has been wonderful. We love our holidays and never argue on them, because we just relish the time off together. 6 years in, and I couldn't be happier.

Thefitfatty · 29/08/2016 11:34

DH and I have been together 10 years in October (married 6). Of course it isn't 100% perfect all the time, I don't think any relationship is. We've both stood by each other through some major mental health issue, him sorting out his OCD, me my ADHD and depression. It was hard during those times, I won't lie. I'm sure I could tell stories on here that people would say LTB, or tell him to leave me.

But we've come out the other end of it and I love him even more than before (and him me). He's as handsome and kind and funny as the day I met him and he makes me feel gorgeous. He's a 50/50 partner definitely and helps with cooking, cleaning and is a whizz with home repair! He's an amazing Dad and the kids adore him.

Even my parents, who had their doubts when his OCD was at its worst, comment on how much we've come through, how happy we are now and that we are a great team. They think he's great.

In summary, I guess a happy relationship isn't always happy, but the happy times should outweigh the tough ones.

TorchesTorches · 29/08/2016 12:45

I have a very happy marriage. Together 9 years, married for 7. I had also given up on men after years of being single interspersed with unsatisfactory relationships. Then i meet someone that i just fitted with.

Laniakea · 29/08/2016 17:31

Oblomov that sounds a lot like I feel.

I'm a real introvert - dh is an extrovert as are our four children. Sometimes I just long for peace, I'm desperate for quietness & space. We are very different in personality, we do things differently, we deal with stress differently. We are not one of those couples who never disagree or argue.

But we want the same things and he's one of the few people I enjoy being around for any extended period of time. Sometimes life stuff gets in the way but we really love each other & god I'd miss him if he wasn't around.

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