How does your partner cope when you are upset or ill?

[sorbetandcream1]

How does your partner react when you are ill (physically or mentally)? Will he/she do anything without being asked?

How do they react when you are upset?

How do disagreements usually get resolved?

Would love to know other peoples experience. Think I'm losing perspective of what is normal. Unsure if I'm being treated badly or I'm being needy, both possible (probably both true to an extent).

Tia.

Kids with him will be a nightmare. My youngest is 7 and I'm only now having good quality sleep most nights.

jeepers yes, I just wonder if it's possible he lacks understanding of what is 'normal' care when people are ill. It could equally be he's generally an unkind person. I'm just not quite sure which one it is.

I had a boyfriend like this. Luckily I was not married to him or have any children with him.

I had an operation, a couple of days later I developed a fever, hallucinations, vomiting, in and out of consciousness etc. I called my own ambulance and he turned them away at the door, telling them I was a hypochondriac and had novo virus. He then took my phone away so I couldn't waste anyone else's time. it was only when he was asleep I managed to crawl and get my phone off him and call another ambulance. They came, had faces that the other ambulance had just left me and rushed me to hospital, while they were there he woke up, was furious and got in his car and went to work. I was in hospital for 10 days, I had sepsis and shortly after arriving had a haemorrhage and lost half the blood in my body. He didn't come to see me once. When I was came home he moaned about having no one to cook him dinner and watched me crawl past him to get my medicines and water while he played Xbox he also moaned about a lump he'd found on his head and took me to a&e so he could get an X-ray. We were there for 4 hours and he left when they called his name (because he knew he was bullshitting)

Luckily we hadn't been together very long and we split up over it. He actually could have killed me, it was terrifying. He's had kids now with someone else, it makes me feel ill when I think of her and them and how he must be treating her.

Thank you everyone who has shared. I often wonder if I expect too much or overthink. I am now seriously considering how I will leave, as noted by someone else, all he contributes is money.

Bitchpeas, that is so horrific, as is what happened to User. OP, I would have a very frank conversation about responsibility before having kids.

Well my post would have been about my DH's competitive illnessing, but in view of some of the horrific stories on here, I don't feel I have much to moan about.

to many of you.

Thank you to everyone who has shared. Really does give a bit of perspective.

Thanks.

Just came back to add the point to my post!

Please don't think I posted so you'd get perspective and minimise his shitty behaviour!

My ex boyf. Was also a lazy horrible shit when I just had a headache, period pains etc etc. He was just like your description of your DP. So my point was, if he's like this when you're just normally ill, what the fucks he going to be like when you're seriously ill/vulnerable? A lot worse! Why put yourself through it, he's showing you who he really is. The iller you get the worse he'll get. And the more severe the consequences will be.

F@ck me! I'm a bloke and can't believe that anyone puts up with the sh1t some of you have/do. My wife was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 when our daughter was 9. I became lead parent for a while, did the domestic stuff and worked . My wife said that my taking the lead role and keeping things going helped her get through. She was 're-diagnosed in 2014 and its incurable. I gave up work and am now her primary carer. It isn't always easy, but the thought of her suffering more if I didn't do it isn't an option. I'm not a saint, but not a complete twat either.

Mostly- so sorry to hear about your wife. That must be hard for all of you.

Shame the men on these threads aren't decent human beings like you are.

"In sickness and in health", eh?!

Mostly
Must be extremely hard for all of you. There's nothing a random on the Internet can say to help or soothe but take heart that you are doing a wonderful thing for your family. unmumsnetty hugs X

In 19 years together since first pregnancy 17 years ago I have unfortunately at times been really poorly on and off. I had 4 major ops in the space of 2 years and I had to ask for help which I totally resented. However I am 4 weeks post hysterectomy and I can't fault him he has been amazing and supportive 100% . I don't know why he has changed but for the moment not complaining. With my DH I feel if he can't actually see it he doesn't understand. He on the other hand is never unwell and I am yet to experience how I would react. In my opinion men can be selfish creatures but again not all are the same

I posted almost the exact same question on the same day!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2712128-To-ask-how-your-DP-behaves-when-youre-ill