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Relationships

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Original poster

His ex contacted him but he wouldn't let me see the conversation. LTB?

68 replies

GeordieBadgers · 19/08/2016 12:07

Boyfriend of 6 months told me that he's ex contacted him asking for a drink. When I asked to see it he said he'd deleted it. Why would he delete it if he had nothing to hide?

AIBU to LTB?

I refuse on principle to EVER fight with another woman for a man. It's undignified.

What would you do?

OP posts:

Mango5000 · 19/08/2016 14:47

Wow!

I would delete something from an ex. I'd think it strange not to. You asking for her number is bloody bizarre!

For you don't trust him then you have no future anyway.
Obviously only you know your relationship but you sound controlling & a bit bunny boiler.

Poor guy is better off if you go I think. You really need to sort your shit out

pasic · 19/08/2016 15:08

Why did he tell you? To get a reaction probably and he did.

RavioliOnToast · 19/08/2016 15:18

You've massively overstepped the mark asking for her number, in complete honesty you sound like a bit of a nightmare. How old are you? This sounds like a teenage drama.

I wouldn't give my partner of six months an ex's number. What on earth do you need it for?

FallenStar3 · 19/08/2016 15:25

OTT my DH ex messaged him to get some stuff off him following their split when we first starting dating, I never asked to see the messages let alone asked for her number.

HotNatured · 19/08/2016 15:42

Unless your DP has given you reason to be insecure I would say you are completely out of order !

You say that you think he is trying to make you jealous tho. Why would you say that?

Asking to read your DP's private messages only six months into a relationship makes you look controlling and unhinged. You have no right to read his messages, whatsoever.

I'm surprised after your OTT reaction that he didn't dump you first.

But surely there is back story to this that would give a reason for you behaving like that

Anonymouses · 19/08/2016 15:52

He got a message, he responded no then deleted it. He mentioned it in conversation probably simply for transparency (as many of us would do) then from what I can see you went batshit crazy.

If you already don't trust him over something so trivial that he didn't hide from you then there are jealousy and trust issues that you likely need to work out before getting into another relationship.

Bambooshoots14 · 19/08/2016 15:55

You asked for the number of an ex for a 6 month bf?!

Littleballerina · 19/08/2016 15:56

Your reaction is absolutely irrational! Would it have been better not to tell you?
Poor bloke.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 19/08/2016 15:59

Why would he even tell you if he was planning to meet her. Why would you suspect he's trying you make you jealous?

Lunar1 · 19/08/2016 16:01

Why would he give you her number! What on earth would you have done with it?

Bloody good on him that he won't give it to you, you have no right to her number.

bomfunk · 19/08/2016 16:11

Omg my boyfriend got a 'booty call' from a casual fwb while we were DTD at around the 6month mark. He said - oh it's x, we both laughed and after that he contacted her to say that he was in a relationship so that side of things was off the cards, although we'd been casually 'exclusive' for a good while before that (prob from 1st date!). I don't see the need for the drama?! He was upfront. Why would he keep the message? Although maybe a good idea to stick with the breakup and spend some time on yourself and raising your self-esteem / addressing insecurities.

TokenGinger · 19/08/2016 16:52

Oh my gosh. I hope he ends it with you, for his own sake!

You have no right to see his messages. You would have been none the wiser if he hadn't told you, but the fact he has, has caused him trouble anyway.

If somebody text me and I had no desire to speak to them, I'd reply, say no, and delete the chat. Mostly because it'd piss me off every time I opened my whatsapp or something and saw his face there.

This poor guy. Yes, I think you are better of alone until you get over your jealousy issues.

Chinks123 · 19/08/2016 17:01

It depends what kind of man he is as to whether he said it to make you jealous, I.e is he a dickhead or was he just kindly telling you his ex had texted? If he's one of those "ooh my ex texted are you jealous" kind of people children then I get what you mean but if not you're overthinking this waaaaay too much. If my ex ever texts it gets deleted because I don't want any trace of them on my phone. That's my choice and if DP asked for their number I'd think that was very weird you can't always check up on your partner you have to have trust.

NeedAnotherGlass · 19/08/2016 17:05

So why not delete it AFTER telling me?
Probably because he wasn't expecting you to demand to see it - that is not a normal response.

I asked for her number to check this shit out. Guess what, he won't give it to me "on principle" whatever that means.
It means you would look like a bunny boiler mad woman and he doesn't want other people to know that his gf is nuts.

I think you are better off apart and you could do with working on your jealousy issues because you cannot treat people like that

Chinks123 · 19/08/2016 17:06

Also op I know what it's like to have trust issues very badly at one point, and DP once told me his ex had texted. As I was paranoid I asked to see, he'd deleted it. That was it then I was convinced he must have been flirting etc. It was a Fb message and turned out he'd archived it not deleted, so he got it back. It said exactly what he said it had I looked like a paranoid gf and that was when i started to let go and trust. (Unless he has form for cheating or something)

Lewwat · 19/08/2016 17:06

Op you sound batshit...... I think it would be best for him if you left!

dietborebingo · 19/08/2016 17:12

I think the text never existed and he's just playing with you. He had to say he deleted it as he had nothing to show! He's a game playing dick. Has he purposely tried to wind you up in the past?

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 19/08/2016 17:30

I know what it's like to feel jealous of an ex. DP & I both have children so have to be in contact with the exes, but his doesn't seem to have any boundaries! She knows me, we get on well and we even spend Xmases together etc but she will text DP calling him darling and adding kisses etc.

It feels like a kick in the stomach when I see her name and overly familiar messages flash up on his phone (they display on his lock screen, or at least the DID until I asked him to turn off that particular facility!) but as I trust HIM 100% I can get over her messages and him turning up with her big red lipsticky kiss on his cheek when he's dropped her off at work after their kids' school play etc.

It's a bastard having an ex on the scene all the time, but if you love your DP and he loves you, you can work with it! If you really can't trust him when you haven't even seen anything incriminating then it's over already.

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