Found escort page Adultwork on husbands Ipad history after he was away on business

[DaisY20166]

I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My husband goes away on work occasionally and i was using his iPad to buy something for our baby that is on the way so I was looking in the history to find the name of the one thing I was looking at before his trip when I noticed that on the day he was alone as his flight got cancelled (it was actually cancelled not a lie) he went to a
Site called adultwork and looked up escorts in the local area. He looked at her profile and then her picture. Then after this site he googled different porn sites and videos. When I saw this I was disgusted and shocked. I have never ever doubted him in the ten years we have been together (married for 1.5 of those). So I searched Adultwork in his email and it turned out he registered 3 weeks after our wedding. When I went to the website it said his account was deactivated. I don't really care if he looks at porn, but escort sites are a whole different thing.

When I confronted him about it he initially lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about. Then admitted he was looking at porn, then finally admitted that sometimes he goes on that site (once a month) to look at the escorts as it is just something that is a fantasy or a bit dangerous and he knows he shouldn't be looking at it. I was distraught obviously as it doesn't look good that I had trouble getting A hold of him this trip and then the one day he is alone at a hotel he looks up a local escort. He said he was so sorry and he would never do anything like that and he never even thought about how it would look. And he would never want to lose me and it's just since I have been pregnant he goes online more because we aren't having sex as much as we normally do. But he registered on this site 3 weeks after our wedding, when I asked Him that he said he didn't know why he registered probably to just watch a video. I told him if I ever catch him on those sites again that is it. Do you think I am stupid for believing him? This is really out of his character to ever do anything like that and I do believe him but I just don't know if it's me being naive. He instantly deleted everything as he said he didn't want me to go
Mental looking at it and hurt the baby by being upset. No money has gone on any of our cards or anything. I have never been jealous or worried about this but now it is making me sick. He left on another short
Trip again and has a lot more coming up and it is stressing me out so much. I am not sure what to do.

Lots of men ring but never make a booking. They are basically trying to get a free phone sex session.

Of course this doesn't mean they will never make a booking. But for a lot of them the fantasy seems to suffice for them to have a wank over, then forget about it as soon as they've finished.

Adultwork doesn't allow users to pay for in-person bookings via the site. Fees are always taken in cash, so check bank statements for cash withdrawals on or before the day in question.

If he's bought credits on AW, which would be used for viewing photos, clips, or for live webcam sessions, it will show on the statement as awork.co.uk.

I'd suggest going through his call logs, on his online phone statement not from his phone history. Of course lots of punters have a second phone...

Hi Dais,

If you want to know the exact truth you can do what I did on the advice of another mumsnetter when I found Adultwork on my husbands mobile.
I asked him outright if he'd used prostitutes - he denied it. Unlucky for him I'd been through enough 'bad' men before him to follow my gut. I let it lie for a few months but I did NOT minimise it in my head - I kept returning to my gut which was saying to me to check things out further.

One night, 3 am, it still was ticking over in my head. I got his laptop where I have access to his emails. Using my phone I went to Adultwork and tried to log in using his details - I put in his normal email address. Of course I did not know the password for Adultwork (if he did indeed have one). I just put in random numbers for his password, it told me they were incorrect and thenI requested a password reminder.

Low and behold the message that came back on the screen was that a password reminder had been sent to his email address. I simply went to his email on the other computer, got the password reminder and simply logged in.

Once inside Adultwork it's hard to find at first but there is a section for 'bookings' . There's an inbox part and sent messages part. You do have to double check it all to find it.I found 6 months of messages to prostitutes ranging over 5 months. He'd attempted over 15 meet ups. From the details of the messages it was perfectly clear he arranged to meet for sex and carried it through. Looking at the dates it was up to about 3 weeks before I was due to give birth to our first child.

When I discovered this our baby was 6 months old. He was at the time sleeping in the spare bedroom as I was up all night feeding the baby.

Let me just say that I virtually dragged him out of his bed at 3am and if nothing else the look of ashen white and pure dread on his face gave me an ounce of control when my life was crashing down around my feet.

This is a man that can I just say for all intents and purposes is the most loving, educated, well-spoken, funny, hard-working human being anyone could ask for. Except he's also a lying, cheating, disloyal man. Let me tell you this - there isn't a 'type' who use prostitutes. It can be any kind of man from any walk of life. I thought I'd seen it all, knew it all about 'bad' men before I met him. I thought I was qualified at spotting something amiss. I was right really because my gut told me to investigate further.

Since then I've seen several posts on Mumsnet about Adultwork. EVERY SINGLE TIME the man has denied and EVERY SINGLE TIME it ends up he DID have sex with prostitutes.

EVERY TIME.

