Discovered Husbands affair 4 weeks before daughters wedding!

[user1471521184]

Please please give me some advice. I have been married 35 years, I thought happily. Last year (exactly!) I was advised by my husband's mistress that they had been having an affair for 5 years. My husband admitted it all moved out and we gradually began to talk, discuss our issues and realise we are soul mates. I agreed to meet him but never had return home. My daughters were advised of the issue (by me!) and after time re built their relationship with their Dad. We has all been very happy until I was again advised by his mistress that he they met 1 last time for a hoilday for break up sex, and he has always remained in contact with her. My husband admitted it all. My daughter marries in 4 weeks time and my husband has begged me not to say anything and 'forget the whole thing'. My daughter of 29 would cancel the wedding I know and has always wanted her Dad to walk her down the aisle. I am under terrible strain, what do I do? No one else knows of this latest bomb shell

Hello Hillfarmer, You are so right on many aspects. I will chat with them when the dust have settled and will be honest about where I have gone wrong. It is up to them to find their own way forward, in their own time and own way and I will stop projecting my own feelings and check myself if I see it coming. Many thanks once again Hillfarmer

Some seriously good advice on this thread

Good luck, OP

I think hillfarmer has it spot on. Some of the best advice I've seen

so right faffalotty and I appreciate all the posts and advice

Just for a moment take the wedding out of the equation. Pretend it doesn't exist.
Would you still feel compelled to tell your daughter about this new information?
If so , why ?
I really don't see why your daughters need to know.
It's between you and your husband.

Awful situation, open. I've been there..I feel for you. Although never told dc the extent of the betrayal as I felt it my problem to deal with. Now they are much, much older, they know the whole story.

And, I'm sorry, but who, over the age of 18, has 'break-up' sex?

Could you not say to your daughter (pre wedding) that you & her father have decided to cool things off a bit? That.way, although it's not entirely truthful, it's making do until after your daughter's big day. Let her have her dream wedding, let her father walk her down the isle..these will be precious memories for her. Even though he is an ass hat!

Tell them. Secrets and lies on top of secrets and lies can not be a good thing.

They will want to support you, and you will want that support. They will be upset and angry and want to take your side and that will make you feel better, and 'punish' their father.

But although he has behaved terribly towards you and is a crap husband, he doesn't seem to be a crap father. This is not their betrayal, not their hurt. It will be difficult but I think you need to think long term about protecting the relationship between your husband and children. Yes you could walk you daughter down the aisle (my mother did me), but you should encourage your daughter to have your husband still do it. This probably means that you should save the majority of your 'what a bastard' rants for your friends rather than your children. Try to avoid the 'how could he do this to US'. Not easy, I'm sure you hate him right now, but he isn't going to be your husband for much longer, but he will always be your children's father, and grandfather to their children, so those relationships need protecting. With young children you would want to protect them and say 'mummy and daddy don't love each other any more, but daddy still loves you' and I think that principle still applies no matter how old the children.