Hi all
I'm going to try and keep this short but don't want to drip feed.
I have a history of being in abusive relationships and suffering dv and emotional abuse.
I am currently free of this in the physical sense but emotionally I still suffer in the deepest part of my soul with that worthlessness (not sure if thays actually a word) that sense of maybe I deserve to be treated like that. I'm a good mum, I have great friends, I'm good at my job in all those senses I have great self worth and confidence but having ensured 10 years of abuse, dv, and mental torture I just can't shake the feeling that maybe that's what I deserve (i don't voice this to anyone and I hope over time it will pass)
Last night a male friend (not sure if this is relevant) that knows the most basic details said a couple of things to me.
"Your going to take this the wrong way but, I have thought sometimes that maybe you deserved what he did to you"
"I've wanted to crack you one, before now and id NEVER hit a women" (not true btw manh years ago he threatened his then girl friend with a bat)
"Have you thought that maybe you're the problem"
I was very shocked to hear this, he was sobber btw.
Today I'm really tearful and struggling to hold it together (i know that's pathetic) I feel like I've been judged and someone else thinks the same way I do, maybe I did deserve it, maybe I am the problem????
I don't know how else to take what he said?
I don't know if I ever want to speak to him again.
I kind of what to say something to him to change his mind / let him know how much he hurt me, but I'm afraid I'll just come over pathetic.
I feel like everyone is looking at me and juding me as it being my fault (ridiculous because very few people even know I am the last person you would think of as a battered wife)
I feel so alone and like I want to sit in a dark corner and just let the world get on without me.