Get more evidence. I thank god to this day that the people on mumsnet showed me how to find out the truth. You need to log in to his Adultwork account by asking for a password reminder or password reset.

Good luck.

Solar so sorry to hear that. That must have been hell.

Thanks for all the replies. I have checked all
Our bank accounts and all his email accounts and I did flip through his phone and I didn't find anything. He is really not tech savy hense why I found this in the first place. When I looked at the history it was Adultwork profiles and then a bunch of porn videos afterwards. He said he just likes to wank off to them, and them being local makes it more risky or something? He said you can even see in the history he checked out a profile and then just watched videos. I tried to get into his account before he even knew I knew anything and it said it has been deactivated. And when I asked why he registered he said he probably just put his email in to see videos or something. He is away right now and I told him that the idea makes me sick still and I don't think I can trust him anymore. He has phoned me like every couple hours on this trip and told me he is going to cancel all the rest of his trips this summer and get someone else to go instead. He said he doesn't want to risk stressing me out with the baby and feels so stupid about even looking at the site and risking me leaving him. He has never got defensive or angry with me. And said we can do whatever I want and we can reactive his account when he gets back and i can look at it. I'm hoping I don't find anything.

Maybe you won't. Maybe he will have deleted it all.

Oh what bullshit. If as he says "you can do whatever you want" he wouldnt have deactivated his account in the first place.

If risk turns him on so much why not just leave the account as it was

I don't think there's much point trying to convince the OP. She wants to believe him. She is choosing to believe him over you and other PPs who are not personally invested and have been in her position. It's understandable albeit horribly frustrating!

Daisy - If not for yourself, for your unborn baby WAKE UP. It matters not a jot to a man if you have been together from a young age, it matters not that you have invested 'a third of your life' in something/someone. Those very facts make NO BEARING whatsoever on whether a man will contact a prostitute for sex - none. You do not have to necessarily leave him but you DO have to start to be honest with yourself.

If he has had sex with a prostitute, using a condom, that condom will not guarantee your baby is unharmed. STDs which are transmitted primarily by skin mean that condoms will not protect you. Genital herpes, HPV and syphilis can all cause damage to your baby. If he HAS been having sex with prostitutes he is putting your baby at risk. Herpes is especially dangerous because if for example you got it from your husband and have your first outbreak when pregnant then the risk of baby being harmed are much higher as you won't already have anti-bodies in your own bloodstream to protect against it.

And this is just the harsh reality of men using prostitutes. I know. I've been there.

There are hundreds of free porn websites - Adultwork is for paid activities.

And do you know how I knew in my heart my own loving, best friend husband was lying to me? Because he too, when I asked him never got angry and was not defensive at all. His responses were always of calm loving concern and balance. I could smell the sh*t a mile off because unfortunately my love life before him was a decade of men with issues in one way or another and it DOES make you able to sense it. You develop a sixth sense for it.

Reactivate his account before he does and before he goes in there and erases archived messages. He will have already done that by the way.

I really really hope you find the strength to open you eyes and I'm thinking of you because I've been exactly where you are. My husband said all the same things - he did it just to look, he did it for a wank. No he did not. There are too many other websites chucking out free porn where you do not have to sign up or add your email address to anything.

He looked up local prostitutes because he wanted to have sex with someone locally. It's that black and white.

Think of your baby. x

Solar is right, OP. Because of the baby, you no longer have the luxury of being able to sweep H's actions under the carpet. You need help in RL and please get your health checked asap.

Btw, don't assume that H is not tech-savvy when it comes to hooker sites - there is no reason why he should not be since he has been using them. He probably thinks you won't take up the offer of delegating the business trips, why not call him on it?

Hi

I've just joined the site after reading this.

I'm not for one minute saying your husband hasn't visited these prostitutes. But... I'm a male who watches porn and regularly looks on adult work at local prostitutes. It is a thrill. I have been looking occasionally for years. You do have to register to access its features. I would never want to visit a prostitute, but there is a thrill in looking. I'm not saying its right to look. But don't automatically assume that because he has looked he has gone through with visiting one.

You sound like a lovely person that does not deserve to be put in this position. However, looking is a long way from doing. I hope things turn out OK for you.

Dan

Yes, OP, sounded like a great relationship that you've had for many years. The sex has dwindled because of baby etc, I get that. It's very common for this to happen. Now he's just having a wankathon over the porn, if you will, as a substitute, because testosterone is a cruel master. I'm not ok with porn, I think it's detrimental to a loving sexual relationship, and if he really has slept with any escorts, in my opinion it's over. If you find no evidence of him using an escort, which I hope is true. This is the ideal time to have a crisis talk about what you are going to do moving forward. Especially to get all your ducks in a row before this baby is born, because by the time that happens sex becomes even lower on the list of priorities. Some women tend to think they can dictate the amount of sex their partner is having, and whilst they get very comfortably settled in to this arrangement, thinking it's fine, Their partner is off finding other outlets for his frustration. Not a brilliant idea. An ongoing discussion about sex is what's needed, so you are both happy. It can be done. Good luck, hope it works out.

