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Original poster

Men who lie about their relationship with ex wife...has this ever happened to you?

80 replies

Halfwayoranges · 08/08/2016 20:21

My exdp told me he hadn't had sex with his wife for 4 years before they spilt.

3 years later I find it's not true... He gave me his old phone when mine broke and there were MANY sexual messages between him and exwife up until the week before they split.

I ended it based on that because I couldn't accept why he'd lie about it and he didn't give me a reason.

Anyone else experienced similar? Do men really lie about this stuff?!

OP posts:
SusieQwhereareyou · 09/08/2016 20:12

My exDH and I rarely slept in the same bed, and never had sex for the last 5 years of our marriage, so if he tells his new gf that, it is absolutely true. It's not always bullshit. There are plenty of women in here in the same situation I was.

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 20:46

That must have been so hard for you Susie, I understand there are genuine separations that are like this, but there are also people out there that claim to be separated but are living together having relations going into relationships and being dishonest , as a poster said earlier in the thread.

TheEmmaDilemma · 09/08/2016 21:06

Yes, they lie.

My exh still messages me, missing our relationship.

The stripper he fucked is pregnant with their second child.

TheEmmaDilemma · 09/08/2016 21:09

NB. She didn't know he was still sleeping with me the whole time he was having an affair. I can imagine the story he fed her...

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 21:13

Lordy...we have a lot in common Emma...x

cheapskatemum · 09/08/2016 21:52

I met STBXH whilst we were both working abroad. He told me he was separated, that they'd only had sex the last time he was on leave because he'd been away 3 months and she was desperate for it. She fell pregnant and had their child 9 months after we met. She was "unhinged", adopted, may have been psychological illnesses in her birth family. She wrote a letter to me accusing me of stealing other women's husbands - STBXH explained that it was because she's a Catholic and didn't want a divorce. Many years later, when I met her, she dropped a couple of things into our conversation that told me he went back to family life with her and their 2 kids whenever he had home leave. In those days it would have been impossible to check this out though - even if I'd thought of trying - which I didn't because I never suspected it. I was that young, naive OW!

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 22:03

We have all been there Cheap...I didn't know my xh had a criminal record for previous sexual assault/ violence and harassment ...found this out 3 years ago after 16 years of marriage (20 years together) the lies so people tell the mind boggles.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/08/2016 22:09

OW's mother put it about that I'd had affairs. Angry
I've no idea whether that was a lie XH put about to cover up his own lack of fidelity, or whether it was her invention to cover up the dirty laundry.
Either way, people lie to put themself in a good light.

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 22:20

xh has told so many lies not just to ow but his work colleagues, our neighbours who all know different he has no idea I know that he told one ow that I put the dc into care and the reason he cannot see them is because they are being adopted and was in rehab !! no mention of this because of his DV /EA ..... I do not drink / smoke or take drugs
It is all to save face ...

Lilacpink40 · 09/08/2016 22:21

Another yes. I'm sure my STBXH didn't tell OW that we were still having sex. I found out they'd been in hotel a few days before last time we DTD so think he was with us both for a few months as you don't book a hotel when OW has a house unless you're treating her. The little shit took her to our 'special' hotel too. No imagination.

I can see through online info that she's fairly normal so think he's lied lots. It will come up in future if they last!

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 22:28

I do hope so Lilac, that must have hurt your special hotel x this ow is one of quite a few but seems to be sticking around unlike the others for whatever reason, she has no idea what she is dealing with , hope she finds out before it's too late

SandyY2K · 09/08/2016 22:46

I'd say the best thing is to steer clear of married men, seperated or not. Then you don't have to wonder if he's telling the truth about an uncaring, psycho wife, who is like a room are

It's naive to take what he says at face value, especially if you are never introduced to friends /family or openly go out in public.

I know some OW are introduced to family and the wife later finds out. I can only say it's no suprise a husband would do such, if his mother has no issue entertaining an OW, additional betraying her DIL.

FreeFromHarm · 09/08/2016 22:50

Very wise words Sandy

ravenmum · 10/08/2016 11:44

you don't book a hotel when OW has a house unless you're treating her ... or unless she is married too.

Lilacpink40 · 10/08/2016 14:55

In my case she wasn't married. She can't have kids so my ex ticks both boxes as he's a man-child. I know she's got some horrible physical stuff coming up. I'm sure she wouldn't listen to me, but in longterm I'd be honest if she contacts me.

HostaFireandIce · 10/08/2016 15:03

has sex with his wife definitely on Sunday mornings and some other times
I'm wondering why you're so sure about the Sunday mornings!

FreeFromHarm · 10/08/2016 15:51

I know ow would not listen to me either , and she is in for some shocking behaviour from xh , doesn't it worry you Lilac ? , her safeguarding, it worries me sick, I hope she sees the redflags and contacts me somehow

Lilacpink40 · 10/08/2016 19:31

My ex is such a manipulator. Plays the little innocent child well. Insidious coercion was his strength to get me to go along with him and he left me feeling a guilty failure. TBH if I broke up their relationship he could focus back on me. So part of me wants them to continue for months, I need the normality. I think it would take that long for him to start to show his true colours. It built up over years for me. Slowly so I doubted myself.

He only sees DCs for fun days out, but if they reported back strange comments in the future made to OW I would get in contact.

Lilacpink40 · 10/08/2016 19:32

It's interesting that my ex's OW is relatively new to area, no family and few friends. Easier to control.

FreeFromHarm · 10/08/2016 19:42

Help !!!

SandyY2K · 10/08/2016 19:49

I think if I was in a DV/abusive marriage and he ended up with another woman, I'd try and let her know. That's if he was really violent, but if it was an OW who got with him knowing he was married, then I'd let her get on with it.

Other women's husbands are just that and if you have an affair, then you deal with the consequences.

FreeFromHarm · 10/08/2016 19:52

my xh is violent/abusive he has total control of her, I do not know what to do ... driving me insane , she has moved in and has no idea, I am hundreds of miles away, he guards her today he has threatened me, the house is on the market no lawyers letters being answered , police/ ss aware

Amythest001 · 10/08/2016 20:39

I sent his wife an email telling her what he did and she sent me one back telling me to do one!
If she came to me about him in the future I would talk to her.
He knows I kept all the letters and suicide notes he sent me admitting it all so he can accuse me of lying as much as he wants!!x

FreeFromHarm · 10/08/2016 20:46

I have all the evidence , I do not know who she is or her name, don't care if she tells me to sling my hook, she will find out soon enough I am telling the truth.
I have suicide texts and messengers from ow that confirm he is a liar.
I do not care about him, just do not want another human being to go through what we have. x

FreeFromHarm · 10/08/2016 20:48

i do not mean ow any harm, it is life threatening that is how important it is for me to contact her