I'm going to end my marriage. Please help.

[EElisavetaOfBelsornia]

I need to tell my husband I want to divorce. He's been violent previously though not for about two years when he stopped drinking after punching me. He's still abusive though, shouty and unreasonable. Last night I went out with a friend, only second night out this year, H accused me of having an affair, and said he intends to start drinking again.
We have a 6 and 3 year old, and a shared mortgage, joint account. I could afford to live here alone but not to buy him out. Property prices are really high here so we would get a good sum if we sold but I would struggle to find something else near DCs' school. I also don't know how I would manage childcare alone.
Can I make H move out? I am quite scared of how he will be when I tell him. I need to do this, for myself and DCs. I have had panic attacks in the past and I'm trying to hold it together just now but I feel really alone. Anyone got any advice or able to hold my hand?

Hi op. I'm going through similar and like the others on here have had the adoring, devastated crap from STBX. It soon melts away when you stay strong! The hardest thing is maintaining momentum I've found as he invalidates every step I take by ignoring. I've presented D papers and he's still saying he wants to 'save the family' ie that he destroyed with his years of abuse. They seem to read from same script don't they op! Stay strong, keep posting.

That's interesting Cola and something I'm trying to keep in mind, as I suspect my H will go the same way sooner or later.

I'm normally very empathetic but my emotions at the moment are relief at being out and ambivalence towards him, which is very alien to me and makes everything seem a bit surreal atm.

I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to post here any more, I'm fairly sure H is checking MN to see what I'm doing so it isn't safe for me any more. I'm really grateful for your support and when I get through this I will come back and check in. Keep rooting for me

Sorry he's being a FW. You could name change (pity as that's such a great name), post somewhere more private, or just read all the advice in general on posts here. Most of it will apply to you.
WA, SHL, tell RL people etc.

Good luck and KOKO!

Sorry he's removing this element of support from you. Stay strong & all the best! You're doing the right thing for you & your DC.

Thank you

WA - womens aid
What does SHL and KOKO mean??

Shit Hot Lawyer

Keep On Keeping On

*EEOB

I'm sorry that you have tolerated another two years of this bastard.

The fact that he's reading the speaks volumes about him.

Change your password & you can still use the PM function.

You need to stay strong this time. Any 'nice' is just nasty with a different face.

See a solicitor, a couple preferably, as soon as you can.

Let your family & friends help, but DO NOT let any of them convince you to 'give it one last try'. You have tried MORE than enough. No matter what he says, he's not going to change. You and your children deserve SO much more.

If he gives you even the slightest worry, then make sure he gets visitation at a contact centre only.

This is going to be HARD, very hard. It's normal to still love them, it's normal to still want it to work...but this is when you have to put your children & your safety first. Pull on those Big Girl Pants and stay strong. You CAN do this 💐

Oh and Ava's DD has it right. Some 11 year olds are very insightful. The 10 year old here constantly amazes me with her thoughts about the world.

🌸WITHOUT CHANGE - THERE ARE NO BUTTERFLIES🌸

Thanks Latte - she really has been incredible.

She knew what was going on unfortunately, and tbh it was her that gave me the strength to leave, which sounds pathetic. It had reached the point where she actually said she would be happier living elsewhere and at that point I knew I was strong enough because I had to leave for her sake.

We're seeing H for the third time today (she won't see him on her own atm). He is desperately miserable and wanting us to get back together which is tough as it's not the reaction I was expecting, but just taking it one day at a time.

All the best to everyone else here that's going through this

Yes good luck everyone. I get regular sweeps of love bomb followed by abuse and attempts to guilt trip. They can't cope with rejection, need to reel us back in so they can prove a point and then kick us into the gutter again. This from personal experience of succumbing to the love bomb years ago.

Ava. Your DD's words will stick with me.

It doesn't sound pathetic at all 💐

Now, you remember what she said 'she would be happier living elsewhere' You have been strong, you've made that happen. YOU feel relieved. Don't let his snivelling fool you. You'd soon be back where you were if you were to get back together and what sort of example would that be for DD?

Be strong. Tell him it's not going to happen.

Good line Cola - i know what you mean...

"I get regular sweeps of love bomb followed by abuse and attempts to guilt trip"

Thank you for posting on my thread! Things are moving forward, I am exchanging contracts on a house and will be moving in around 6 weeks. It's not much farther from DCs' school than where we live now. Lovely mature au pair has been great, she is coming with me and DCs. STBXH is moving about an hour and a half drive away and will have DCs alternate weekends. Things are quite tense between us, there was one incident when I had to involve police. But for about a week now it's been fairly calm, though I still feel that's on a knife edge. Just got to get through this and start building a new normal for my girls. I've been very inspired by Ikeawrappingpaper 's thread, I hope to get to where she is eventually.

Cola and Ava and anyone else in this position, I am holding you in the light too.

Fab news OP! Well done. Once you get into your new house you will feel so much stronger - I know I did.

Thank you Ohno - I keep visualising being there. It's going to be our safe haven.

poster EElisavetaOfBelsornia - do you get keys for your new house next week?
Will be a huge weight off your shoulders then.

I do!! Thank you for remembering me, I'm really touched. Things have been quite volatile at home and I know this is the most risky time. But only 8 more days to go