Ive messed up my whole life

[messeduptotally]

I was married with kids, husband was 'great' things started to slide as they do after 15 yrs H didn't pay any attention I picked up all the slack he buried his head in the sand, my head was turned and I left him as I thought that was the right thing to do for all of us.

Gave him chances but he didn't seem bothered so I carried on with OM - that was last year. I explicitly asked him to come on holiday with me last year but he refused due to work so I took that as a sign he didn't want to save his marriage. I also spent NYE with him and friends and again he didn't seem bothered?! H and I got on OK but he constantly hounded me via text about what had happened and I was trying to buy a house so I divorced him (this year) still no real objection just about who pays.

So I try to give it a go with OM since NYE - I buy a house and we were due to move in together but things aren't right with him so last week I ended it.
H had just started seeing some 25 yr old at work and although he said he loved me on the phone last week he has completely cut me off...I'm devastated.

I've begged for him to come on holiday with me and the kids again but he's refused, I know you are all going to say it was my fault because that's exactly what H says but I just don't understand why he's been hounding me for so long, tells me he loves me and slams the door shut in my face, I'm heartbroken I honestly thought we would find a way of being together.

He says he wants to be friends and I've invited I'm round for his tea tomorrow night?!! WTF

I keep messaging him and hounding him like he did me, Im in such a state atm, and I know its all I deserve..

I don't understand why you felt you would always find a way when you went to the trouble of moving out, buying a house and divorcing him . That sounds pretty final to me.

I think you're right that you're scared to be single. You have only just ended it with om so give yourself time to adjust and stop contacting your Exh. And don't panic.

OP, good luck going forward, but I also think you need to shift your perspective about your exH.

You say that when he wouldn't go on holiday with you, you assumed he didn't want to save his marriage...but you were seeing another man! You said you 'gave him chances' he didn't take, but you'd already left him because your 'head was turned'.

Can you honestly not see how painful a holiday with you would have been to your exH, who still loved you? Or why he didn't realize you wanted to save your marriage? You'd already left. You were shagging another man. If you were trying to communicate that you still cared, think about how difficult it would have been for him to see that when he saw your actions.

Second the posters who say to leave your H alone beyond working out civilised contact for the children. Give yourself time to calm down.

You cheated and then wanted him to come on holiday with you while you kept the OM on the back burner in case your DH didn't fight for you so you then stayed with the OM?.

I think you treated both of them appallingly. Did the OM know you were hedging your bets and then settled for him as a consolation prize?.

And all because your DH wasn't giving you enough attention? Or not making enough effort in your marriage ? Which is incidentally the reason given by most male cheaters for why they've destroyed a family. And they're ripped to shreds and called all sorts of names on here. If you're unhappy and your efforts to sort a relationship out haven't worked - end it. It's acceptable. Don't sneak around shagging someone else to meet your needs and damage your partner in the process.

Yes you've fucked up but there's no point in torturing yourself over it. Be single - learn what that is like and don't get into another relationship until you know you can commit and not have your head 'turned'.

I think it's a case of wanting what you can't have. Now he's found a younger woman, your pride is hurt you feel low.

Did he tell you how old she was? I'm not sure why he did if that's the case. Maybe trying to prove a point.

Average men can get a younger woman very easily. My friend split with her DH and he started dating a 28 year old and he's 51.