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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Who is in a happy relationship?

95 replies

RedSquirrel24 · 28/08/2016 18:26

I'm just curious, don't mean to cause offence either, but I'm single again, and feel that the majority of people I know in RL have very little nice things to say about their OH, so I just wanted to know who does have a happy relationship? how long you have been together? and what do you think makes your relationship work?.... Before I completely give up on the idea that I hope to meet someone, as right now I'm wondering if it is worth it or if I'm just going to keep banging my head against a brick wall trying to work out how the hell we are supposed to communicate and enjoy a relationship with the opposite sex!!!!

OP posts:

suit2845321oie · 28/08/2016 20:30

Together 19 years, married 15 and we just get on really well, we are total equals and have the same outlook on things. It just works and I don't know why, it just does.

FoofFighter · 28/08/2016 20:31

I am in a happy relationship for pretty much the first time since school.

Twenty odd years of awful relationships, last one being a controlling narcisisstic manipulating gaslighting abuser.

It's the first man I have been previously friends with, which I think has made all the difference.

offside · 28/08/2016 20:39

We're in a very contented relationship. Been together nearly 5 years, will be engaged 3 years Christmas and have a gorgeous 2 year old and get married next year.

We're just big kids together. Never laughed so much in a relationship, we both work very hard and split the house chores pretty evenly, although I'd say he does more.

Having said that, my closest friends do nothing but moan and complain about their DH/DPs and I do wonder if they will have the happily ever after. However, I would say that as humans we are all programmed to just talk about the bad, no one is interested in what's right and good and I think when people talk about what's going well for them it's almost seen as bragging and not taken kindly.

I often want to shout from the rooftops about all the great things my DP does for me, but it's boring for everyone else and I don't want to appear to be bragging. I have only one friend who acknowledges what a "good egg" her DH is and she too is the only one I tell about all the great things about my DP.

PhoneboothCF · 28/08/2016 20:42

Me me me. Don't want to brag but very happy to be his missus ;)

lovemakespeace · 28/08/2016 20:47

I am too :) married 6 years and we have 3 children 4, 2 and baby. Neither working (by choice) at the moment so we spend nearly all our time together. I adore him, he is a really kind, gentle man. He is a fantastic father. We have a large age gap (almost 13 years) and he was so ready to be a dad, much more so than I was to be a mum!

But the thing that makes it really really work is we are both Christians so we have a shared faith, purpose and morality that comes from outside ourselves. That means we are pulling in the same direction always.

I love you Mr lovemakespeace :)

SpookyPotato · 28/08/2016 20:48

Like others have said, I have never moaned about DP to anyone else as there is nothing to moan about so I would feel guilty!

Bambamrubblesmum · 28/08/2016 21:04

We are happy. Been together over 11 years. One child, another one on the way very soon.

We laugh together, dream together but we also argue quite fiercely too. We're both strong personalities so both have an opinion. We've also seen a lot of the world and have a lot of collective experience from our service days, so really get where each other is coming from.

We've been through rough patches but I can't imagine life without him.

If it wasn't for my DH I really wouldn't be who I am now (children, house, work, post graduate qualified) he pushes me when I need it and is my cheering squad when I succeed.

Plus we still really fancy each other

I've just read this to him and he's gone all soppy (and is making me tea )

AnyFucker · 28/08/2016 21:04

Yep, have never moaned about my husband to outsiders and am pretty sure he has not either

No secrecy involved. We just sort it out between ourselves.

elQuintoConyo · 28/08/2016 21:40

18 years, 4 countries, 1 dc. As happy as day one. We aren't perfect but we 'get' each other.

And laugh at the same shit

elQuintoConyo · 28/08/2016 21:41

Oh and no, i never ever slag DH off to friends, or blow hot air up his ass so to speak!

CatherineDeB · 28/08/2016 21:49

I would have said I was very happy for a very very long time.

However, DH's reaction to something that occurred earlier in the year made me lose a massive amount of respect for him (not adulterous or anything of that nature).

I am not sure whether it can be recovered - I have set myself a mental time limit on loss of respect recovery, if I can't move on I will instigate a divorce - never thought I would say that but I have far too much self respect for the alternative.

Odd turn of events indeed.

queenofthemountains · 28/08/2016 21:57

We are, together 25 years, we love each other very much. We still make each other laugh everyday, I'd say we got very lucky the day we met.

BasinHaircut · 28/08/2016 22:09

Oh god I moan about DH sometimes to friends! Never about anything serious though, and I do sometimes marvel about the nature of the complaints that others have about their DP/DH's, knowing I Could never continue a relationship in the same circumstances.

