We just broke up - can someone tell me it will all be ok?

[Queenbean]

I have been with DP for just over 3 years, both in our early 30s. We live together, no children.

He's always been a step behind in terms of relationships, he had never really had a gf before me etc and we hadn't talked that much about marriage, babies etc.

About 8 months ago I raised the topic and he basically said he wasn't sure. So about 3 months ago I told him it was what I wanted, and I'd give him time, but that I wouldn't wait forever.

Tonight he has come home to say that he doesn't want to get married and so we will break up basically.

I sort of thought this may come so it's not a total surprise, and I feel weirdly detached from the situation.

Please can you tell me everything will be ok and I will meet a husband soon...??

Well we only had the conversation on Friday night, he has moved the majority of his stuff out and we are having a last night together this evening. He moves out properly tomorrow and then the grieving process starts properly with a lack of major contact.

Neither of us doubts our decision because we can't go back on what we really want, it's just the pain of knowing it hasn't worked out. Plus, we are on such good terms and haven't fallen out / no one has done anything wrong that it's just so sad.

I'm sure it will get better but for now it's actual physical pain in my chest

Oh so he's still there tonight. Yes that will hurt like mad horrible. I'm sure you're dreading it but tomorrow may well feel a little bit easier than tonight.

Thank you, I hope so :(

He has gone. I feel very weird - very sad, but sort of a weird sense of relief because now I can move forward

We were both a complete mess saying bye but I guess now it's positive as I can start rebuilding myself and getting happy by myself again

Well done. As you say, now you have the space to focus on you and your future.

Have you managed to eat something tonight?

Thanks fastday, for replying to my posts, it's really helped

I feel sick all the time at the moment but am going to try and eat now. Watching crap tv with my teddy and then I might have a bath and an early night

You're not on your own. I really do know how it feels.

Well not quite because sadly for me I'm a stress eater not a stress-feel-sick-type. But try to have something proper to eat- it should help you sleep. A nice bath is a great idea, and you can never go wrong with a bit of crap TV.

Best wishes, QB. It'll be odd being on your own for a while but things will work out in the long run.

You've done the right thing Queen, this would have got more and more difficult the longer the relationship dragged on, with you wanting one thing and him another.

With every month and year that ticked by, it would be more difficult for you to leave because of the 'sunk costs fallacy'. You'd think "I can't just walk away with nothing, I've invested 5/8/10 years in this relationship".

It'll be alright in the end

Thank you all of you. Yes Amarok, I would really kick myself if I'd got to 40 and couldn't have children and didn't have them because of him, and then we possibly break up anyway and I've given up what I wanted

It sucks being an adult sometimes and having to make these decisions