Hi guys, please bear with.. I appreciate all opinions and really need some input help.
My DF moved in a good few of months ago. I'm pregnant with his child and have three children from a previous relationship.
My ex is a useless shit who doesn't provide a dime for his children. He is on benefits so I can't claim CSA. He does see them once a fortnight. He will have a few extra days in the holidays too. He has always been an arsehole so I can't force him to do something he won't. He sees his children because that is their choice and I know access and money are two separate issues and I don't argue that. He can see them when he wants.. He chooses minimum.
My current partner hates the situation and says I should force him to pay. If anyone could tell me how I would appreciate it. Apart from the my children see my partner as a second dad and he sees and treats them as his own. From disaplining to buying clothes for them. The only problem their is he do does moan that its us doing all the providing while their father doesn't. I get his reasoning but this is a daily argument and he doesn't understand he will never change.
Now we both work.
Me part time my partner full time.
I used to work full time and then childcare became and issue and I had to drop my hours.
Unfortunately now I'm pregnant and have become very ill with a heart condition. It's quite serious and I've had to give up work. Atm I'm on sick leave and then I'll go onto maternity but the doctors tell me I'm probably not going to be able to return.
So that means my wage will have gone completely and only my partner will be able to work.
This far finances have gone like this.
I pay all the bills, rent and food out of my wage a family tax credits.
He pays sky and all the fun bits.
Unfortunately because I can't work anymore the only income I will have is family tax credits and I can't afford to pay all the bills and food out of that.
My partner has said he won't be having a joint bank account and he shouldn't have to pay the bills is their father doesn't. If anything his contribution should be 1/5 of the household because as it stands that is all he is using.
He says ill have to use family tax credits because that's what it's for (I agree) because he isn't working to provide for the family on his own.
Now I understand how he feels.. but I can't have him living here and me struggling to make ends meet if he is willing to put his pride down.
If he wasn't living here I would have to claim a sickness income because of my illness.
I would have help until I'm able to work again and I wouldn't need to struggle. Is everyone following lol?
If I had a choice I would be working full time I've worked all my life and I live that sense of freedom it gives me. But I can’t support four children and a partner on no income.
Now he has said once his child is here he will contribute more. But whats that 2/6 of the family?
I rent a council house so rent isn't expensive.. buy all the other stuff on tope is.
I have explained to him that if he moves out he will have to rent his own 2 bedroom place for him and his unborn child as well as I have to and that will be at least 500 out of his wage gone already.
So he does have it to easy here..
He did agree he said yes I know I will... He then went on saying but I've bought the washer and cooker and things for the baby etc. (I too have bought household items, wardrobes etc and things for the baby) He said he has invested in the house so why should he be the one to move out.
I said we'll because I'm paying for the actual house and the four children that live in it. He doesn't quite understand what my point is. Yet I completely get his.
His answer to that was pay me back for everything I have bought and I will leave, I can't start again with no help.
He is being totally unreasonable and we are supposed to be getting married and having a baby!
Please someone do you have any experience or input? I'm at a loss!!