Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Inappropriate behaviour....

68 replies

tessie31082 · 14/08/2016 20:21

hi, partner been acting weird with niece who was staying with grandparents (his sisters daughter staying three doors down with his mum and dad) on a little break. They have been messaging each other and video calling each other quite a bit when no-one is around (I have access to his ipad) - I've looked on his facebook messenger! He took her to darts one night and stayed out much later than normal and he went to help her get her makeup from his parents yesterday so she could put it on here (the parents/grandparents were already out) before we went out but they were gone 20 mins. Am I just being suspicious and thinking ridiculous thoughts? There are also a few messages that I personally think are odd but someone else might not think anything of it! Do I just keep an eye on things? She does not live close so we do not see her often.
Tessie

OP posts:

McBassyPants · 15/08/2016 07:45

I think your two options/outcomes are:

A) He is doing something untoward, in which case that's incest. Your relationship is over.

B) You accuse him and he isn't. He thinks you're fucked up for even thinking he's capable of such things. You relationship is over.

Your call.

turtlesallthewaydown · 15/08/2016 08:14

The other option, as a first step, is what Youaremyrain said.

whattodowiththepoo · 15/08/2016 08:41

I don't think he has done anything wrong, I certainly wouldn't call him a paedophile based on what you have said.
If you think he is capable of having a sexual relationship with his niece, end the relationship.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/08/2016 08:49

He is her biological uncle, folks. It's not just about his disgusting porn viewing.

McBassyPants · 15/08/2016 09:22

Him being her biological uncle is the only thing that would be wrong in a sexual relationship with her (aside from him being married). She's 17, she can have sex with people

EJsqidge91 · 19/08/2016 21:16

I don't see anything incriminating here other than the pass code. But that could just be because he realises you've been snooping! My uncle has called me gorgeous throughout my entire life! And I've had video chats with him as I don't see him often. The picture he sent was one of those things that just pop up on Facebook!

KatieScarlettReregged2 · 19/08/2016 21:21

My bio uncle would have sent those texts. Oh and drunkenly confess how much he fancied me when I was 13.
He turned out to be a sex offender.
Can't say I was surprised.

user1469380647 · 19/08/2016 21:32

Actually teen porn is illegal as ive just found out after my husband was arested' i thought it was under 16 but its under 18.

McBassyPants · 19/08/2016 22:40

It's not illegal, 18 and 19 is not illegal. Plus the so-called "teens" are usually actually early to mid 20s anyways

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 19/08/2016 22:47

user
Consenting age is 16
But to be filmed or pass a pornographic video around the people in the video or taking part have to be over 18.
Like another poster said it isn't actually "teen" girls. Its like a "plumber" starring in a movie it's not a real plumber.
His porn preferences shouldn't be brought into this, unless it was CHILD porn you found.
I personally would be weirded out if my uncle called me gorgeous but hey ho! Some family's are like that. What one views as weird another views as normal.

Littleladylumps · 19/08/2016 22:57

Your gut instinct is obviously telling you something is "off". Is she having a hard time at the moment with an issue, that he may be the only one she is talking to about?
But if that's right surely he would discuss it with you?

user1471379988 · 19/08/2016 23:13

Massive over reaction.

You're looking to stir up trouble because you don't trust your partner and you're feeling insecure.

My mum calls my brother that, as in "night gorgeous". As for that "mind blowing ass" thing, it's not porn FFS, who knows, it could be an in joke.

You need more evidence than this.

TokenGinger · 19/08/2016 23:25

My uncle still calls me babes and gorgeous whenever I'm in his company. "Thanks for a lovely evening gorgeous." "Night babes, get home safely." And there is absolutely nothing weird about him. It's just the way he's been my entire life. And so if this is the way he's been all of her life, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid.

And that video is probably some kind of joke. Those silly videos are always circulating on Facebook.

RedMapleLeaf · 20/08/2016 05:37

His porn preferences shouldn't be brought into this, unless it was CHILD porn you found.

Can we really not use that phrase?

Fredsmum82 · 10/01/2023 22:11

Hi all, an update very much later on! Turns out he did end up doing something to her (after we'd split up a year later)! He's finally had his day in court (lots and lots of delays due to covid) and found guilty! Retrial for the other niece next month - he will be sentenced for the 1st niece (who was 17/18) on 4 different charges whether found guilty or not for the retrial one! My regret is I did nothing when I should have done! I will have to live with this for the rest of my life! If your gut tells you something act on it!

Ofcourseshecan · 10/01/2023 22:43

Fredsmum82 · 10/01/2023 22:11

Thanks for this important update, OP. (Presuming name-change fail?)

Resilience16 was so right to say He likes watching teen porn, and she is 17 and needy? Red f@cking flag right there! In that context his comments look very much like grooming a vulnerable teen to me. You need to speak to him.

I was appalled by some PPs condoning his (at best) sleazy behaviour, which has now been proved to have been criminal.

That people could openly express such opinions on a forum called Mumsnet shows how easy it is for sex predators to operate pretty much in broad daylight.

I’m sorry you had to go through that, OP.

Justcallmebebes · 10/01/2023 22:59

I know!!! I was reading this, saw it was posted in 2016 and thought what the holy fuck am I reading? This had so many red flags and people were virtually condoning it. So weird

QueenCamilla · 10/01/2023 23:16

I was a father-less, cute, barely ever supervised child&teen. I grew up thinking that all women have been subjected to some form of abuse and grooming and will have those same cynically-realistic barriers that I do.

Well, I get called "prejudiced" waaaay more often than experienced or realistic.
There's always apologists and minimisers.
The men lead with "not all men", the women with "not in my experience". Trust me, better to exercise caution than it being within your experience!

Yet another case that shows up the blinkered... 😑

Flip

1 2 3