Love but not in love!!!!

[user1472197143]

Hi Everyone, I'm a 32 year old dad of 2 beautiful children, Boy (4) and Girl (14 months). My wife and I have been together for 6 years but married for 5.

6 weeks ago my wife announced she doesn't feel the spark anymore and the dreaded "she loves me but is not in love with me".

When we met we fell head over heels for one another and got caught up in a whirlwind romance and progressed quickly to marriage and children. This was very much unlike me but I put it down to "when you know, you know" if that makes sense...

We fell pregnant on our honeymoon and later the arrival of our amazing boy.

Everything was great... Accept I was feeling like our sense of adventure was drifting away.

I should say at this point my wife went back to work full time as a bank manager and I maintained my full time position as a business consultant.

As the years pass we had slotted in to a routine and wanted to grow our family. We then fell pregnant with our beautiful baby girl which completed at face value our beautiful family.

Again following 8 months of maternity leave she returned to work and again I carried on.

Between my wife returning to work and 6 weeks ago we had neglected our relationship. The effort of both of us working full time, coming home and having 2 young children had made us fall in to bad habits.

We are still a great team. We jointly tackle the children in the morning, I take them and pick them up from nursery. First one through the door starts tea and then we tag team the bed time routine and split household chores, blue jobs and grey jobs (grey jobs because I cover both).

At the end of all of this we are shattered. And the starts the vicious circle.

• we both fell out of shape
• wife sleeping lite + me snoring = separate beds
• huge reduction in intimacy
• sex is vanilla
• wife never wants to do anything involving effort.

Realising how unhealthy this was;

• I have got back in shape and feel physically great (ex gym rat so after a few weeks was easier)
• this has stopped the snoring and increased my energy levels
• I have bought bikes and trailer to try and get my wife to increase her fitness with me while having fun with the children.
• set up date nights to build us back up as a couple.

A week ago she said she wanted to take some time apart to see if she misses me. I have been staying at my mums. She only wanted to do a week. She says she does miss me, loves me but isn't in love with me. She said she wants to work on it but adds the strap line "I don't know if I can change how I feel".

I am very much in love with my wife and would move mountains for her. The thought of not being with my children every day is killing me inside.

My question to all of the mums.

• Can a wife fall back in love with their husband?
• Is counselling the next port of call?
• Am I clutching at straws, should I be placing my efforts on rebuilding so my children have a great environment when they stay with dad?

Thanks for reading.

D

I wouldn't be reassured by her swearing on the children's lives. I've had two cheaters say that. It basically sounds like she's rewriting history, and not favourably. By her own admission you rarely argue.

Not a mum, but I would suggest you work on your third option.

Unless there has been a long pattern of repeated issues over the course of your relationship, there was no good reason for her to bring those up except that she is looking for reasons to leave that are to do with you. She has decided to leave and is looking for "good enough" reasons. You probably won't find out for sometime why she has decided to leave it could be any number of things which have been mentioned by yourself and others already.

Suggest you work on building a good base for your kids when you do part ways. Your work schedule seems to make 50-50 custody a viable option so do not force the marriage for the sake of the kids.

Hard times ahead but know that you deserve to be with someone who is willing to fight for you as you are for them.

Yep. All cheaters swear on their kids lives. As did my ExH.
It's part of 'the script'

You need to snoop quietly to confirm or exclude her affair. You will need completely different plan if she is involved with someone.

It does sound like she wants out, I was in that place once. I felt jealous of new bright shiny relationships and all the excitement.
I had a hard and long think and decided that is not the solution as someone said, I'd need a new relationship every year. I decided to try harder and we are still together.
Anyway, talks with DP went very much as you've described, "not knowing" much.
So although it sounds like she wants out, it might not be the end.