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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To think I'm being punished by my DH over this?

38 replies

sparklex · 17/08/2016 17:28

So me kids and DH went on a day out. On way home stopped at a service station for tea (too late to go home and cook) we had to walk across a bridge over the motor way to get it the over services in the other side. I didn't particularly like it. The thought of the cars underneath and the height just makes me feel a bit off. Anyway I was walking across and DH noticed I didn't particularly like it and starting going mad. Saying I'm just like my mum ( she is worse than me and fears a lot more things than I do) and he said I'm starting to look like her and that I'm even getting the same body shape as her ( she's a lot bigger than me) so I didn't end up eating any tea because he basically made out I had put loads of weight on whilst he ate his happily in front of me and now he's ignored me all night and all day and even slept on the sofa. I have to eat because I'm breastfeeding my 10 week old but he's made me self conscious because he's now made out I have put all this weight on. Not being horrible towards my mum but I'm 28 years old, my mum is 48, I don't want to look like her just yet do I?

OP posts:
ComedyWing · 17/08/2016 17:30

Does he have any redeeming features at all? On the other hand, you can't not eat because your DH is behaving like a total pillock, especially when BF. Call him on it, for God's sake. You don't have to look willowy when you recently gave birth!

Shakey15000 · 17/08/2016 17:31

I'd say it's less about how you look and more about him being a horrible moody git. Does he put you down often?

user1471422849 · 17/08/2016 17:32

Is he usually such a bully?

HelenaDove · 17/08/2016 17:33

Hes a knob and hes "othering" you for a reason.

Age doesnt mean anything. At age 28 i was ten stone heavier than i am now at 43.

MrsGsnow18 · 17/08/2016 17:33

So you've just given birth 20 weeks ago and he said you've put on weight!?
Men can be bloody great big arses sometimes!!

GeorgeTheThird · 17/08/2016 17:34

What were you doing for him to notice you didn't like it?

And you should just have eaten, not made a drama out of it in front of the kids.

He sounds mean. But you might not have helped the situation, it seems to me.

MrsGsnow18 · 17/08/2016 17:34

Sorry 10 weeks ago!

scurryfunge · 17/08/2016 17:34

Challenge him. Ask him why he feels the need to say this. I have my little foibles about heights, etc but if DH took the piss or made negative nasty comments like that, then he would find himself flung off said motorway bridge.

3littlefrogs · 17/08/2016 17:35

What a rude, horrible man.
Has he always been like this?

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 17/08/2016 17:36

Your husband is a prick.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals · 17/08/2016 17:38

I don't know how much he weighs but that's the amount I would aim to loose! Ffs is he fucking perfect? Its very rare I get this cross from a Mumsnet post, but seriously love, nobody deserves what he dealt you. He's a knob head, your weight, your age and your mum ain't the issue here.

milkyface · 17/08/2016 17:38

He sounds fucking awful op! How dare he comment on your weight at all let alone 10 weeks post birth.

You'd be better of without him by the sounds of it!

mummyto2monkeys · 17/08/2016 17:39

The way your dh is behaving is incredibly worrying, there are red flags allover your post. He sounds emotionally abusive, does he regularly behave this way? How long has he been this abusive towards you? I would be very careful, I don't have much experience of abusive relationships but I'm sure someone wiser will be along shortly. You have a new baby, your body has just created a human being and you are now nourishing your child. My husband was incredibly proud of me at that stage, he kept me topped up on drinks and snacks and told me I was beautiful when I cried at my post natal body. Your husband should be supporting you not abusing you x

NoFanJoe · 17/08/2016 18:07

Your DH sounds unhappy or annoyed and he's taking it out on you. The body shape comment is something that he thinks will hurt you. Has he always been such a piss poor communicator?
With a young baby and having other kids, you'll both have spent a while with your hands full and then some. When life gets hard or stops running the way he wants does he expect you to make it better for him? If you don't, does he typically grump and rant abusively at you in this way?
Maybe see if you can find a time when you can have a better conversation about what's really going on?

Costacoffeeplease · 17/08/2016 18:13

Why didn't you just eat as normal? You know you're breastfeeding a very young baby. I'd have told him to fuck off - is he always this much of a twat?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/08/2016 18:51

So many things about this are weird.

Your DH started going mad at you because you were scared of a bridge? Prick. What did the DC say about him going mad at you?

When he called you a fatty you didn't tell him to fuck off? Why not?

You didn't eat your dinner even though you know you must and were hungry. Was that your way of telling him to fuck off, by martyring yourself? What did you tell the DC about why you weren't eating?

He has given you the silent treatment as punishment. Punishment for what? Did he still do all the normal evening chores, bedtime routine etc with the DC?

Dozer · 17/08/2016 18:53

ShockAngry

Original poster
sparklex · 17/08/2016 19:18

Thanks for your reply

I will answer the questions you have asked

Yes he's done this type of thing before
I didn't eat because I suppose it was me trying to 'show him' that by him making such comments I not can't eat and I guess I wanted him to feel bad but obviously that's back fired and nothing will make him feel bad.

When we got home he made sure kids got to bed but then went out again ( to do something with a friend). Then he came back and slept on the sofa.

He's always been a bad communicator and always gives me silent treatment when we fall out regardless of who's in the wrong

I suffer from anxiety.. I get a bit anxious in certain situations and he doesn't like it, he thinks people shouldn't be anxious or suffer with any form of depression.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 17/08/2016 19:20

Do you think he is the cause of your anxiety?

user1467976192 · 17/08/2016 19:20

I would have ordered the biggest thing on the menu and looked him in the eye at every bite

Original poster
sparklex · 17/08/2016 19:22

He always thinks he has an excuse for his behaviour and he will refuse to resolve a situation if he doesn't want to talk about so it gets brushed under the carpet along with everything else and it just eats away at me week after week whilst he carries on as normal

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklex · 17/08/2016 19:24

User

that made me laugh 'looked him in the eye with every bite'
I guess I should have done

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 17/08/2016 19:25

This guy is a controlling cunt. Seriously, why the hell are you with him?

HelenaDove · 17/08/2016 19:31

He is "othering" you and then nipping out at night "to do something with a friend"

Im sorry but there could be OW

MatildaTheCat · 17/08/2016 19:33

He's a bully. If you want to stay with him you have to start to stand up for yourself. That said, him giving you the silent treatment and sleeping on the couch makes me think he's too much like hard work.

Just to reassure you, I'm 50 and undoubtedly look better than in my 20s. Be kind to yourself.