How do I communicate with dh to stop trying to wake me up for sex

[EveOnline2016]

I am not well atm. On antibiotics for a nasty infection as well as zapain for the pain of said infection.

Dh is working nights and gets in around 6:20 am and comes to bed while I'm sleeping and starts fondling and asking for sex.

It's getting on my nerves as finally after 10 years ds is sleeping longer and it means I can.

Wtf is he playing at.

[Shizzlestix]

I think a serious sit down outside of the bedroom and a proper discussion re assault. Do you have a spare room? Because I'd be using it. And putting on a lock.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

You're on antibiotics. Well they certainly don't put you on them for the fun of it. Your DH is being massively unfair waking you up for sex. Pestering for sex and not accepting "No" for an answer. There's a word for that!!!!.
Now I enjoy a good hard shag as much as the next person, but. If my dp dared poked and prodded me while I was sick, to get his leg over. I'd eat him alive

[AcrossthePond55]

Perhaps next time he tries it on rear up in bed, get very close to his face, make your best 'angry face' and shout "I said NO!!!" right in his mug.

It's fucking bollocks that there's so much 'No means yes, she's just being coy" crap in the media today.

[RockinHippy]

Err - stop being a wanker & fuck off & leave me alone you, I'm ill, you selfish inconsiderate arse" should do it

[CoolioAndTheGang]

I would just growl at him, turn over and huffily go back to sleep. I'm not a person and Dh knows better than to poke the bear wake me up

[EveOnline2016]

Last night I opened his eyes.

I said to him that if this was a random in the street would you do it, his answer was no. Then my reply was so a random person in the street gets more respect off you than me. I told him in a very clear tone that if it happens again then I would be leaving the relationship.

He thought it was OTT and I said no I couldn't be with someone who showed so little respect towards me.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

Ltb

Seriously, he has a fundamental lack of respect.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

He thinks it's OTT. So basically he thinks you're being fussy and silly for having boundaries minding.



I'm not a violent person but the knee in the balls if he tries this again is starting to sound very reasonable!

[Lweji]

Well done you. You are definitely not OTT. It could easily get worse if you don't establish boundaries now.
Will you actually leave if he does it again?
If you don't, he'll just keep doing it.

But beware of ever becoming dependent on such a man. He looks like he'll trample all over your boundaries.

[notapizzaeater]

Is he normally respectful ?

If I said no, then my DH wouldn't try and grope me.


He won't implode if he doesn't have sex all the time

[CherryPicking]

Explain to him what consent is, then inform him that if he doesn't respect this principle you'll ltb.

[Wolfiefan]

I would tell him to fuck off after the first time. Separate beds.
Is he always so completely happy to ignore your wishes or trample on your boundaries?

[eloelo]

Tell him a clear no. If he is caring on he is acting without your consent. And that would be abuse.

[microferret]

Well done OP. Hope he listens to you.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

The 5 minute intervals just boils my bacon.

Sexual predator snooze alarm.

Glad you spoke with him, but I suspect this isn't the last we hear about it.

[pointythings]

I hope he will now take you seriously, but the fact that he says you were OTT doesn't bode well. Me, I'd be applying heel to groin, sharpish. And then say 'Oh, sorry, I was asleep'.

[Cleavergreene]

I think most of you guys really struggle to negotiate the challenges of a relationship. having said that the husbands behaviour is totally unacceptable. The response needs to be proportional and measured.

A relationship needs to be fundementally nurtured. From both parties. It looks like this is the failing in this case. The behaviour occurring is simply a symptom of that.

So, what to do? Talk. In daylight or at night. No children. Not in bed. If he doesn't get it. The relationship is doomed.

Cleaver Greene

[SleepFreeZone]

That tea video is brilliant!

[SandyY2K]

I told him in a very clear tone that if it happens again then I would be leaving the relationship.

Be prepared to follow through on this or your word will have no meaning and seem like an empty threat/promise.

He can't say he wasn't warned.

[665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast]

cleaver may I. ?

[MephistoMarley]

Cleaver - he's sexually assaulting her. Should he have to be told not to do that? Not sexually assaulting people is a basic facet of a normal human being, no?

[AcrossthePond55]

Cleaver She's told him to not do that, more than once. He basically ignored her. He obviously isn't the 'nurturing' type.

Sometimes talking works. Sometimes you just have to shout.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

How DID Mumsnet manage before the likes of Cleaver Greene, trolled up..

[GinAndSonic]

My boyfriend has a lower sex drive than me. Sometimes I go for a cuddle stroke his tummy in bed and he goes "not tonight Gin, sorry" and I stop touching him and go to sleep. I don't huff it or try my luck again five minutes later because I'm not a fucking prick. Your husband is a fucking prick.

[StirredNotShaken]

My dh used to do this - i found it repulsed me in the end. It would be 2am, 3am...whenever he felt like it. It was like he assumed it was my duty and that if I refused he would take it as a 'rejection' He was vile in that respect. I had pillows wrenched form under my head to wake me or banged over my head to alert me. I would be unresponsive and uncooperative and he would still continue. It was disgusting and I hated him for it. Don't get like I did...Tell him, in no uncertain terms, to fuck the hell off.