Dumped out of the blue, 2 year old kid

[seefeld]

This evening my boyfriend of 3.5 years told me he didn't feel like there is any future for us and wants to break up. We have a two year old DS and I moved country to be with him.
I have had no prior warning that the break up was imminent and I just don't know what to do next. He said he had been thinking things through for months but I had no idea. What to do next? He doesn't give any reason othe than we "have no future" together. I guess I can't argue but I do think "why didn't you talk to me before?" What now? I can't believe he has blind sided me like this. I thought we were happy

Thanks again for the advice. I feel so much better equipped now!

I have arranged to meet him tomorrow evening to discuss what's happened. I want to talk about the relationship rather than planning for the future tomorrow. I won't enter discussions about custody etc until I know where I stand legally. I think it's very sad what he's done but I won't be a pushover.

Good luck Op.

I ended up cancelling my meeting with him as I realised that it was unlikely to achieve anything. I have since arranged a counseling session for the two of us but thinking about it I don't think that will achieve anything either. The relationship is over and I need to move on from it.

My ex is very keen to see our son every day after work - exactly how it used to be when we were together - so doing bath and bedtime story. He also told me tonight that he wants to start having him at weekends too for overnight stays.

Do any of you know how I should be handling this? I don't want DS to suffer by not seeing daddy but I'm wary of setting a precedent by agreeing to so much access. It's also distressing for me to see him every bloody day! I got in touch with a lawyer today but unfortunately she's on holiday so will have to try others tomorrow. I suspect that my ex is seeing a lawyer next week as he has told me he can't see our son one njght as he has a highly unlikely sounding work event.

Every day is not healthy for you emotionally. You need to arrange something that works better.

Try 3 nights a week of him coming over and alternate weekends.

Don't let him have every weekend because you will never get the fun time with your son. And it is probably better not to have him coming around to your house to look after your son.

I agree with PPs ^^. What he wants grants him entirely too much access into what will be your home. Yours and DS's. That's not healthy for either of you and may give your stbx a feeling of 'ownership' over your space since he'd been there literally every day. Just the fact that he expects to have run of your house speaks volumes.

I also agree not every weekend. You deserve some 'down time' with DS, too. Not just the hectic workaday weekdays.

Perhaps alternate weekends, alternate holidays, and one or two weeknights with specified times, especially the time for him to leave. You don't want him hanging out til midnight.

Well, I have done some further prying and it turns out he's flirting with a much younger woman who was at a wedding we were at together recently. The original message he sent to her has been deleted but in her reply she has asked "is she making big trouble?" They've now moved on to talking about an event she was at the other night where she had to "dress sexy" and he's asked to see the photos... So it looks like he has either cheated already or is lining her up for something later! So I guess this is following the script I have read before on here.

We were at the wedding with our son. What on earth could this girl be thinking?!!

No access in your home. If he wants to see DS he collects him and takes him out. Not your problem where. 3 evenings a week seems reasonable.

Every other weekend as otherwise he gets to do all the fun stuff.

Don't worry about the OW - just shows what a farce any counselling would have been!

It's time to 'build a wall and make HIM pay for it'!

Please see a solicitor ASAP.