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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it possible to get the feeling back?

34 replies

IndieTara · 31/07/2016 17:02

Pretty new to this so hopefully I wont make any MN etiquette mistakes.
DP and I have been together 2.5 years and engaged for the last 8 mths. He really loves me and my DD and would do anything for us.
I am currently feeling very shallow and guilty that the fact he is lovely doesnt seem to be enough.
I am squeamish about certain things and unfortunately some of the things he does really gross me out. Its something we have spoken about more than once in the past but nothing really changes. We are currently abroad on our first holiday together at a relatives house ( with them ) and things have been difficult because of his personal habits. I can feel any desire I had for him draining away, but arent I just supposed to accept who he is?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2016 17:10

No. You're not. You've been together no time at all and you actively dislike him
why on earth do you think you need to stay with him

Original poster
IndieTara · 31/07/2016 17:17

Stealth I suppose I'm asking should I be more tolerant as he is lovely in many other ways.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/07/2016 17:24

No, you are not supposed to blithely accept who he is. If you did those things you do not further allude to would he be so forgiving or tolerant?.

If you have talked about things and nothing really changes then he does not want to properly listen to what you are saying. It shows an overall lack of respect towards you.

Do not stay with him out of some warped sense of obligation, if its not right then its not right.

Is he your DDs father?. Would you want her as an adult to be with someone like you describe?

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Original poster
IndieTara · 31/07/2016 17:52

Attila he is very accepting of me however I dont do the things he does! He is not her father, her father is my ex DH and gives me a lot of crap, i just want a peaceful life.
What do i get from the relationship? DP tries to be very supportive as he has been in similar circumstances in the past

OP posts:
LewisAndClark · 31/07/2016 17:56

What kind of things does he do?

Original poster
IndieTara · 31/07/2016 18:19

He gets adult acne which I have no problem with but picks his face and flicks bits onto my sofa and carpet, he also has very dry skin on his feet which he also picks and leaves a trail of skin when barefoot. Ive had to insist on separate beds as his snoring his so awful and he scratches incessantly in bed. His teeth are horrible, he cleans them but they are black at the roots and last week i found out he has false teeth too. Unfortunately i am most squeamish about bad teeth and am having great difficulty getting past it. I have been telling myself to calm down for the past few months but its getting no easier.

OP posts:
Girlsthatdance · 31/07/2016 18:23

That is pretty gross op and I couldn't see past that for anyone. It doesn't sound as if you even like him. He might be a decent enough guy but he's not doing it for you is he? Even if he stopped picking his spots I don't think you really would want to be with him.

Fishcake72 · 31/07/2016 18:26

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew. No matter how 'nice' he is, he sounds minging poor bloke. Some things are just deal breakers.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 31/07/2016 18:26

Yuck. That's utterly disgusting. No wonder you don't fancy him anymore. Did you ever? Has he got worse recently?

AnyFucker · 31/07/2016 18:33

Yuck. I couldn't see this creature as a sexual partner and I am not surprised that you can't either.

Original poster
IndieTara · 31/07/2016 18:38

We had great chemistry until prob 3-4 mths ago . I'm not sure if the 'honeymoon period ' just wore off so I see things differently now or if he just got more comfortable and lapsed a bit. Maybe a bit of both?
Either way I'm stuck on holiday not feeling i can say anything until we get home but of course he knows somethings not right.

OP posts:
bomfunk · 31/07/2016 18:51

After 2.5 years you should still be in the phase of forgiving any bad habit! It's tail end of honeymoon. From your op, you don't sound convinced - listen to your gut instinct. If he's not right for you, end it. It'll be hard at first, but you will adjust Flowers

bomfunk · 31/07/2016 18:52

Think, if you're grossed out now - how will you feel in 5 or 10 years time?!

Original poster
IndieTara · 31/07/2016 21:32

Thanks all i think you are right.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 31/07/2016 21:34

That's all fucking disgusting sorry.

JennyHolzersGhost · 31/07/2016 22:12

It's ok to go off someone, OP Smile

johnben56 · 31/07/2016 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 31/07/2016 23:57

Light and Solutions, gosh.

You could try that OP.

Or ... you could just run, very, very fast.

Shall we take a vote?

Original poster
IndieTara · 01/08/2016 08:35

Lol no vote required Bewitched

OP posts:
Girlsthatdance · 01/08/2016 08:37

Is he not aware of how repulsive his behaviour is? Where is his respect? No one is going to put up with that.

adora1 · 01/08/2016 14:28

Jesus, who would put up with that, that is vile.

Original poster
IndieTara · 01/08/2016 20:11

Well we have consciously uncoupled

OP posts:
JTK90 · 01/08/2016 20:11

I'm in the same position. It's like I've just woken up and suddenly I'm not attracted to my OH anymore. This has never happened to me before and it's worrying!

AnyFucker · 01/08/2016 21:16

Good move, Tara

JennyHolzersGhost · 01/08/2016 22:26

Well done Tara and good luck to you.