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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Police welfare visit, is it ex harrassment?

64 replies

buzzpopprince · 25/07/2016 15:11

I'm hoping someone might have some knowledge about this. The Police visited my house on Friday evening, I was away (from the day before to today) and I had a dog-sitter staying. She said they asked for me, said it was a welfare check and when I would be back, they were in plain clothes and had showed a card (though she didnt know what the card was supposed to look like)...I have no idea what this could be, I checked Google and it seems there has to be a reason, so you think someone had a fall, or has been 'missing' or a social services report about children etc
Brief background (and why I'm concerned), earlier this year I was pregnant to what turned out to be a very controlling and abusive man. I got great advice and support on here, and from local Women's Aid...he believed I was still pregnant when I wasn't. He has legal letters sent saying I had to 'prove' I wasn't still pregnant, I did not do this.
in the end, around a month or two ago, he was served a Police harrassment warning after I gave them all the evidence. They rung me after it was served and said he was livid, and was putting in complaints to them about it, and wanted to know the exact details of what evidence they had etc. I was expecting another legal letter to go to court in October when I would have been due to 'prove' I haven't had a baby...but he is an impatient man so I doubt he could wait that long.
I know from reading this board, these men follow similar patterns, I'm worried he is keeping tabs on me through this 'welfare check' to see if I still live there (I have just been on a two week holiday also but there was housemate at the house), or to determine if I look pregnant ( I would have been six/seven months now) or to show me he is still watching.... I'm scared what he will do if he gets evidence I am not pregnant. How can I make sure the Police do not tell him this? And would this count as indirect harrassment? (he previously rung the hospital demanding my medical records and they said that was indirect harrassment)
Any help/advice most appreciated...I would move but I can't for another year as my daughter is at college nearby, and it's so expensive
Thanks for reading

OP posts:

atomsatdawn · 25/07/2016 16:52

We get welfare checks a lot for neighbour who has mental health problems and his support worker rings police if he doesn't turn up (shared main front door hence why I know) . They have always been in uniform and always give me a ref number incase i see him so it is always on record at the station.

Claraoswald36 · 25/07/2016 16:59

Atoms - see that sounds legit!

Original poster

buzzpopprince · 25/07/2016 17:12

Biblio - that sounds awful re SS visits, hope things are better now

I think he is still intent on making life difficult unfortunately, maybe he thinks he has a 'right' to know about my welfare and that's the only way he can do it via the Police (because of the harrassment warning) if he is set on thinking I am still pregnant, I just don't know... what's scary is not knowing if it was Police or not, and feeling that I may be being watched

OP posts:

petalsandstars · 25/07/2016 17:50

If indeed it was genuinely the police and he is using this as another harassment tool - they will get wise to it. Plus actually if it were real officers doing a welfare check they would come back when your house sitter said you'd be back, or they'd ring you to check you're okay. As they need to have a result - you can't have concerns enough for a welfare check and just close it off with "they're out".

LaurieFairyCake · 25/07/2016 17:54

Does he know where you live?

I also remember your last thread.

Original poster

buzzpopprince · 25/07/2016 17:56

Laurie - Yes he does know where I live

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 25/07/2016 18:06

Then he could easily ( and I bet he has) driven past or hung around there to see if you're pregnant

The reason he's harassing you with this fake welfare check is because he's been watching you and hasn't seen you for a couple of weeks

gamerchick · 25/07/2016 18:15

That would make sense actually. Creepy fucker

GipsyDanger · 25/07/2016 18:26

This is giving me chills, I remember you OP. I agree with the others that something just doesn't feel right about it. Please keep safe, do you have a dog or something that would alert you if he's sneaking around

Redglitter · 25/07/2016 18:38

Im sorry what you've been told is bulls hit. Yes the police have loads of systems but only one main system for calls all they have to do is type in your address and it'll show any previous calls. So if someone has reported a concern for call it'll be there. The call taker either doesn't understand the system or is fobbing you off.

I'd call back and report you've had bogus police officers at your door. If they weren't bogus they'll find out in no time.

