I really need some advice... Boyfriend kissed someone else.

[Blazesmum100]

Hi everyone I'm really just asking for some advice please to see if anyone has been in a similar situation. Sorry for the long post but the context is important. My boyfriend and I wee at a festival together nearly two months ago, we were on working tickets and at the end of our shift at 3am he wanted to go out raving with some of our friends, I was tired so I went back to our tent to sleep. Had no reason not to trust him. He came back to tent at 7.30 am... (Most music finishes 5am) Next day he told me nothing, I knew something had happened and I finally got it out of him that he kissed one of his/our friends. We have talked about it a lot since and I'm trying to move on but I can't seem to. The thing that bothers me most is that it went on for hours, I've got it out of him that they were walking round the festival together for two hours snogging... Both drunk, but it's not like it was one drunken kiss that they stopped quickly and regretted, it feels like multiple prolonged decisions to cheat on me. Things weren't perfect before the festival but they're much worse now, little things are really annoying me and I can't separate them out from the whole backdrop of the cheating episode. Also the fact that he didn't tell me straight away and lied to me all day is haunting me. I'm 35 and we were talking about kids before this happened but now I can't even consider it, he told me yesterday he would really struggle with the idea of us not having kids. I moved city to be with him in January and we moved in together in March. Am I being unreasonable to see it as a pretty major issue? I would miss him if we weren't together I think, but it's on my mind all the time and driving me nuts!

Methinks you have a quality control issue. Just because he's "better" than all your doesn't mean you should settle for sub-standard.

Familiarise yourself with the Bristol Stool Chart because shit comes in many shapes and sizes.

Still means it's shit though.

all your exes*

I thought that was a really good post too fgs

Most people insist on learning the hard way. Op, it seems you are one of them

Nothing will change in a month or two, except he will probably treat himself to a few snogs and gropes while he mourns your absence.

Sadly, my first husband was just like your boyfriend. Hadn't had much experience with women before me, and jumped at every chance to kiss/fondle other women, throughout our 20 year relationship (unknown to me until the latter years). If I could give the younger me any advice, it would be that every niggle I had, when I was gaslighted, well, I should have listened to my gut. Even when he knew that I knew, it carried on. That's who he was, obviously. I left and I am now remarried and very happy with a man who would balk at such behaviour. Sadly my ExH cheated on his next serious Partner and she left him, so he is now alone, almost 50 yrs old. Still goes out every chance he gets and sleeps with anything he can get. Still the same behaviour 32 years on.

If your BF attitude is "I need to take what I can get", why do you think that attitude will change? When you travel in November and he has the freedom to cheat, do you really think he is going to say to himself "I'm not going to cheat, because I had that kiss in June, so I'm all set"? Of course not.

Look, he spent hours at a festival snogging another woman and fondling her boobs. Can you over look that. Along with his "I need to take what I can get" attitude? And if you forgive him, his stance will be "well, it can't have been that bad, cos she forgave me" AND it was your ANNIVERSARY!! FFS.

No, just NO NO NO.

So he cheated right under your nose with a mutual friend so everybody saw him so he humiliated you as well, just no OP, at least have a reasonable amount of time away from him so he at least feels some kind of consequence, I would hate to think what he does when you are not there.

As for the comment about taking what he can get, that says it all, he will never remain faithful to you.