I've posted before about my H of six months. Things haven't gone as hoped. I have 2DC who love him to bits.
We have some key issues and I try to address them but in truth they are his issues - drinking and porn/not wanting sex.
And we argue about it.
Or I try to address and he ignores emails or says he won't talk.
Sometimes he does talk.
He says I am pushing and pushing and not leaving it alone and that the curent problems are down to me.
I am at the end now and have said so, but cowardice and low self esteem mean I find it so hard to just stick to it and "be the bad guy" and all his friends hating me and so on. And only married in Jan!
I know it's pathetic.
He's cried and asked me to go to Relate. We have an appontment this week.
I've confided in a couple of friends and they say go so that he can't say you didn't try.
I think I am looking for his agreement to end it 
Anyway we've had a discussion again this morning and he doesn't, to me, appear to be taking responsibility and I have drafted this - shall I send it??
Dear Mr42,
Before we moved in together, we agreed that one or two nights a week with no booze to be together was what we'd do so that we could strengthen our relationship and also it might help the sex life.
We agreed drinking in front of the boys to be kept to maybe once a week at pub tea etc. These two seemed to be OK for a while but since our wedding they haven't happened.
You also said you wanted to drink less and you've done that and although it is at a level very damaging for your health , I know you have made a lot of effort with the intake.
On many but not all dry nights (when it's not an early shift so in bed at 8) you tell me you feel anxious and you appear down.
Dry nights have diminished since wedding.
These are facts.
In discussion/argument you make excuses or seem to try to get away from the facts saying for example: "Well if I do a dry night you tell me I'm fucking miserable " as if I am being unreasonable, when it is a fact, you DO look miserable and you say yourself that you're anxious. I have never said that to you at the time, just tried to distract you or be there for you.
You also said you don't do dry nights because I am not supportive, but even if that were true, it's another excuse.
You feel there's "nothing you can say" to make me happy, implying that I have unilaterally decided on the above and demanded that you stick to it.
What we agreed hasn't panned out.
IMHO this is because you have an alcohol problem which persists despite your success in reducing your unit intake.
You appear compelled to put drinking before your health, our relationship and the commitment you made to be a parent to the boys.
Not always, but too much of the time.
You say you're trying but you won't get help.
The nasty words when you're drunk and the accusing me of lying to hurt your feelings and then lying to cover it up - you are saying is my fault. You slagged me off in my own house when the boys could hear some of it. Not OK.
You said you would book a counselling appointment. Now you won't, and it seems you weren't going to tell me that.
You're also now saying the no sex is my fault for being sad and "the atmosphere". That might be true now, as we have the impasse as described above.
But, from the start of our relationship you've been reluctant and say that you have not been able to think of why, saying you do want a sex life, even if your actions say something different - you have turned down kisses and my initiating sex a lot of times.
I think you prefer going solo and aren't admitting it.
We have slept in separate rooms from just a few weeks after we married - with a reason, but one that's not been investigated. I miss you and want to sleep curled up with you but given that you don't come in to me (apart from a couple of times) or work on the snoring, it appears that you're OK with the separate rooms. I have tried to come in to you but as I told you when we moved the rooms, it is hard for me to do that because I get rejected.
Last time I came in for a cuddle you actually pushed me out.
Well it is not words but change in behaviour that is needed.
I have tried and tried and tried, to talk, to not talk and give you time (which you have thanked me for, but now is forgotten) to email to give you chance to think.
I sometimes ask you to delay drinking for a while and it's a "no".
I got a book for us to read you didn't.
You said you'd plan the dry nights and other things the counsellor you went to once suggested but you haven't.
I've tried initiating intimacy and not initiating, I've tried underwear and waiting for the right moment. I've tried to understand about you liking it only when showered...I've masturbated you cos you like it even though that doesn't include me.
I have grown sadder and sometimes cross and then the problems have been blamed on me as if it'd all go away if I were nicer.
I thought I was nice and that you thought I was nice.
I am now uncomfortable around you because you're angry and blaming me.
If you do feel I am unreasonable and unpleasant I would question why you married me?
I am fucking fed up. There's promises been broken and I am now suffering acute anxiety I think, unless my arms and legs are really broken.
I am always ready to try and to take on 50% responsibility, are you? As that would look like going for help, planning the dry nights etc....
My expectations are - what we agreed about drinking or at least you getting help towards it, being treated with respect not nasty words or accused of things and a loving intimate life with my husband.
Can you be clear about what you want and what you're going to do about it?
If the answer is "nothing more" could you be honest about that?
You can have expectations of me/the relationship as well.
If these expectations of mine aren't acceptable and aren't going to happen, YOU SHOULD SAY SO.
If you still want to go to counselling we can do and that's partly why I've set this out here to help me be clear about my point of view.
If you choose not to reply again, I will assume you don't want to go into all this anymore at all