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Original poster

Friend sh*gging married men

54 replies

georgethecat · 11/08/2016 19:46

A friend goes to weekend themed gatherings/festivals.

She has returned laughing about having ONS with a married guy a couple of weeks ago and then last week a different guy. In both cases their wives were at home looking after the kids.

I have a childhood listening to DM crying regarding DF repeated affairs so I am particularly sensitive about it.

The first week I said - didn't you think about his wife? She stated his marriage wasn't her responsibility.

Second week, second guy - I'm more fucked off. She justified it by saying that she asked him if he wanted to change his mind. He didn't but 'bless him' felt guilty the next day. She says I will feel differently about sex when I get older(!)

Yes these guys are twats, goes without saying but I'm raging at her for her attitude towards these women.

I was supposed to see her today & I just can't

OP posts:
Justaboy · 11/08/2016 22:12

Can someone explain to me why women sometimes go for married men? I'd have thought hat they'd be more then enough single ones around after most all the OLD threads complain that that once they have DID then the man sods off and leaves them so if its a casual shag expect they'd be plenty of err, fish in the sea or online ones;!

So what's the reason why she picks on married ones it it to hurt the poor wife or something else ?.

Whatfeck · 11/08/2016 22:14

I had a friend like this too.
She would promise God knows and get them to leave the wife and then she'd dump them for another married man. She started at 19 doing this thinking it was hilarious.
She said
I can get any man I want and it's more fun with the married ones.
I lost contact years back but I hope karma bit her on the ass for it.

FritzDonovan · 11/08/2016 22:45

Sounds like your friend has the morals of an alley cat, clearly doesn't give a shit about what you think of it, rather insensitively. Best rid of her, I think.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2016 22:55

What about responsibility for yourself ?

Iflyaway · 11/08/2016 22:55

I think it's sad these women whatever their age have to somehow prove to themselves that they can pull a man even if he is married.

Sad and fucked up.

They'll be the ones picking up the pieces of their life when the shit hits the fan and should he ever leave his wife for them, they will always be suspicious.
"When a man exchanges his wife for his mistress, he creates a new vacancy".

annandale · 11/08/2016 23:05

I had a massive crush on a married man Justaboy and in my case it was because he was happily married with kids. I left my xh because he was never going to agree to children and literally 24 hours later the crush hit me like a tidal wave. I've still never felt so strongly about anyone else, certainly not either of my husbands Blush Luckily the timing made it obvious that I was just sad and envious, and I never did anything about it. Often as well married men are basically happy and well cared for, making them very attractive.

singleandfabulous · 11/08/2016 23:08

Ive known a few women like this. The readon they gave for going for married men was that they were more attractive than the single ones and generally more of a 'prize' as they had to be stolen from their wives wheras single men are availabke & willing to shag anyone and the assumption is that nobody wants them (similar to single women). Anything difficult to get is prized more highly.

singleandfabulous · 11/08/2016 23:09

I am, for the record, a single woman. I do not shag married men.

Hockeydude · 11/08/2016 23:33

I would dump her. She sounds like a disgusting human being. Ok, the marriage is the responsibility of the person in it. But not shitting on other people, whether we know them or not is the responsibility of all of us. It's called humanity.

NeeNahh · 12/08/2016 01:16

I am not excusing her behavior but perhaps she's lonely and doesn't come across many single men. I think people in longterm relationships don't really understand how it feels to be the only single one surrounded by married people. For her it might be a choice between shagging married men and celibacy.

Summerisgood · 12/08/2016 01:26

Any woman, or man, sleeping knowingly with someone else's husband or wife is selfish, nasty and low. It's even lower to say that 'it's not my problem' or that 'the wife should keep them happy'.

How horrible. I've got great friends, lots of them. Male and female. None of them would ever sleep with someone else's husband.

And yes I've been cheated on, while I had a two month old baby. The other woman couldn't care less. If I ever met her I'd curse her with having the same thing happen to her when she had a baby and see how she felt then.

AnnaMarlowe · 12/08/2016 01:36

It's pretty hard to believe that really was her choice NeeNah but if it was, she should be celibate.

You don't deliberately cause harm to another human being. You don't deliberately help put a child's happiness at risk.

I've dropped two good friends for this in the past.

Both of them could have found single men. Both of them have very sadly ended up alone and childless having wasted years on a charming liar.

Trashbox · 12/08/2016 01:36

There was a thread on here a few months ago: "would you still be with your dp if you didn't have children?"

About 80% of posters said no, they wouldn't be, but because of the kids they stay together....

I think that speaks volumes about this kind of behavior!

AcrossthePond55 · 12/08/2016 02:24

but if I did, their marriages would be their responsibility, not mine.

Looking at sixty as the next big birthday makes you rethink some of the attitudes you had when younger.

