If I wasn't in a sexless marriage with him I would think DH is amazing.
My parents, sisters and friends adore him and how he takes such good care of us.
We live in his home country and we have 2 DC, one 8 and one 2.
I am a SAHM and he does more than half of housework, I get a lie in every second day, I get to go to evening activities twice a week and encouraged to go out whenever I like.
We're not rolling in money but he recently got a bit of inheritance from an aunt. He wants to spend half on the mortgage and the rest towards my going back to college and finishing my degree - dropped out of college years ago due to mental health issues and he knows it's one of my biggest regrets.
He is lovely to my family, genuinely likes them and would do anything for them.
He's truly a great father, all his time is spent on me or the kids, building cubby house with them, reading, playing, volunteering at their school.
But, we're never intimate. We've had sex 5 times in the last 2 years since our youngest was born and before that it wasn't any better. Apart from the first 3 months of our relationship, we'd be lucky to average once every 6 weeks. I'm only 33, he's 40. I can't go on living in forced celibacy. I've talked and talked to him about it over the last ten years and he's said he'll go to the doctors but he hasn't. He now tells me he's always had low libido but the first few years he said there was nothing wrong, making me feel it was me.
I get so sad when I see genuine affection in other couples and so jealous when I hear of their healthy sex lives.
I keep fit and relatively attractive and have a healthy sex drive and I'm heartbroken thinking I'll never be wanted or kissed or have passionate sex again in my life - because of his choice to not bother go to the doctors.
In my soul I know I have to leave, we're mismatched in an essential part and it won't get better but my question is this (after all that)
Would it be terrible to stay until my degree is finished and I'm in a job earning enough to give my kids an equal life to what they have now?
I'm not a citizen and if I left now, I couldn't finish my degree (wouldn't be eligible for student loan)
I feel guilty & selfish thinking this way but other times I get quite angry at his selfishness - he loves the way our life is and being sexless suits him, he can see how upset it makes me and only says he'll change when he sees I'm at the end of my tether, then 2 months later it's back to how it was. I feel tricked