My complaints are mainly that he seems incapable of putting his socks in the wash basket and that sort of thing. Not that he drinks too much, has been secretly racking up debts or isn't sure if he wants children etc.

PuellaEstCornelia · 28/08/2016 22:10

Been together there 28 years married 25; he's as bit of an arse sometimes, but so am I; still drives me mad half the time makes me laugh half the time; can't imagine life without him.

DramaAlpaca · 28/08/2016 22:17

We are happy, been together 28 years and married for 26. He's my best friend, the one person who just 'gets' me. We make a very good team.

HormonalHeap · 28/08/2016 23:09

Happy here- been together 10, married 5. Know it sounds cheesy but he knows what it takes to be married. Always trying to make me happy, which makes me want to make him happy. Loved by everyone, a genuinely good person, generous to extreme.

2nd marriage- had I married him young I would never have appreciated him.

HedgehogHedgehog · 28/08/2016 23:15

I am! We love one another. Im not always happy though just because im a moody person haha! Even if i was living in complete paradise i think id still have days where i thought everything was shit. Hes great with me though, unlike some people ive been out with he never adds to my moodiness just lets me get on with it until its over. I think at the end of the day, whatever we are going through we just have endless time and goodwill for each other.
Youll meet a decent guy in the end, they are out there but it does take a long time to find them!! Ive been out with some incredible bastards on my journey here lol and i mean incredible, i had one who stabbed me in the neck with an item of cutlery i had one who knocked me out with a bottle. Never would i have thought id end up happily married to a sweet, intelligent and calm man.

Asia88 · 28/08/2016 23:37

I am!!! And no, It's not because "ignorance is bliss" and I don't know what he is thinking as someone suggested - I'm actually a highly sensitive person and in the past was able to sense (and moan about!) even the slightest bits of relationship discomfort. I did kiss many many frogs, some right selfish bastards - then came across my fiancé! No one has ever been so kind and wonderful to me, he truly is a person with a loving genuine heart, full of understanding and compassion, always tries his best for me and for our soon to be family - we have been together a year now he proposed after 6 months, it's just so easy and smooth sailing with him. He may not be the most charismatic smooth talker kind of man but that's because his morals are of the highest standard and he would never try hard to come across as someone that he is not - and I love him for it, real to the core

MakeItStopNeville · 28/08/2016 23:46

I was thinking about this thread again and, literally, all of my friends appear to be happily married. There is no bitching about spouses, other than the occasional joke. None of us are divorced. I don't think any of us are in some form of denial. We're all just getting on with our lives, juggling work and kids and our relationships.

Marriage isn't always easy (and I'm heading towards 20 years). There have been several tough times but the idea of not having each others side is not a good one!

RainyDayBear · 28/08/2016 23:52

Me! My DP is lovely. Together 3.5 years, but good friends for 14 years, one DC and planning on getting married. I think one of the reasons it works so well is we both had shit relationships with argumentative, moody partners before. We are both fairly calm and non confrontational. We have generally similar goals and similar approaches to things which is important too.

Sallystyle · 28/08/2016 23:57

Me! 10 years and still going strong!

We work because we work together, agree on the important things, accept each other just as we are, love each other for who we are and don't want to change anything about the other. We also communicate well, laugh together, cry together and want the best for the other.

Oly5 · 28/08/2016 23:59

Me, together for seven years, two kids. Really like each other's company, bicker a bit but have the same interests/political views etc

MoosLikeJagger · 29/08/2016 00:09

I am. I won the lottery when I met DH - neither of us are perfect but we just clicked. I enjoy stuff more if he is there. We are a team. We had a rough patch a while back but things are brilliant again now.

We have different political views on some things - like capital punishment, eg, that are basically theoretical most of the time - but we agree on the day-to-day stuff, like who should wash up bearing in mind who shopped and cooked etc, so it runs smoothly. Although we do always vote at elections to cancel out the other person's choice...

LumpyMcBentface · 29/08/2016 00:12

This is such a lovely thread. We should have more like this.

salsamad · 29/08/2016 00:18

We are in a very happy and loving relationship. Met 23 yrs ago and married 21 yrs. My DH is the love of my life. We met in our mid 20s, had been travelling and done tried new things and it was just the right time for both of us. We both knew early on it was serious.
We are very different people but have similar ideals. We make a good team and communicate well about anything and everything. There are disagreements and arguments, but we talk things through. We are honest and kind with each other. There have been difficult times with illness, bereavement and parenting teen issues but we support and care for each other. I find him incredibly sexy - sometimes he turns and looks at me and my tummy turns over .

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