Timely I'm on the 'wrong side' of 60 and there are some attitudes that should never change. Sleeping with married men (or women) being dead wrong is one of them. Loyalty to the Sisterhood is another.

MiaowJario · 12/08/2016 03:24

People who are sexually incontinent and/or irresponsible tend not to make good partners nor good friends. Basic lack of respect for other human beings never bodes well.

DadWasHere · 12/08/2016 07:35

I worked for several years in a large company with a woman who acted exactly as the OP described. She was quite pretty, she had single guys at the company interested in her but...nope... had to be the married ones. She was smart enough not to go over the top while on the job, but at social occasions... sheesh. I think she had a preference for the newly married and the longer term married with kids, certainly claimed the scalps of at least two marriages. Less than a year after my wife had our second child she tried her luck with me, and ended up making a full on tits-in-my-face play at a business retreat.

TheNaze73 · 12/08/2016 07:36

If she's getting to you, you need to end your friendship.

pleasethankyouthankyouplease · 12/08/2016 07:46

Another one who had a friend like this. Her behaviour was down to a deep rooted lack of self worth - she needed to think she could get any man she wanted , was better in bed than anyone else, more attractive etc. All bollocks
At 50 something maybe your friend is trying to feel "still" attractive. Particularly in a society that mainly focuses on attractive women being young.,
Saying all that- I'd drop her as a friend. She sounds like she has a total lack of regard for others .

Chinks123 · 12/08/2016 09:44

Justaboy in my friends case it was a huge ego boost, to know that in her words "they've got a girlfriend/wife but need me to satisfy them" Angry I tried to explain to her that just because a married man is showing her attention does not mean she is anything special. I said he will have bills,stress,kids etc and probably argues with the wife, you are a bit of fun and he will go back to her, making him a dick and you a mug. She still believed it was because she was gods gift and obviously 10x better than his wife and that was what excited her. Single men are easy whereas married men are a challenge.

VestalVirgin · 12/08/2016 10:55

I am of the opinion that the men cheating on their wives bear 100% of the responsibility, as clearly, they would cheat anyway, and probably just deceive women about being married if they had to.

However, I couldn't be friends with a person who has sex with serial cheaters and brags about it. It displays a lack of compassion with the cheater's victim, and is also plain stupid. Why associate with a man who has so little respect for his fellow human beings? He's a ticking time bomb and could turn on her any time.

JackandDiane · 12/08/2016 12:48

what VV said

FayaMAMA · 12/08/2016 13:28

You're allowed to be annoyed. Pursuing a married person, whatever gender, is wrong. Sure, if you sleep with them and find out they're married after it's not your fault and there's no need to feel guilty, but if you know before hand - that is not cool.

I had a "thing" with a married man when I was in my late teens. He had two young kids. Thinking back, it was repulsive and he was far FAR too old for me. (I was 17 he was in his late 30s, but I'm not sure exactly how old - he never said). The guy absolutely groomed me, but I still feel guilty. I wonder if he's still with his wife, if she ever had any idea, how his kids are and if they're okay and I wonder how much damage I caused. I would never ever laugh about the fact that I participated (or encouraged) someone to break their vows to their partner. I find myself disgusting for enabling it. The first few times I saw him I didn't know he was married, but I didn't stop after I found out (he fed me the old "she's crazy, the marriage is dead, I'm only staying for the kids" CRAP) I feel so guilty and, frankly, your friend should too.

I can't believe she would still do that even though she's been the one left at home wondering!

MiaowJario · 12/08/2016 13:29

DadWasHere that reminds me of a charity event I attended once. Our company took a table, invited some external people we did a lot of business with as a thank you. One asked if he could bring a colleague as his wife was busy that weekend. Fine we said, thinking he was taking a colleague to introduce them on a professional footing in case we needed to deal with them instead of him in the future.

Not all at. At dessert, she reached both hands into her strapless dress (already very low cut) and lifted both boobs out nipples and all, and 'offered' them to him. They then immediately disappeared returning after coffees, speeches and charity auction concluded.

Everyone was mortified. Someone from the board of the charity had come over to chat over coffee and got an eyeful more than they had bargained for!

IreallyKNOWiamright · 12/08/2016 20:41

The women at dhs work I think have this attitude. The amount of times they have tried to flirt in front of me and if I wasn't there no doubt they would have tried something. He wouldn't do anything but their behaviour for 50 shocks me. I would back off the friendship start hanging out with different friends.

madgingermunchkin · 12/08/2016 22:50

think people in longterm relationships don't really understand how it feels to be the only single one surrounded by married people. For her it might be a choice between shagging married men and celibacy.

I am single, and have been for almost 5 years, I am also the ONLY single one out of all my friends. I sure as shit would take celibacy over shagging married men any day of the week.
How fucking insulting and patronising can you get?

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