I need some MN advice on this new man

[asconfusedasever]

I've had a shit time with men lately, have name changed for this.

So this guy gave me his number and I contacted him. We had a coffee date and a sex date. Initially I thought he'd be fun to fuck to get over my previous relationship disaster!

However this guy has turned out to be lovely, buys me flowers, buys me gifts, rings every day, very open about his relationships, what he wants etc.

He's just very different to me intellectually, I'm professional, have my own house etc. He's dyslexic, didn't do well in school, lives with his cousin, has little money and a job with no prospects.
We're not on the same wavelength at all and I just worry how a relationship like that could last

Some of my less nice friends think I should just enjoy him for sex
Others think I should give him a chance because he's genuine, kind and honest and that's certainly been lacking in my previous relationships

I'd like some opinions please

It might sound snobbish but there are jobs that require little skill or intelligence, harsh but true
I don't think any less of people but I'm just not sure I want to have a long term relationship with him

I'd have said just keep dating and enjoy being treated well for the time being, until that last comment. If he's pressuring you into something you're not happy with/ready for, run away fast. Any man that doesn't abide by your boundaries is not a good man. 3 dates in he should NOT be steamrollering over your need to take things slowly. Sod the rest of it, if he doesn't respect your feelings, dump him - this won't be the only time he puts his needs and wants above yours.

There's been no pressure, he's just said that's what he's looking for and asked if I'm ready for that which I've told him I'm not

Could you pass him onto me? He sounds lovely

I agree this sort of thing can mean there's no future but give things a go and see how you feel in a few weeks.

Or just pass him over to me

If this was a guy posting you would be hung out to dry.

I think you are being unbelievably cruel, he sounds lovely and amazing and deserves someone who does not look down at him due to a disability, his crap job (according to you), not being good enough for your friends and objectifying his looks ie shagging him because he is hot. Please do not lead him on any further.

Quite frankly you are despicable.

Ah ok, I misunderstood.

I think as you know he wants a relationship and you clearly don't (not with him anyway as you seem to think he's beneath you) it's probably best to let him find someone who is better suited to him nicer

Why do pple in uk think about how a partner fits in or around freunds.real freinds should respect who do u have as a partner or bf .if you like the guy the should like him and treat him with respect .

But surely we all look at these things when we're looking at a potential partner? It's easy to get blinded by good sex (not literally!) and let that confuse things. I would want someone who had a job he enjoyed (so no moaning about it), which was satisfying and challenging, which paid enough that he was independent and could afford to go on holidays etc, and so on. That doesn't make me a snob - it's just one of the criteria I'd be looking for. And yes, I'd want someone who could fit in with my friends - why would I want to abandon them when they've been around for so long?

Richard Branson is dyslexic.

Just saying...

Wonder if Mrs Branson thinks "If only Richard wasn't dyslexic, he could have really made something of himself"

This guy is as unlike Richard Branson as it's possible to get in terms of work, Cary. Nobody is saying "Don't go out with someone who's dyslexic."

My DP is dyslexic. He's incredibly intelligent, he just can't spell very well.

We get on perfectly and I never get bored speaking to him - although deciphering his texts is a bit of a chore.

I realise that Imperial, just wondered why it was mentioned by the OP, being dyslexic is irrelevant.

This poor guy has had no specialist intervention and has been launched into adult life thinking he's thick. That is absolutely tragic.

I think his extremely poor view of himself would be more of a problem than his job. I'm sure he could get the specialist intervention even now but of course it's going to cost...

I have absolutely no doubt that Richard Branson got 'specialist intervention' (aka public school confidence) in spades. This is the main issue between you imo: his lack of confidence.

oh, and I married the 'right' man - with credential pouring off him. Absolute disaster marriage.

I don't think having similar qualifications or intelligence matters. What matters is respect, love, good conversation, support, tolerance, giving, good sex, happiness... But by the views you have you don't seem to be some of these towards this man. I think it's good he is being honest he wants a relationship. If want to know that if I was dating someone as otherwise I wouldn't want to be wasting my time. I do understand your initial post but then you have said some very sweeping things about manual jobs. My dad is a motor mechanic so it's all manual, does that make him less worth? Yet he gave up A levels to do it as its what he loves. And it's actually incredibly difficult. How do you know it doesn't take intelligence what this man is doing?

If you aren't that in to him that's fine but please just be kind. He is someone's brother/son etc.

I feel sorry for this man. As another poster said, if the genders were reversed the OP would be ripped to shreds. I think he sounds lovely and deserves someone who loves him for himself. Not someone who is ashamed to introduce him to friends and feels he's inferior. Go and find yourself a nuclear physicist to shag OP and leave this poor man free to find a woman who will appreciate and value him.

Do you not think you might have got his arse about tit? Unless you are actively embarrassed of him?

My exh ticked all my boxes - bilingual (I live abroad), intelligent, educated, made me laugh - only one issue - he is a seriously abusive arsehole and shite and abusive in the sack too. I stupidly thought it would get better over the years - of course it didn't, 100% the reverse.

DP - had a fair less "normal" education because he had to pay for it himself, and had to stop earlier to work. Isn't bilingual (but making progress), loves me, my kids, his kids. Lovely in bed. I was so wrong with my tick boxes.

The happiest marriage I know is between a university lecturer and a painter/decorator - just because you have a manual job, or few qualifications, doesn't necessarily mean you don't have much to say, or dreams, aspirations and desires [hmmm]

From what you have said I think he sounds lovely. However, you sound very snobby as do those friends that say just enjoy him for good sex. I feel sorry for him tbh.

Agreed with MiniMe. I suppose I am more academically qualified than my husband and he has a very manual job but I don't find those things important. A good job so he doesn't moan?! Wouldn't we all like that! I think this bloke sounds really into you and lovely and you should either give him the time of day he deserves or knock it off now.

Imagine if a 38 year old bloke came on here saying what a young, thick, hotty he was shagging but he couldn't introduce her to the blokes from the office!

Well you don't say that he's not intelligent, being dyslexic and not doing well at school don't always correlate to not being intelligent

I think you should probably let him go and find someone nicer ..you seem a bit shallow tbh

I once met someone who I liked, who told me he 'worked for the council on environmental stuff'. I was an Assistant Head in a school. It turned out he was a bin man. I was really shocked and, to my shame, could not deal with it and stopped seeing him. We had only been out about 4 times and I did like him but I could not cope with it at all.

You attitude is arrogant and stupid , let him go so he can find someone who deserves him .
Your also a selfish user perhaps that's these are the reasons you have been attracted to ignorant types like yourself.
This relationship will never work long term because you think you are better than him ...tsk...

I was that guy.

I had an ok job, worked in a corporate office but on a low level. Met a seemingly lovely guy who was at the top of his profession. He travelled a lot with his job and to cut a lng story short, it became apparent he thought he was far superior to me. He kept me dangling, in hindsight I was an ego boost. I felt so ashamed of myself and it did terrible damage to my self esteem. I eventually went NC. Strangely enough he still contacts me ten years later, telling me I was the 'one' (even though he is married with a child) himself). I wish I'd never met him.

Why shouldn't the OP look for someone with a similar intelligence and attitude to work.(Agree the dyslexia is a red herring). Some people here are projecting massively.

I'm happy to admit I wanted someone similar in these respects, and our relationship is the happier for it.