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Relationships

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Original poster

His ex contacted him but he wouldn't let me see the conversation. LTB?

68 replies

GeordieBadgers · 19/08/2016 12:07

Boyfriend of 6 months told me that he's ex contacted him asking for a drink. When I asked to see it he said he'd deleted it. Why would he delete it if he had nothing to hide?

AIBU to LTB?

I refuse on principle to EVER fight with another woman for a man. It's undignified.

What would you do?

OP posts:

greenlass · 19/08/2016 12:32

You realise you would make complete arses out of the pair of you by texting her to "check this shit out"?

Mum4Fergus · 19/08/2016 12:33

Sorry OP but I think he's the one who should be leaving you you've clearly got some trust issues you need to work through before you should commit to a healthy relationship...sorry.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 19/08/2016 12:33

Are you 13?

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/08/2016 12:43

I think that you should do both of you a favour and leave.

tessiegirl · 19/08/2016 12:46

Oh OP I can sympathise with how you are feeling and how jealousy eats you up from the inside. It is horrible. You feel in order to protect yourself you will end things and that first response seems to be the only way to handle this right now. Try and keep calm and take deep breaths.

I too have had trust issues in the past and still even now it rears its ugly head.

Have you had any other reason in your relationship not to believe what he says before?

TheNaze73 · 19/08/2016 12:47

There are massive over reactions & then there is this....

fanniboz · 19/08/2016 12:52

Way too much drama over nothing for only 6 months in. I'd say leave him but not because of what he's done, you'd be doing him a favour

LineyReborn · 19/08/2016 12:52

OP, you really do seem to have some anxiety issues. Have you ever talked to anyone about them, like a counsellor? It must be exhausting being this insecure. I mean that very genuinely, and I sympathise.

Has your DP ever set out to make you feel insecure, do you think?

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 19/08/2016 12:53

If you feel he would enjoy making you feel jealous and insecure then perhaps there was no text message in the first place?

It all sounds a bit daft and life is short.

Grannypants1 · 19/08/2016 13:01

Maybe when he first saw it he deleted it because when he first saw it it meant nothing to him and he knows it thought it would cause more trouble than its worth to even bring it up over nothing bit then rethought it and realised it would be worse not telling you. Or maybe it is more than it is and he is hiding something. Maybe she didn't and he is just trying to make you jealous. Either way all you know is what he told you. It is up to you if you trust him. If you don't then there is the real issue you should be talking about.

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 19/08/2016 13:42

He told YOU
You didn't find it yourself.
And nothing you've said seems to suggest he did it too make you jealous. Message her if you want but you'll make him run for the hills screaming and she will think you're loopy!
I agree with not handing the number over because of principle, you're his partner you should trust him. You're not his mother and he's not a naughty school boy

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 19/08/2016 13:52

Sorry, but I think he's had a lucky escape and you need to work on your trust issues.

Dizzapea · 19/08/2016 13:52

My ex text me out of the blue some 3 years after is last seen him. Made me feel sick to think i'd been with someone who treated my so awfully so i deleted it pretty much straight away as didnt want it on my phone. I did tell OH but not for a few days and then it was only because we were getting me a new phone and i was insistent i had a new number. Dont assume the worst just because he deleted it.

RealityCheque · 19/08/2016 13:53

Please LTB (he deserves better than an untrusting, jealous girlfriend).

I would delete messages from exes too. And would also refuse to give their (or anyone's) number out to ANYONE who didn't know them. You sound childish and petulant.

LadyFarnborough · 19/08/2016 13:56

"Tbh I think he told me in order to make me feel jealous and insecure. He succeeded."

And if he hadn't told you, you'd have still gone off the deep end if you'd found out. Poor bloke can't win.

ButtMuncher · 19/08/2016 14:05

Wow. If I threatened to LTB every time my DPs ex contacted him we wouldn't have lasted anymore than 10 mins into our first date

Just as well I choose to trust my DP, eh? Even when they couldn't establish boundaries initially and he would stay over her house on the sofa to take his son to school because he missed him so, I still trusted him. And still do. He had nothing to hide.

I don't delete messages unless spam or marketing, but my mum and plenty of my friends do.

ButtMuncher · 19/08/2016 14:06

Wow. If I threatened to LTB every time my DPs ex contacted him we wouldn't have lasted anymore than 10 mins into our first date

I don't delete messages unless spam or marketing, but my mum and plenty of my friends do.

LolBeansandSalad · 19/08/2016 14:07

Devils avocado here, but perhaps he's making it up to make you feel jealous so actually there's no text to show...

LegalQuestion · 19/08/2016 14:09

Oh dear.

April241 · 19/08/2016 14:12

You asked for her number?! Sheesh there's absolutely no relationship here, have you had trust issues before or been cheated on previously?

If my ex texted me I'd tell my OH but I'd also delete it, no need to keep the message. Also at the start of OH and I's relationship his ex texted constantly until he told her to back off and he was seeing someone, didn't bother me in the slightest because I trusted him.

ayeokthen · 19/08/2016 14:13

Why would he keep it? It's a conversation that ended when he said no.

glitterwhip · 19/08/2016 14:15

If my ex text me I'd probably delete it too..I wouldn't want his name or number sitting there on my phone I'd just get rid
And I'd probably get a bit annoyed if someone was demanding to see my messages

Missgraeme · 19/08/2016 14:18

And if he had given u her number what we're u going to do?
Text her and ask if something is going on between them?
What if she said yes?
And he had said no?
Who would do believe?
If he takes pleasure from winding u up then dump him.
He ob isnt that special.

Buzzardbird · 19/08/2016 14:20

With the greatest respect OP...what the hell is wrong with you?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/08/2016 14:22

I don't deal with jealousy well at all so ending it is my only option. I'd rather be alone than feel this helplessness.

I think that's your answer. Most people wouldn't be jealous that an ex had texted their partner - there's nothing to be jealous of, he's with you, he hasn't gone for a drink with her.

It doesn't sound like you're in the right place to be in a relationship at the moment though, so splitting is the right thing to do. You can't expect to read his messages or contact people. You have to be able to trust him, or anyone else. Without that, there really is nothing - just a horrid uneasiness.

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