Also.if you have someone saying they're the police don't as a pp suggested refuse to open the door and talk through a closed door. Ask them for their shoulder numbers and surnames and ask them to wait while you call 101 to verify they are who they claim and that 101 can confirm they're at your door. We get this periodically we have a system that shows on a map where every officer is and normally do a radio check to confirm it too. If they're real they'll understand and won't mind.

I'd definitely chase it up though to be told it's like looking for a needle in a haystack is nonsense

OurBlanche · 25/07/2016 19:14

Ah! I had a chat with a friend who is in the police and came back to reply... but Redglitter has given you all the advice I have. Take that on board, OP. Stay safe

SandyY2K · 25/07/2016 19:26

There must be a record of which police officers were assigned to do the welfare check.

If you continue getting no response leave it. Put everything in writing to the Chief Superintendent. Get the date and time of when the visit happened. Make sure to log the harassment and history with your Ex.

If you use words like 'fear for my safety', it will be looked into.

They know every single officer who was on duty that date and they can track down who it was.

You have every right not to open your front door if you feel worried.

BeenThereDoneThatForgotten · 25/07/2016 20:30

God, I remember your previous threads. Good advice here.

RandomMess · 25/07/2016 20:34

Absolutely report it as a bogus police visit and fearing for you safety!

FruitCider · 25/07/2016 20:43

Alarm bells are ringing for me. I fled serious DV 11 years ago and a private detective claiming to be plain clothed police officer turned up at my refuge to do a "welfare check".

Do not answer your door to unexpected visitors. Let someone know where you are at all times as precaution until this has been investigated further.

ChampagneTastes · 25/07/2016 20:48

I remember your threads. Stay safe, be careful and follow all the excellent advice here.

Farfromtheusual · 25/07/2016 21:05

I work for 101 and we get calls like this all the time, where a neighbour has told someone police have been to their address but didn't leave any contact details and its not on the system. There are that many different departments and not all officers will log where they have been or why. My guess is that if you have been involved with the DV team because of your ex, that maybe they have been trying to contact you and got worried when there was no reply so just decided to pop by your house and check all was ok. I have honestly never heard of a police officer being impersonated. I'm sure you are just being a bit paranoid due to the situation with your ex.

Farfromtheusual · 25/07/2016 21:08

Also omif they do come back, as for their warrant card which will have a photo, collar number and full name on, and ask what station and dept they work in, then ring 101 and ask to confirm they are genuine officers and that they are on duty at that time.

Berthatydfil · 25/07/2016 21:27

I remember your previous thread. It's very disappointing that the police can't confirm if it was indeed them who called and I would be considering a complaint given the circumstances.

Mumteedum · 25/07/2016 21:41

I think you need to get information on what you can do to protect yourself.

I think this is quite worrying but you have to live your life. So clueing yourself up on how to handle potential stalking or further harassment seems like a sensible idea? Found this when I googled

www.stalkinghelpline.org/faq/talking-to-the-police/

Lemonlady22 · 25/07/2016 22:10

you can ask for anything to be logged, ask for an incident number....i think this was a bogus visit to your home....how can they have no record of a welfare visit, and they definately should have left a card....i would ask the 101 for a visit from your local PCSO....and tell him all this information...get him on your side....they have their own area and can be quite useful

Redglitter · 25/07/2016 23:28

I'd definitely report the suspect bogus officers. It's unusual but it does happen that people claim to be police officers for whatever reason. Believe me that will get taken very seriously

Original poster

buzzpopprince · 25/07/2016 23:45

Thank you all for your help

OP posts:

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/07/2016 01:52

I'm glad the second call to the police was more useful.

It does sound like your ex has either fabricated a reason for a 'welfare check' or has fabricated a check itself.

Either way it's not ok and I hope you get some help from the police to show that they aren't going to be used as harassment by proxy.

Good luck

RyVeeta · 26/07/2016 13:30

I had a welfare check yesterday. I'm known to the local W.A. and dh was cautioned for assault in May. This was a follow up to check that dh is behaving, (he's not), to see if I wanted any further help and to see if I was still following through with exit strategies etc. The wonderful, wonderful officer also wanted to check on me because two of his collegues had, imo, been extraordinarily unhelpful last time I called. Having said all that, it was arranged in advance and I was given the option for it not to be at home so that it didn't agitate dh. He gave me lots of useful information and lots of reassurance.

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