Solutions to 10 yrs of negotiations

[newshoes68]

My financial divorce settlement has never been sorted .
Mediation was halted due to my ex not providing disclosure and telling the truth.

10 yrs later: I've been in the marital home paying all the bills, kids, sch fees, house maintaince . Everything , my ex pays nothing to me at all. I'm feeling trapped!!

House prices have since increased by £300k in this time ( house valued this wk) and my ex says he wants 50% . Even though it seems a fortune it is relative to the
Location in the country . My children are in the final years of high sch and relocating is not an option .

I run a business from home , my client base is 5 Mile radius and need the floor space to carry on my business , as smaller house would reduce my income by 50 % .

There is no pension pots . My ex has had all the savings, endowments ( owns a second property , which he rcvd a small rental income from which is 200 miles away )

I cannot get a mortgage as I'm self employed and my net income is low.

My new partner of 5 yrs is willing to sell his house to by out my ex but my ex is will not accept that as s solution .

I'm going to start a 2nd lot of mediation on my own, and frightened the whole thing is going to financially get out of hand and cost £££££
Please help-
Has anyone experience settlement or have any further solutions ??

I'm surprised at how strong I have been and for how long . I would normally back down on everything . But I feel so strongly on this .
My kids would have FA if it was left to him,

think part of it is that all the time I pay the mortgage I keep his assest safe and secure, as he can make a positive decision and would blow all the money on crap! And have nothing to show for it.
He's 60 - I'm 50 he has no pension or saving of what I know off . He has a flat that's rented blur to far a location for us to benefit from . I Have done 26years of misery with this AH.

Mine - how come the court cost was so reasonable £800??

Mine - what is YY PP?

Coffee - where can I find out more about NPD on MN ??

Yes, yes to previous posters! Sorry to use the abbreviations.
The cost was five hours of my solicitor's time (the case went on nearly all day with my solicitor and his solicitor talking and than coming back to speak to each of us, and there was a bit of toing and froing in front of the judge who was unimpressed but ultimately agreed with me).
It had got to the point where I couldn't discuss it with him (he had threatened to stop maintenance and I have two dcs), so I basically told him 'I'll see you in court then' - and I did.

The media portray divorced wives as money grabbing - FFS - people don't realise the chances and options we put forward , trying to negotiate , to prevent these things from going to court.
At the end of the day it looks like it going to cost me £50,000- I will feel guilty about that for the rest of my life , as that money could of been used for a deposit for my kids when they leave home.

Does he have a pension? Don't forget pension sharing.

Mine - thx for the further comments .

His pension is worth £6k
Just found out I have a dormant pension from 1992 now worth £25k . Not sure where that came from :-)))

Sorry, missed the bit where you said he had no pension!

To add - you have children, so demonstrate to the court that you are acting in their interests (continuing to live in family home, stability in schooling, retaining friendships made, etc).
Arm yourself with property values that go back to the time you split and make sure you demonstrate that you have paid all costs since, so therefore he is entitled to no increase in value since that time.
By the way, if you are receiving tax credits, many mortgage companies will take them into consideration if you want to transfer the mortgage (and deeds of course) into your sole name.
Mine did - all that happened was I continued under the same terms as before.
Ultimately, it is a risk to go to court for settlement, but you have many advantages on your side, so don't be afraid to do it (but obvs do see a solicitor) - this is not just for you, but your children too.

So, he'll go for your pension too. I just think SHL ASAP.

Can I hide this pension?? .
Found old paper work this year( in suit case- ) - applied to L&G for Info on this pension fund acc. Had full valuation last month. - nice surprise
He doesn't know about it - neither did I till 4 wks ago !!

Thx you all , for your help and advice this evening . Cheers x

I've stuck last lot of sch fees on credit card . And I owe tax credit ££££ to over payments .
Would this be considered ? Shall I keep on sticking sch fees on CC??

Good point on rental income - never thought I would be entitled to a % of that .

My partner said he could pay sch fees and put charge on house???

He's in rented £900 mth .
I'm paying mortgage £106 mth can he claim the difference off me ??

Is it worth sticking more on credit card to build up debt in my favoure??

Fidelia - thx for thanking the time help.

Narcs love the drama and the idea of winning/screwing you over. Do not engage with him as far as you can. Do not react to anything he says - he is trying to get an emotional reaction from you. To everything he says just say "Thank you - I'll pass that on to my solicitor". Get a shit hot solicitor - a real bulldog - and get the narc out of your life as far as you possibly can. They are poison.

Thx for the new comments and feed back - I've known this man for 26yrs - feel I know nothing about him!!

Fidelia - I like your style - thx