By the way OP I'm not saying that's what your doing in your situation or relationship , I'm just offering, you something to maybe just think about.

Fascinating the willingness to throw everything aside and "Angry Mob". Relationships need working, in fact our minds need working.

As a man, one that a years ago while in a relationship would once in a while browse local sex workers (for years) but never ever took it the next step. Then after breaking up a long, loving, childless, and finally bitter trapped relationship and having a messy rebound or three and strung out out all night, did finally act upon visiting a sex worker from Adultwork. All was safe, no damage done they seemed independent and in control of their life and quite happy about it all.

BUT how much did i regret it. How low had I become.

At that point decided this was not the person who i wanted to be and to seek some therapy. After a while of speaking to other men, and a friend who is a sex worker it is doesn't seem uncommon to have visited a Sex worker at all sadly, 50/50 on people i have spoken to. It is the oldest profession (don't want to normalise it, just there seems to be 9099 of them in London on Adultwork. London only has 205 McDonalds in comparison). Art, TV, Literature all toys with the exoticness of it all. Let alone the utter sexualisation of everything, everywhere.

Looking back over relationships, thinking it is common tend to build up and harbour fantasies, porn, literotica, etc. The best relationships are were sexuality is utterly shared. Where fantasies are shared without feeling like they need to be pushed down or kept away. Where you grow as sexual beings together. If this is being kept down, unfortunately like a nasty weed it finds a way.

It is in counter intuitive to your feelings I imagine, but to get the truth out of someone entirely, you need to turn into the skid. If you go in blasting accusations, you are going to get denial and subterfuge of any of this stuff in the future too. Go in all playful and relaxed, way more likely to get the truth, like a friend would, ironically like the Sex Worker would.

Ultimately Sex with a sex worker is an rush, an act, a physical act for an hour or two. The best sex is mutual exploration for an evening, a day, a weekend. Forever. And the best bit the partner curls up asleep in your arms afterwards.

Missed a point on this paragraph.

It is in counter intuitive to your feelings I imagine, but to get the truth out of someone entirely, you need to turn into the skid. If you go in blasting accusations, you are going to get denial and subterfuge of any of this stuff in the future too. Go in all playful and relaxed, way more likely to get the truth, like a friend would, ironically like the Sex Worker would you are going to get someone who is at ease at telling you everything that goes through their filthy mind. Be the gatekeeper of this, they are his precious secrets that he trusts you to.

This is awful OP, what a grubby horrible thing to do to you, and you were pregnant, is that right?

I am afraid if he just wanted to access a bit of porn it's all there at a click, he actually registered on a hookers site and then checked local prostitutes, why would you do this if you only wanted a bit of titillation, it looks very much like he has either used them or has clear intent; I guess you will never know, he will have deleted all traces now.

As for joining 3 weeks after your wedding, that's unforgivable and you really need to stop thinking he's a great guy, he's not otherwise he wouldn't have done it.

I know you want to believe him but tbh you really need to kick him out and show him you are not going to stand for this; it sounds very much like you are going to pretend it's as he says and brush it under the carpet, if he still works away, he will just hide it better.

Either way, you can't trust this man, he has shown you that, you'd be a fool to trust him now, kick him out and let him grovel for as long as it takes for you to feel you either want to call it quits or give him another chance.

He's a cheat, the intention was clearly there and I'd also hazard a guess he's been doing this for years.

And please do not believe you are in any way to blame because of lack of sex, that is just an excuse, it's not because of sex starvation, it's a choice he made.

I am afraid there isn't a type that does this, it could be anyone, this is his flaw, not yours, do not take the blame for his wreckless, selfish actions, and that is what it is OP.

Whether he met one or not, you must give him consequences for what he has done to you, kick him out, even temporarily, it will make you feel more in control and let him know he's fucked with the wrong person.

There's things guys do to stop you finding out they are using prostitutes look for a "punting" phone this is a phone that is usually a cheap pay as you go one that they might hide in the car, a lot of guys use these to book meets, text & talk to prostitutes, Look for cash withdrawals he will pay the prostitutes in cash, look on the sat nav for recent destinations where you don't recognise, you could search the postcode to see if it's a massage parlour. you could install a keylogger on his computer & his mobile phone, you could get a tracker for his car? I don't sound at all like a psychopath !

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